Honest Reflections

Two-minute read.

“Hey, what ya doing?” the text read.

Not thinking much of it, her busy friend didn’t respond. A few days later, when he ran into the lady, she told him about the hard week she had had.

“Why didn’t you reach out?” He asked.

“I did, I texted you.”

Looking at his phone, he saw the text he had ignored.

“You mean the one that sounds like every other text? How would I know you need help from that?”

The TikTok video went on to discuss how it only takes 8 minutes for someone to feel not alone in their situation. If the woman had told him she needed help, he would have responded differently, no matter how busy. Watching the scene, I couldn’t help but think of the friend who posted it, and I commented, “I always have 8 minutes for you.”

When we need help, we need to ask for it directly. Sending indirect messages like the woman’s text doesn’t tell the whole story. People don’t know your thoughts, only what you tell them. When you need help, ask. Turning to the Savior, He wants to hear your problems and help you solve them. Praying often prompts us to act, and many times we must ask others for help.

Personally, I struggle asking for help. Not wanting to bother anyone, I try to do whatever myself. But I’ve learned over the years that God made us for community because He never intended for us to face our battles alone. And people want to help us. When we don’t ask for assistance, we take away another’s blessing.

“Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.”

Proverbs 11:25

Submitting our lives to Christ begins when we ask for His forgiveness, saving us from our sinful nature. Without Jesus’ help, we can’t experience new life, free from our past sins. The more we live our lives for the Savior, the quicker we will become at knowing when we need help and asking for it. If you need someone to give you 8 minutes of their time, tell them that. Instead of sending an ambiguous text, send one with four words: I need your help. Only when we tell them directly will they know exactly what we need.

Know when you need support. Ask God and others for help when you need it. Created for community, we live fully when we share our lives with others.

Journal Questions:

How easily do you ask for help?

When did you need help and not ask for it? What happened?

How can you become better at asking for support when you need it?

Friendship Application:

Think about an area you need support with and ask for help.

Two-minute read.

Yesterday, I talked about weeping with those who mourn, using my spiritual mentor’s son’s accident as an example. The night Robbie died, my friend opened her house to his schoolmates. As kids gathered to mourn the tragic loss, I will never forget how one of the women in our Bible study practically supported our leader. When my friend came to the house, she brought bags full of paper plates, plastic utensils, napkins, and cups for those gathered to use. People brought dishes of food, drinks, and desserts to feed those gathered. The practicality of their actions taught me a lesson in showing love by our actions.

We can show love for others by meeting their needs. Don’t wait for people to tell you what they need; actively look for ways to support them. For the overworked mother, offer to babysit so she can have time for herself. When someone experiences an unexpected loss, make them a meal, take paper plates, clean their house. One of my favorite reels follows a guy who mows people’s lawns for them. Driving around neighborhoods, when he sees an unkempt yard, he knocks on the door and asks if he can mow it for them. No one ever says no, and his act of kindness brings joy to the receiver.

Finding ways to show love through your actions doesn’t require extreme effort. Simply buying a friend a cup of coffee and listening to their day demonstrates affection. When Ron comes home from work, I always ask him, “How was your day?” Because I love him, I want to know my husband’s joys and lows; to do so, I must ask. Small things have big impacts when we do them with love.

Random Acts of Kindness, 40 Day Challenge, ranks as my favorite devotional I wrote last year. Each day has something tangible people can do to spread kindness in the world, whether to those they know or strangers. Donating clothes, baking cookies for the neighbor, taking someone to lunch, writing an encouraging note, each day has a simple activity that can make someone’s day. Accepting the unconditional love of Christ should motivate us to want to share His love with others. When we find ways to demonstrate affection, we bless the Savior and find refreshment for our souls.

Love in deed, not just words. Find ways to show people you care. Blessing others blesses us.

Journal Questions:

When have someone’s actions shown you their love for you?

What small acts of love have had a significant impact on you?

How can you actively share Christ’s love today?

Friendship Application:

Find a way to show someone you love them today.

Two-minute read.

“Robbie had an accident.”

Sitting in the parking lot of Home Depot, I arrived home from Washington, D.C. that morning. Getting up early, I completed my work and drove to Williamsburg, returning around 10:00 a.m. Receiving the phone call from a dear friend, I never expected to hear those words. Robbie, my spiritual mentor and women’s Bible study leader’s 16-year-old son, had snuck out of his bedroom window and gone to a party. After dropping off a friend, the driver lost control of the car, landing in a tree, and both died instantly.

Immediately, I went to my friend’s house, where others had gathered to weep with her. We spent the next few days by her side, helping with arrangements. I will never forget the image of my friend, unable to walk, leaning on her husband for support, as they made their way to the casket the day of the funeral. For the first time, I confronted the brutal reality that bad things happen to God-fearing people who love and serve the Lord.

As the days and years passed, I wept many times with my friend. Words couldn’t bring her son back. God met us in the pit and helped us through those dark days. Knowing Robbie had given his life to Jesus brought comfort in the heavenly reunion that would one day occur. Years later, my friend succumbed to cancer, joining Robbie in heaven. At her funeral, we spent most of the time singing worship songs, because she now lives in the glory of the Savior, reunited with her son.

Just like we will have seasons of rejoicing with others, we will also experience seasons of weeping. Typically, the seasons of sadness come unexpectedly, like in Robbie’s case. Tragic accidents or lengthy illnesses can usher in a period of sorrow. From job loss to broken relationships, weeping comes in many forms. God doesn’t expect us to take away the pain or solve the issue, but He does want us to weep with those who weep. We don’t need words; sharing in others’ grief and crying with them brings them comfort. Sadness isolates people, making them feel alone. By weeping with those who weep, we help dispel loneliness and draw them back into community.

Weep with those who weep, mourn with those who mourn. Give them the gift of presence to help them persevere through their heartache.

Journal Questions:

When have you wept with someone who wept?

How has someone weeping with you helped you persevere?

In what ways does God comfort us through shared tears?

Friendship Application:

Weep with those who weep today and let them know you care.

Two-minute read.

 “Congratulations to the bride and groom!”

When I think of supporting others in seasons of joy, weddings come to mind first. Young brides, full of life, bursting with love, starting a new chapter with their forever best friend. Grooms, dressed to the nines, standing tall at the altar as they await their wives-to-be, smiles adorning their faces. Weddings epitomize joyful occasions and celebrate the best moments of many people’s lives.

Jesus performed His first miracle at the wedding at Cana. Invited with His disciples to the festivities, when the wine ran out, the Savior’s mother stepped into the story.

“The mother of Jesus said to him, ‘They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

John 2:3-5

Respecting His mother’s wishes, Jesus had six stone jars, typically used to wash visitors’ hands, filled with water. Each container held about twenty or thirty gallons. After filling them to the brim, the Savior told them to draw some out and take it to the master. When the host tasted the water, now wine, he had no idea where they had got it. Calling the bridegroom to him, the master compliments him for saving the best wine for last. Jesus rejoiced with those who rejoice.

Life has different seasons, some joyful, others not. When we can celebrate someone’s victory, we should. Whether a wedding, a job promotion, or a good grade in school, whatever the occasion, rejoice with those who rejoice. Recently, I got to rejoice with a friend over her pregnancy. At Awana’s, I rejoice with the kids when they receive their rewards. And when my husband chipped in his par shot, I rejoiced with him. Writing a few weeks before Christmas, I love celebrating the holidays and Jesus’s birthday.

Whatever the reason, when someone has an opportunity to rejoice, join in the celebration. Make joyful seasons memorable, as Jesus did, by joining in the festivities and delighting in the moment. Take pleasure in God’s blessings and share in the happiness. In all things, give glory to the Lord, letting His light shine brightly.

Journal Questions:

What do you think of when you think of rejoicing with others?

Who have you rejoiced with lately?

How can you rejoice with someone today?

Friendship Application:

Find ways to rejoice with those who rejoice today.

Two-minute read.

“Just show up!”

Speaking publicly at church after the murder of his son, Mike Cooke uttered those words to the congregation. Having survived five gunshot wounds during the robbery that took Bryan’s life, Mike described the grace he discovered going through the tragedy. When people asked him what they could do, he answered, “Just show up.”

Mike’s words that day impacted my life and gave me directions for how to help them move forward from the tragedy. Time and again, we showed up for them. Listening to Mike tell his story or sitting quietly, saying nothing. Words don’t matter as much as presence, for some things, no words exist that can do any good. But sitting with someone in pain and giving them the gift of presence helps share their burden.

When someone has a burden, and you don’t know how to share it with them, ask them, “How can I best serve you?” They may not know at that moment, but given time, they will have an answer. Knowing you care enough to ask creates a safe space for them to respond. We all carry burdens; having someone willing to share the weight makes the journey so much easier.

Thankfully, we have a Savior who shares all our burdens. The Lord tells us to take His yoke upon us so we can find rest for our souls. Jesus gives us everything we need to persevere. When we lay our burdens at the foot of the cross, we can trust that He will give us rest from them. Christ showed up for us, fulfilling His Father’s will by dying on the cross, bearing our sins, taking the punishment we deserved. Because of the Savior’s actions, we have divine assistance in all we do. And with the Lord’s help, we can show up for others and share their burdens.

Don’t worry about saying the right thing. Showing up and becoming available to serve will help others share their burdens with you. If you see a need, meet a need. And if they don’t have anything for you to do in the moment, remain present until they do. Loving like Jesus means we put their needs before our own. God created us for community, sharing each other’s burdens creates unity, and fulfills the Great Commandment to love God and others.

Show up for people. Walk with them through the trials of life. Experience the joy of the Lord as you serve your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Journal Questions:

Who has shared your burdens?

How can you share someone’s burden today?

In what way does Jesus help you share others’ burdens?

Friendship Application:

Show up for someone in need today and share their burden.

Two-minute read.

God hears every word we say and think; He knows the meditation of our hearts. And I must confess, I’m not proud of some of the words, thoughts, and meditations I’ve had in the past. However, I have immense gratitude to the Lord for showing me the error of my ways and for helping me capture my thoughts and make them obedient to Christ.

“You demonize people,” Ron told me early in our marriage. Working through a conflict with a friend, I could see nothing good about them, only focusing on the bad. Using confirmation bias, I searched for things they did or said that would affirm my belief that I disliked them. Because they had hurt me, the pain closed my eyes to anything good. Ron helped me understand that people have both good and bad. I have both; we all do. And when we look for the bad, we will find it, but if we look for the good, we will see it as well.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

Meditating on God’s word will help us not demonize people, but instead, accept them as imperfect people. Only Jesus lived a perfect life; for the rest of us, we fall short of the mark and require grace. Choosing to meditate on scripture allows us to please God with the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts. Now, when I get hurt, instead of meditating on the pain, I give it to the Lord and let Him heal my heart. By doing so, I can look below the surface and see the person’s own hurt that caused the action, or maybe they didn’t mean to hurt me at all, completely unintentional. Either way, the Creator reveals the truth to me, helping me extend grace and love as Jesus did.

Center your thoughts on the Savior, meditate on His teachings. The more we focus on God, the more pleasing our words and meditations will become. As we allow the Lord to search our hearts, revealing iniquities, the purer it will become. Only when we shed light in the darkness can we become bearers of the light. Jesus leads us in the way of righteousness; the better we follow, the more we will become like Him.

Journal Questions:

When have you said, thought, or meditated on the wrong thing?

In what ways can you focus your thoughts on Jesus?

How do you think meditating on God’s word will help you live more abundantly?

Friendship Application:

Focus your heart and mind on Jesus and let Him lead you in His ways.

Two-minute read.

“I suck.”

“You can’t say that.”

“Well, I didn’t follow through.”

“You can say I didn’t follow through, but you can’t say I suck. I was a tennis coach for ten years, and one of my pet peeves is negative thinking. I’m working on it myself.”

Playing in a charity golf tournament for Toys for Tots, Ron and I shared a foursome with a grandfather and his grandson, a sophomore in high school. Our young friend put extreme pressure on himself and expected perfection out of every shot, quickly becoming discouraged. As we played the 18-hole tournament, I took every opportunity possible to encourage and uplift him. No, he wouldn’t go on the professional tour anytime soon, but based on his performance, he would have an incredible golf game. The younger you start playing the challenging game, the better you get at it, as in anything.

The more you practice encouraging others, the better you will become at it. Coaching helped me become more aware of my language and taught me to use uplifting and encouraging words with my students. Kids put a lot of pressure on themselves for many different reasons; helping them learn to manage that pressure and develop realistic expectations without limiting their potential takes intention. We must first recognize our power to influence people with words, then decide if we want to build people up or tear them down.

Some people do want to tear others down. And, before I knew Jesus, I took my pain out on others with destructive words that destroyed relationships. Placing my faith in the Savior began the transformation that helped me use my words more positively. No matter how perfect a person’s life looks on the outside, they have struggles that no one knows exist. The more people I get to know, the more I become aware of this fact. When you hear people’s stories, they will amaze you. The pain and suffering people endure and the strength they find in Christ will inspire and give you hope.

Determine today to become an encourager. Speak words of life to people that encourage and inspire them to become who God created them to become. Before our mothers gave birth to us, the Lord had a plan for our lives. Helping others discover and live out the Creator’s will for them happens when we build each other up. Starting today, become an encourager and enjoy the blessing of watching others blossom and bloom.

Journal Questions:

Who has encouraged you with their words?

How have you seen your words impact someone else’s life?

What do you need to work on today to become an encourager?

Friendship Application:

Use uplifting and encouraging words to build people up.

Two-minute read.

Dispelling lies creates unity. We can’t allow deception to take away from the integrity of the gospel. Jesus came to tell the truth, and He did so with love. Everyone falls short of the mark, sinners in need of grace. Accepting the reality of our human condition helps us submit our lives to Christ, confess and repent, receive the grace He offers, and become a new creation in Him. As Jesus told the adulterous woman, “Go and sin no more” (John 8:11). Once we recognize our sin, we must stop doing it.

However, sometimes we can’t see the error of our ways, and we need someone to point them out to us in love. Or, we need to speak truth in love to someone else. Whatever information we share, we must do it in love. If we can’t speak in love, we shouldn’t say it at all. Words spoken for any other motive will only cause more harm.

My husband can speak words into my life that no one else can because of his love for me. When Ron confronts an issue in my life, something I need to address, I know it comes from a place of unconditional love. However, if someone else tried to tell me the same thing, I might not listen because it doesn’t come from the same place. People have ulterior motives, and they don’t always come couched in love.

The better we become at speaking in love to others, the more we will become like Christ. Remembering, Jesus gave His life for us because He wants the best for us; He helps us want the same for others. When we see someone heading down a destructive path, in love, we try to stop them by pointing out the truth with care and tenderness. In scripture, we see many examples of the Savior speaking in love to help others avoid pain, but not everyone accepts it. The rich young ruler couldn’t give up his wealth to follow Jesus, no matter how lovingly Christ spoke to the man (Mark 10:17-27). But we can still try, just as the Savior did.

Learn from Jesus how to couch your language in love. Speak truth with caring and conviction and help others find the fullness of life Christ so desires for us. Only when we live in truth will we fully appreciate our journey and live the abundant life God’s Son died to give us.

Journal Questions:

Who speaks truth in love well in your life?

How has someone sharing the truth with you helped you avoid pain?

How can you become better at speaking the truth in love?

Friendship Application:

Practice speaking the truth in love by doing what Jesus did.

Two-minute read.

“What seems to be the problem here?”

As a store manager, I handled all the conflicts that arose in my shop. Typically, the conflict involved how the sales associate dealt with a situation. They might not have the answer to the customer’s question, or the guest might have felt disrespected or unheard. Rarely did the problem arise from a product issue; instead, it came from a people issue. Easily offended customers can always find something to cause a ruckus over.

Lowering my voice and speaking in a calm, quiet tone made the customer focus and listen, immediately de-escalating the issue. Usually, within minutes, we could find a solution to their complaint and part ways amicably. However, if I came in guns-a-blazing, accusing the customer of whatever, that did no one any good and only caused tempers to flare. How we handle conflict determines how quickly we can work through it.

Learning to remain calm and give a gentle answer deflects anger. Like a fire, if we don’t feed it, the flames die. But the more fuel we provide the flames, the longer the fire will burn. We can decide whether to keep the argument going or diffuse it by stopping the feeding. One study found that 45% of disinformation and argumentative comments on social media came from bots, computers programmed to inflame and lie to people, keeping the fire going and causing chaos.[1]

Gentle answers diffuse negative emotions and help resolve conflict. As Christ’s followers, we should share peace, not strife. Jesus revolutionized the world, but He did so with love and compassion, not anger and hatred. We will have conflict in life, as the Savior did, and, like Him, we have a choice about how we handle it. Responding with love will diffuse the situation, while letting anger take control only makes it worse.

Typically, when someone wants to argue, it becomes evident quickly. Like a customer looking for a discount by causing a conflict, we can choose to engage or defer. Before we respond, we must decide how we want the conversation to go. I’ve learned that most arguments don’t deserve the energy it takes to fuel them. Finding a peaceful compromise takes less energy and honors the Savior by restoring the relationship. Lowering our voices and speaking gently will help resolve conflicts quickly and bring peace to those involved.

Journal Questions:

When has responding with harsh words caused you more problems?

In what ways can you give a gentle answer during conflicts?

How can you spread peace today?

Friendship Application:

Resolve to speak with gentle words and create peaceful relationships.

---

[1] https://www.kare11.com/article/news/local/kare11-extras/to-catch-a-bot-social-medias-growing-problem-with-aritificial-intelligence/89-d2dcdcb9-59cd-4300-9d2e-ae1aefe3a7ce#:~:text=Their%20report%20claimed%2045%25%20of%20them%20were,fake%20accounts%20that%20were%20pushing%20a%20specific

Two-minute read.

Using uplifting and encouraging words will build healthy relationships. Everyone has struggles we can’t see; they don’t need abusive language to make them feel worse. Grace-filled language says everything with love. We need to speak truth, but we must do so with kindness, not with hurtful motivations. A few months ago, I heard this statement:

“Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Don’t say it mean.”

Unfortunately, I forgot where I heard the words, but I haven’t forgotten the sentiment behind them. No matter what news we must deliver, we can do it well if we couch it in grace. As an ex-mean girl, I know how to do damage with words. But saying hurtful things only revealed the state of my heart, and the pain I felt inside. As I allowed Jesus to heal my hurts, He changed my speech.

Until we can say things with love, we shouldn’t say them at all. If someone presses you on a topic you don’t want to discuss, you always have the option of saying, “I’m not ready to talk about it. I need more time.” Better to wait until you have a clearer perspective than to force an issue that could create problems. Malicious gossip and slander cause irreparable damage, and we shouldn’t partake in any of it. Unwholesome talk of any kind destroys relationships, and we must remain vigilant in what we say.

Words have the power to hurt others. But they also have the power to heal them. If we study Jesus’s speech, we will learn how to use our language to help others, not hurt them. A Master of conversation, Christ asked questions that gave people insight into their actions. Speaking with love, the Lord always has the receiver’s best interest at heart. He never told lies, gossiped, or slandered anyone, but with grace and kindness, the Savior addressed everyone with honesty and love.

Speak only with grace and watch your relationships flourish. Learn from God’s Son how to talk to others and build people up with every word you say. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Become an encourager and let the Lord work through you by speaking only uplifting, encouraging words. Represent Jesus well, not only in what you do, but also in what you say.

Journal Questions:

When have you spoken words you wish you could take back?

How can you become better at speaking the truth in love?

Who needs to hear uplifting and encouraging words from you?

Friendship Application:

Make saying only uplifting and encouraging words a rule in your life.