Honest Reflections

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ”  1 Corinthians 13:4-5
When one thinks of Valentine’s day, they think of love.  Typically the love shared between man and woman.  The dozen roses, the chocolates, the cards filled with poetry.  I am grateful God brought me someone to share the romantic side of Valentine’s Day, absolutely.  However one of my favorite Valentine’s Day has nothing to do with that kind of love.
I was single for over 40 years of my life.  I’ve had many more Valentine’s Day alone than sharing with someone special.  I used to dread it as the day approached.  I’d hear the platitudes, “It’s just a day Hallmark uses to sell cards.”  “Trust me honey, you’re better off alone than with someone who doesn’t treat you well.”  You get the gist.
Looking back though, I realize, I did have the perfect Valentine those years I was alone.  It was my Mom.
My Mom loved Valentine’s day.  She would always send cards to all of her kids.  She sent them to family and friends.  There were Valentine’s decorations around her house.  I was always guaranteed to get some type of Valentine’s present, usually some chocolates.  In later years, it was flowers.  I always took it for granted, as we tend to do.
Our last Valentine’s day together was four years ago.  It was her last lucid evening before she passed.  I’ll never forget it.  She was in her hospital bed in her bedroom at her home.  She was weak, had lost a lot of weight due to cancer.  She had just become bedridden a few days before.  My husband was with me, as well as some close friends.  I brought her a Bloomin’ Onion from Outback.  It was always one of her favorite foods.
I remember spending the evening around her bed with her.  Surrounded by people I love.  I didn’t know at the time it would be the last time I would have a conversation with her.  I had no idea in less than 36 hours she would be in the arms of Jesus.  I just knew I was with her.
I knew I was honoring her.  I knew she was exactly where she wanted be, doing exactly what she wanted to do.  When I think of my mother’s life, I always think of how she lived it.
She lived it the way she wanted too.  She did what she wanted to do.  When she made a mistake she accepted responsibility for it and moved on to the next thing.  She never let life get her down.  When Dad died leaving her with three teenagers, she kept going.  When I was less than a stellar daughter, she kept loving and praying me through it.  My brothers tested her too. She just kept going.  She held her head up high and kept going.
I’m grateful for her.  When she passed, she died the way she wanted too, at home, in her bed.  She is one of the few people I can honestly say, she lived the way she wanted to and died the way she wanted to.
There will never be another Valentine’s Day I don’t think of the last one I spent with her.  It was truly an evening of love.
 

“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Ecclesiastes 3:1
I am currently listening to “When, The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing”  by Daniel H. Pink.  I find it fascinating the things people commit their lives too.  This entire book is about the study of time.
I’m about half way through it.  I have two thoughts as I’m listening to this book.  The first is, quite honestly, don’t you have anything better to do than study time?  The second is, you can’t put God in a box.
You know who has perfect timing?  It’s God.  Hands down, best timing ever!
So far, according to this book, there is a best time to think, there is a best time to exercise, there is a best time to take a nap.  If you optimize their studies and apply it to your life, you’ll learn how to live your life in a way that will always allow you to operate at peak performance.
Hogwash!
I’m not disagreeing that on an average day, I probably do make better decisions in the morning versus the afternoon when I’m not quite as fresh.  It makes sense if you want to lose weight, exercise in the morning before you eat and you’ll burn fat.  I believe an afternoon catnap can make you more productive the rest of the day.  These are all good points.
But God isn’t a point.  He is the Creator with a plan!
Romans 8:28 tells us all things work to the good for those who believe and trust in the Lord.  You know what that tells me?  That even if at 4:12 in the afternoon, when I am tired from an already long day, God can use any decision I make to the good.
See, I’ve learned in the 40 some years I’ve been walking with God, admittedly sometimes closer than others,  Romans 8:28 is true.  He does use all things to the good for those who believe and trust in Him.
He has used my fumbling’s, my blundering’s in ways I can’t even imagine.  In fact, I would go so far to say those have impacted people’s lives more than the things I’ve done right.  And the pains I’ve endured in this lifetime, not a one of them He hasn’t used to help others, in ways I wouldn’t of imagined.
I’ll finish the book.  I hate to leave a book unfinished.  I’ll glean some valuable tips from it.  But I know, if you truly want to have perfect timing you have to trust God for it.  No human on earth will ever find a formula to trump it!

 “Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.”  Proverbs 14:26
I just watched “This is Us”, the episode that explained how their dad died.  If you don’t watch the show, you will have no idea what I’m talking about, which is completely fine.
I am a woman who lost her dad when she was 16 years old.  It touched a lot of heart strings for me.  More than I realized were still there.  As  I watched the show, as I watched them tell the daughter her daddy was gone, it broke my heart.  I remember the day my Dad died.  Like Kate in the show, I have regrets.  There were things I could of done that I didn’t, like go visit him at the hospital.  I didn’t go that day, I wanted to sleep in.  I knew the minute my Mom and little brother pulled out of the driveway I had made a mistake.  It was too late.
I called Dad.  He answered the phone.  I’ll never forget it.  I was crying.  I told him I was so sorry I didn’t come.  He forgave me.  Then he told me it was time to say goodbye.  Somehow, he knew too.  I will never understand how he knew.  He let me off the hook.  He told me he would see me again.  I had the opportunity to tell him one last time I loved him.  He told me he loved me too and he would see me soon.
He didn’t die that day, at around 4:00 in the afternoon he drifted into a coma.  My Mom and little brother had barely arrived home when the hospital called us.  We immediately rushed to the hospital to be by his side.
He died two and a half days later.  That is how long it took for all of his family to get there.  The last was my sister-in-law who came from VA.  Her and my Dad a special relationship.  He waited for her.  It was moments afterwards that he passed.  We were all standing around his bed as he took his last breath.
It was surreal.  He took one long breath.  I thought that was it, then he took another long breath.  Then he was gone.  I see it as clearly as if it was yesterday.
When my Dad died, I lost my hero.  He was perfect in my eyes.  Learning that he wasn’t was a hard lesson.  I had him on such a pedestal that when he fell off it, let’s just say it sent my world into turmoil.
I was so young when my Dad died, yet I hear him in my head. “If you’re going to do something, do it right!”  or “Don’t do it half a**ed, do it right!”  My Dad was big on doing it to the best of your ability.  “Do it right or don’t do it at all.”  That has served me well in my life.
My favorite job is my volunteer job.  I love being able to give my time away.  I love that God signs my check.  He signs my benefits.  I love giving it my all.  In my head, I hear my Dad.  I hear his euphemisms in my head and I work harder.   My most favorite thing is doing it right. Every time I do, every time I don’t cut shortcuts, every time I hear my Dad.  “Job well done!”
I’m grateful he taught me how to do my tasks well.  I feel God’s pleasure when I do.  There is nothing else like it.
But wow, I miss my Dad!  So much!
 

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”  Colossians 4:6
I teach tennis.  I started three years ago, I’m beginning my fourth year of teaching this year.  Tennis is a great way to learn life lessons.  You call your own lines, it shows your level of honesty.  It requires patience, endurance, perseverance.  It teaches you how to win and how to lose.  Those are just a few.  There is one thing teaching tennis has taught me that has revolutionized my life.
Did you know, 80% of what you say to children they remember?  However, you only remember 20% of what you say to children.  That’s intimidating!  I can’t even remember what I had for lunch yesterday, much less every word that has come out of my mouth.
I have found, the older I get, the less I remember.  I have found there is only one solution to this statistic.  Make sure everything you say is uplifting and encouraging.  Then you don’t have to worry about remembering what you say.
I can’t say I am perfect at this.  I can say, every time I look at the sweet face of a child I remember that rule.  It holds me to a level of accountability that I appreciate.
One of my good friends gave me this piece of advice when I started coaching.  They don’t care about how much you know until they know how much you care.  There is no better way to show them how much you care than with the words that  you use.
Lord, help me be uplifting and encouraging in all I say.  Forgive me the times I fail.
 
 

“Be still and know I am God” Psalm 46:10
It is humbling watching God’s work unfold around me.  It is hard for me to put in words how awestriking it is He chooses to use someone like me.  Even more amazing how much He loves me.
I have had so many incredible conversations this week.  I have been brought to the edge of tears watching people get connected and grow.  I’ve watched them take steps of faith, get out of their comfort zone and engage.  I’ve watched them get back on the journey with God.
It is truly awe inspiring.  Humbling. Miraculous.
My heart aches for those who do not know Him.  Every time someone takes a step towards Him, my heart sings.
“No one is in your life by accident, they are all divine appointments.” Mark Batterson “Whisper”
Thankful for all of the divine appointments I encountered this past week.  Grateful for the ones I will encounter next week.  Enjoying this day of renewal the Lord is giving me in between!

“Therefore, just as the Holy Spirit says, “TODAY IF YOU HEAR HIS VOICE,”  Hebrews 3:7
I’m listening to the book “Whispers” by Mark Batterson.  It’s about hearing the voice of God.  He compares learning to hear from God like learning a new language.  He uses the analogy of Helen Keller,  who at 19 months old contracted an illness which caused her to go deaf and blind.  As a result of this,  she honed her sense of touch to such a degree she could listen to music by placing her hands on the radio, sensing the difference in instruments by the changing vibrations.  She learned to “hear” words by placing her hands on a persons’ larnyx and “feeling” the vibrations of the vocal cords.  She learned to communicate through sign language.  As a result she was the first deaf and blind person to receive a Bachelors of Art Degree.
Effectively, Helen Keller learned a new language to communicate and live in the world.  It was adapted to her circumstances, her life, her abilities.
When we hear from God, we are doing the same thing.  We are learning a new language. One specific to our relationship with God.  One geared to how we communicate with Him and how He communicates with us.
I think this is a fascinating perspective.  I had never thought of it like this.  I’ve heard many a sermons on “tuning” into God the same way we tune into a radio station.  I had never thought of it as learning a new language.
Yet when I think of different friends in my life and how they communicate with God, it truly is a unique and personal experience.  I have one friend who hears from God in her dreams.  I have another who feels it in her spirit, not necessarily in words.  I myself hear Him most through the scriptures.  When I’m not sure what to do, one will come to mind from somewhere deep in my cortex and I know it is the Lord speaking to me.
In the same way, we all communicate with Him differently.  I have some friends whose best God time is when they are on the commute to work.  Others it’s at bedtime.  For me, it’s first thing in the morning.  I love to close myself in my prayer closet, open my Bible and lose myself in Him.  Others prefer worship music and wide open spaces.
Each person is different, each unique.  It is like learning a new language.  One created for each of us.  One no one else knows.
Most important of all, the more we study our individual language.  The more we learn to talk to God through it.  The more sensitive we are to His whispers, the louder and clearer we will hear His voice.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”  1 Thessalonians 5:11
I was listening to a message by Greg Surratt, Pastor of Seacoast church in South Carolina.  I loved what he does instead of making resolutions at the beginning of the New Year.
He chooses to do short sprints.
A short sprint, as defined by him, is choosing a verse, such as 1 Thessalonians 5:11 and then committing to doing it for a period of time.  It could be 7 days, 14 days or 21 days, whatever he chooses.
His church was starting a 21 day fast, so he was going to do a short sprint during that time.  I can’t remember what verse he had chosen.  What a great partner practice during a fast.  I wish I had listened to this message at the beginning of our 21 day fast.
Nonetheless, you can start a short sprint at any time.  Of course, I now have the desire to start a short sprint.
My first short sprint is going to be all about 1 Thessalonians 5:11. I want to speak only uplifting and encouraging words to everyone, no exceptions.  From my husband to the passerby on the street, for the next 21 days I’m going to focus on this particular verse.
I’m so excited, can’t wait to see what God does with my first short sprint!
Ready, set, go!

“He sends the snow like white wool; he scatters frost upon the ground like ashes.”  Psalm 147:16
I thoroughly enjoyed the brief snow we received last night.  24 hours later and there is barely any left.  Life in Virginia.
As I walked this morning in the snow, it reminded me of my Mom.  Growing up in Pennsylvania, snow lasted a bit longer than it does here in Virginia.  One of my fondest memories of my Mom were her early morning walks in the snow.  We lived on the 15th tee of the Gold Course in Treasure Lake.  She would rise early, bundle herself up in her warm coat and heavy boots.  Then she would walk the golf course holes 15, 16 and 17.  All up and down hills, not an easy walk by far, add the heavy snow and you have a work out.  She did it faithfully, day in and day out.  I’m grateful for the example.
I don’t have it nearly has hard.  There are no hills, rarely any snow.  I think of her example every time I head out.
I’ve realized, over the past few weeks as I’ve made changes to my lifestyle, accepting truths into our lives can be difficult.  My husband and I have recently joined Liberty Healthshare,  an alternative to health insurance.  It is a Christian based organization based on the Biblical principle of sharing each others burdens.  For more information, click the above link.  It’s a wonderful option.
The downside to Liberty is it’s difficult to join, mainly because if you have pre-existing conditions they won’t be covered, at least not at first.  Thankfully, we don’t have any, except for one, my weight.  As a result, we pay an extra fee and I have been assigned a health coach who I check in with each week.  Once I reach my goal weight, I graduate from the program and we no longer have to pay the fee.
It’s been a God send for me.  It has helped me accept difficult truths into my life:
I ate more than I thought I ate.
I exercised less than I thought I exercised.
I weighed more than what I thought I weighed.
I’ve also learned that watching what I eat and exercising regularly is a discipline.  Just like reading my Bible daily is a discipline.
I have had so many conversations with different people about reading their Bible daily.  How the practice of seeking God each day makes it easier to seek God when the storms of life hit.  As our pastor said this week in his message, its sets us up for a future win.  He also talked about how the real reward is the repetition.
He’s right.  The repetition is the reward.  I look forward to my daily time with God.  It is truly the best part of my day. Now, thanks to Liberty, I’m adding new disciplines into my life.  I am starting to find the reward in the repetition.  I am now starting to look forward to my daily walks as much as I do my quiet time with God.
This mornings’ walk was particularly special.  I spent it thinking about my Mom.  It felt like taking a walk with her. I thought of how I would love to sit and have coffee with her one more time.  I would love to tell her about my life, and all that has happened since she left us.  I wish I had taken one of those daily walks with her back then.
Miss you Mom, today a little more than most.

“When you fast…”  Matthew 6:16
I have spent my entire life in the church, my fondest family memories are sitting in the wooden pews of Tidal Presbyterian.  Dad, Mom, Matt, me and Ron all seated in a row.  The older gentleman behind us, God forgive me, I can’t remember his name, always gave us chiclets.  Dad always stood outside the front doors, smoking cigarettes with the guys before the service started.  Rev. T. Donald Hamilton was our pastor.  Loved him!
In all those years though, I never remember learning about fasting.  There is a real possibility that I may not have been paying attention.  I didn’t really start to learn about fasting until I was an adult.  I definitely didn’t start practicing fasting until the last 15 years of my life.  I did know about Lent.  I always liked to give something up for Lent every year, even as a child.  I didn’t truly understand the full scope of what I was doing.
Now I do.
Fasting is a powerful tool.  My devotional this morning said it best:
“There is a closeness to God that you simply will not experience from prayer or personal devotions alone.”  Excerpts from Awakening: A New Approach to Faith, Fasting and Spiritual Freedom by Stoval Weems (pp. 63-64)
That is why I love fasting.  It draws me into God’s arms.  It is like nestling into His shoulder, all warm and cozy.  The insights He reveals to you during times of fasting are life changing.  He has changed my life through every fast I’ve done.
There are several different types of fast you can do.  Our church started a 21 day fast yesterday. Here is a great resource to learn more about fasting:
https://www.watersedgechurch.net/21daysofprayerfasting/
During this 21 day fast, I am fasting one meal a day and spending the time in prayer.  My husband and I are completely fasting one day a week together.  I have already been doing a modified Daniel Fast which is why I chose to fast an entire meal.  A lot of people are doing the Daniel Fast for the 21 days.
I am so excited about what God will do in my life, in our marriage and in our church through this collective fast.
There are so many facets of fasting to talk about, I can’t do it in one blog.  I want to share one of my most life changing fast experiences with you as an example of why I love fasting.
It was several years ago.  I was going through a difficult time with my immediate family.  My Mom had been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer,  My brothers and I were at odds with each other, no one was speaking to each other.  We were all so torn up in our emotions, no one knew what to do, we all felt so helpless.  In desperation I turned to God.  I didn’t even know what to pray, but I knew I needed Him more than ever.
I started a 10 day fast.  I decided to fast breakfast and lunch, praying during those times instead.  I have to tell you, those prayers were more like groans.  I didn’t even know what to pray.  I just clung to God, trusting Him.  Pouring it all out to Him.  It was about half way through the fast I felt the tides turn, for lack of a better way to describe it.  I knew that I had found victory in the spiritual battle I was fighting.
Immediately I thought, “Yay, I can stop fasting!”  Even quicker I heard God say, “Do you want the full victory or the partial victory?”  I knew I wanted the full victory, so I continued the fast.
I received the full victory.  It didn’t happen overnight, it didn’t happen in the next week or month.  In fact, some aspects of it took years.  My family is fully restored.  My brothers and I learned to work together.  We learned to enjoy Mom’s last years here on earth with her.  We were able to let her go to the arms of Jesus when the time came, all of us at peace.  All of us together.
The person who God changed most during this particular fast was me.  He didn’t change the circumstances. He didn’t change my brothers.  He changed me, because I was the one who needed to be changed.
If I ever need to be reminded of the power of fasting, I just think of those ten days that changed my life forever.
Thank You God!

“Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?”  The blind man answered, “Teacher, I want to see.”  Mark 10:51 NCV
It is the end of the first week of January.  It was a tough week trying to achieve the goals I set forth for myself just over seven days ago. By the grace of God I did. I laid in bed this morning thinking, “I didn’t write my blog this week.”  (One of my goals for 2018, write one a week.)
Then I read my devotional this morning.  Titled Goal Setting is a Statement of Faith.  It went on to explain the reason Jesus asked the blind man what he wanted him to do wasn’t because he didn’t already know.  Jesus knew a blind man would want to see again.  It was because He wanted Bartimaeus, the blind man, to state his faith.
God’s timing is always perfect. I needed the reminder.  I can’t do anything without Him.  The reason I wrote my goals in my blog was for accountability.  God just let me know, it was also a statement of faith.  It is what I want God to do for me this year.
At the end of my devotion today, it challenged me.  It reminded me, Jesus asks the same question right now:
“What do you want me to do for you?”
He asks it ever day, every morning.  Have you ever thought about how you would answer that question?  I have to be honest, I didn’t have an immediate answer.  All of my requests seem so trivial.
Then I thought of this verse:
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
Jesus isn’t asking me what I want for tomorrow.  Just for today.  Today is Sunday.  It is a day of rest (Exodus 20:8).  I get to go to church and worship.  I get to come home and spend the day with family and friends.
Today, Jesus, I want you to help me rest.  We’ll worry about tomorrow when it gets here!