Honest Reflections

“But we encourage you, brothers and sisters, to do this even more, to seek to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you.” 1 Thessalonians 4:11 CSB

Jesus lived a simple life.  He never owned a home, He never drove a car, He never married.  He walked everywhere He went. He didn’t worry about what He was going to eat or where He would sleep.  He didn’t have a checking account, He didn’t have a credit card. Yet He changed the world. Over 2000 years later, and His message and ministry is more alive and active than ever.  Jesus kept it simple, and so should we. But how do we do that in this hectic world we live in today, how do we keep it simple?

I have found one key to the simple life in this verse, “mind your own business.” I worked my way through college at a hotel in Williamsburg as a Front Desk Clerk.  I fell in love with a guy I worked with there. Unfortunately, he was in love with someone else, who also worked there. Classic love triangle. As soon as the other girl found out we were dating, she decided she was interested in him.  My heart was broken. I still had to work with both of them, I had to watch them take breaks together, hold hands, all of the things I wanted to be doing with him. Then one night a guest of the hotel gave me two porcelain angels, he sat them before me on the counter.  He told me God had angels watching over me; I needed to keep my eyes focused on what was in front of me. He helped me realize, it was none of my business what they were doing, they weren’t in front of me.

Minding our own business can be tough.  Losing ourselves in other people’s problems keeps us from focusing on our own problems.  We justify not fixing the brokenness in our own lives by focusing on the brokenness in someone else’s life.  We all have broken areas that need attention. Dealing with our brokenness takes hard work. We have to identify the brokenness, change our behavior, and  accept our reality. For my love triangle, I had to accept the truth he had been using me to make her jealous, he had never cared for me, I was just a means to an end.  The truth was hard for me to accept, but once I did, I could begin to heal. I began to learn what God wanted me to learn. I wasn’t applying God’s principles to my life, it was one way God drew me back to Him.  God showed me when we try to do things without Him, we hurt ourselves in ways He never intended us to hurt. I learned that if I was going to invest my time in someone else’s business, I wanted that business to be God’s business. When God’s business becomes the business we mind, we will begin to find the simple life.

I’ve recently been introduced to this concept of Exposure Therapy, it’s used to help people confront their fears. For instance, I have a fear of cars from an accident I was in while I was driving. The more I drive, the more I confront my fear of driving, this is an example of Exposure Therapy. Thankfully, I have to drive to do the things I want to do, so I was practicing Exposure Therapy without even realizing it. Now I have Exposure Therapy on the brain, I’m applying it to everything.

At the same time I’m learning about Exposure Therapy I’m reading a book on grief. Applying Exposure Therapy to the book on grief I’m reading, “On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss.” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler, their book is it. Elisabeth was dying when this book was written, in fact she died before it was finished. They make the point early in the book, death is part of the life cycle, but a part we rarely talk about. The book makes this point by illustrating all different types of death, from adults to children. Exposure Therapy on how many people in this world are grieving, and how poorly the majority of us handle it.

I’ve also realized how important communication is in the grieving process, especially for children. However we first experience grief as a child is often how we will manifest it as an adult. We don’t mean too, but often children don’t understand what we’re saying. One illustration from the book, a child had lost his grandfather. He asks his grandmother, “When are they going to chop his head off.” The poor boy thought when he had heard the term “head stone” it meant where they bury the head. Kids think so differently than we do, so innocently. Amazing how easy is it to believe a lie.

That is my thought for the day. I pray it’s a good one for you!

“For every activity there is a right time and procedure, even though a person’s troubles are heavy on him.” Ecclesiastes 8:6 CSB

I was walking out the door the other night to teach a tennis lesson when my husband dropped a bomb on me.  He had received an email that was filled with strife. We were in the middle of a Virginia heat wave, I had already taught for four hours in it, and now was facing three more hours of teaching.  I had been praying all afternoon for a thunderstorm to hit so I could cancel, but as I watched the radar it wasn’t God’s will. Not one drop landed on us. I could not sit and talk, I could not let myself get caught in the storm, I had to go teach a lesson to a student who is very dear to my heart.  He has no self confidence, he’s 15 years old and thinks everything he does is wrong. I know this because every time he makes a mistake he berates himself. The look on his face breaks my heart. But teach this lesson is what God was calling me to do, He obviously didn’t want me to worry about the email.

I headed to the courts and met my student, as I started feeding him balls I was praying for rain.  I was having a hard time concentrating, but I knew he deserved my best. My problems were not his problems.  I remembered my training, if you’re only teaching to make money, give it up, you’re students deserve better from you.  I had to capture my thoughts and focus on what God had before me. Instead of thinking of the email, I started preaching to myself.  “God, You are bigger than any problem I face. God you already know the answer to this. God, I need to trust you and focus on the task at hand.  God, obviously You are not going to make it rain, obviously You want me to teach right now.” And so I taught, for the next three hours. I loved on the students God sent me, I thanked Him for them, and I taught them to the best of my ability.  God knew exactly what He was doing when He made me live up to my commitments and teach.

God was fulfilling His purpose for my life.  He was teaching me that He really was in control and I needed to trust Him more.  God helped me work through my original emotional response I had to the situation. By the time I had finished teaching, I quickly realized I was overreacting.  The email and the situation weren’t as bad as what I had originally thought. God taught me something that day. He taught me to love those in front of me, He reminded me He’ll take care of all the rest; He is in charge and He knows what He is doing.  He let me know, for the millionth time, His timing is truly perfect.

Bad things will happen in life, to all of us.  None of us are immune, God’s word tells us so in John 16:33, a verse you will hear me reference often.  “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

“The counsel of the Lord stands forever; the plans of His heart from generation to generation.” Psalm 33:11

Today is my 7th wedding anniversary.  Those are words I thought I would never say, I never thought I would be married. But the Lord has taught me, He is never to be underestimated.   I met my husband in October of 2010, at one of the lowest points of my life. My Mom was recovering from a major surgery, she had pancreatic cancer that had been surgically removed.  I was taking care of her at the time. My life consisted of work, taking care of my Mom and tennis. All of these things done with God. He was in every aspect of it, my relationship with Him flourished, as it always does when we are in our deepest valleys.  I had resigned myself that this was my life. I would be alone forever. I was never meant to marry, my husband was God and you can’t get a better husband than that.

Until I walked onto the tennis courts at Back Creek park in York County, VA on Oct. 21, 2010 and met Ron Morrison.  He had on a white pocket t-shirt and black shorts. I know this, because for the first several months of our relationship, it’s what he wore every time.  In his thinking, it took out the decision making of what he had to wear. Finally, one of our mutual friends questioned him about it, and we helped him understand, deciding what to wear isn’t the worst thing in the world.  I’ve never met a kinder man than my husband. To this day, his heart amazes me. He truly is my better half, he has made me a better person with him than I would have ever been without him. He’s not perfect, he is my opposite.  His strengths are my weaknesses, my strengths his weaknesses. We compliment each other.

God’s plans always prevail.  Neither Ron, nor I had been married, or ever thought we would marry. But God knew we would.  His plan had been in place long before Ron and I ever met, long before we were ever born. From generation to generation, God’s plans prevail.  What God wants, God gets. What God has taught me through my marriage to Ron is simple: I want God’s plans to prevail. He does know best. Even in the midst of the worst storms, God has a plan.  He’s working it out in us if we just let Him. By the time I met Ron, I was solidly grounded in God, Ron was just icing on the cake. Ron knows, and always has that he comes second in my life, after God.  I know, and always have, I come second in Ron’s life. God is first, then us, then others. That is our formula for the past seven years. God has taken us places we never thought we would go, I can’t wait to see where He takes us next.  I’m praying, as we move forward from this day, God gets what He wants in our lives. We’re just going to sit back and enjoy the ride.

This is a special post, tomorrow is our seventh wedding anniversary. You have no idea how excited I am. I have prayed for so long our marriage would last seven years. Marriage is so hard, it takes so much work. The only way I can have the amazing marriage I do, is through prayer. And I have friends who did not get to share a seventh wedding anniversary because he died. Wedding anniversaries are not guaranteed, no where in writing will you find that guarantee. But God willing, tomorrow evening at 7:10 p.m. we will officially celebrate our wedding anniversary. I will be praising the Lord! He is the only way we have lasted this long.

This morning I was thinking about how much better Ron has made me. I am more honest than I have ever been. Other than my Dad and brothers, I have never met a man as honest as he is, He’s not perfect, everyone tells white lies, but he’s a lot closer than me. Actually, two men, because his Dad is the sweetest man I have ever met. The way he loved his wife as she was declining with Alzheimer’s, those were the most tender moments I have ever witnessed on earth. God willing Ron and I will get to grow old together, God willing we’ll get to experience the deep love his parents had. He helps me tell the truth more. In those moments when I don’t want too tell the truth, he helps me tell the truth. Which makes life so much easier, the more you tell the truth, the less you have to remember. God knows, the older you get the harder to remember things, make it easier on yourself. As Ron says, “Just tell the truth.” Thank you Honey for making me more honest.

Ron has also helped me to relax. Anyone that knew me Before Ron, knows I’m more relaxed now than ever. The man just knows how to chill better than anyone I have ever met. His ability to absorb stress and let it roll off of him, is truly amazing. He does get stressed, everyone gets stressed. He is a master at handling stress. As a result of his ability to handle stress, I’ve become better at handling stress. Good Lord, I’m in therapy to help me chill out. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum in the chill dimension. I never realized how uptight I was until I married Ron. Honey, thank you for teaching me this lesson, so grateful!

Ron has helped me face the hardest losses of my life; he has helped me survive them. I am so grateful for every time he has held me when I cried. I am so grateful for every funeral he attended with me, every wedding, every birth. Thank You Lord for his strength. I am thankful for the home You use him to provide for us. How well he maintains our house. Thankful for this home that has provided me comfort in the middle of life storms.

I’m grateful for every moment you have given us together Lord. I pray there are millions more ahead for us. I pray that they are happy, healthy and prosperous moments. But as always Lord, Your will be done. Think how much better I’ll be if the Lord gives us another seven years together. One can hope and pray!

“Many plans are in a person’s heart, but the Lord’s decree will prevail.” Proverbs 19:21 CSB

I’ve been making a new friend this year, C.S. Lewis.  Lewis was a British theologian. He was born in 1898 and died the same day as President Kennedy, Nov. 22, 1963.  He was born into a Protestant family in Ireland, he was sent to boarding school in England a month after his mother passed away when he was 10.  Lewis publicly wrestled with his faith. At one point in his life, he rejected God completely. He became an atheist. He was teaching at Oxford when he met J.R. Tolkien and they became drinking buddies, they formed a group called the Inklings.  The Inklings would sit around drinking beer, smoking cigars and debating faith. It was this group that brought him back to faith in Jesus. One night, on a long walk home with Tolkien and another friend, Hugo Dyson, he came to the realization that the proof was indisputable.  Not only did Jesus exist and God was real, but he needed him in his life. Lewis spent the rest of his life going from “self scrutiny” to “self forgetfulness.” He wrote over 30 books and is one of the most widely read theologians to date. He planned to disprove there is a God, but God had bigger plans for his life.  

This morning, as I was getting to know my friend better, he gave me new insight into living with Christ.  In his book, “Mere Chrisitanity” he talks about our lives like a house. When we first accept Jesus into our house, he does the main repairs. He fixes the leaks we have, repairs any damage we may have done to our house, all things we know we need to work on in our lives.  We’re ok with this, because we knew we needed some work. But then God starts doing things we don’t expect. He starts changing the house in ways we didn’t want it to be changed, it hurts and it doesn’t make sense. He starts adding on additions, tearing down walls, creating an entirely new plan for our house.  Why in the world would God do this? Lewis says the answer is simple, you thought God was going to make your house into a neat little cottage, but God has bigger plans for you. He’s building a beautiful mansion, one in which He will dwell.  

God has much bigger plans for you than you have for yourself.  We make our plans, but God’s will prevails, always. Instead of a little cottage, He gives us a mansion.  A mansion takes a lot of work to build, over time, but in the end it will be made perfect. But none of us will become the mansion God intends us to be in our lives if we don’t give Him complete ownership of our house.  If we want to be all God has planned for us to be, we have to let Him have control. He’s the builder, we’re the raw material. When’s He’s finished, we won’t be able to recognize ourselves. His plans are always best, but not always easiest, His work always perfect.

“I know that you can do anything and no plan of yours can be thwarted.” Job 42:2 CSB

The Marathon of Hope has raised over $600 million worldwide for cancer research.  The annual run for the organization is called the Terry Fox Run. The marathon is held in Canada and other countries around the world.  Terry Fox was born and raised in the western part of Canada. At 18 years old he was diagnosed with bone cancer. As a result, he had to have his leg amputated 6 inches above his right knee.  During his rehabilitation in the hospital, Terry was overcome with compassion for the cancer patients that were there with him. Most of the patients were children. He decided he wanted to do something to help these people he had come to love.  He decided to run across Canada to increase awareness for cancer research. His journey started in St. John’s, Newfoundland on April 12, 1980. Not many people were there, just close friends and family. He ran 26 miles a day through Canada’s Atlantic provinces, Quebec and part of Ontario.  The longer he ran, the more enthusiasm grew for his plight and money started to accumulate. His dream was coming true, he had found his purpose.

But his dream was never completed, not by Terry.  143 days into his run cancer was discovered in his lungs.  He was forced to stop running outside of Thunder Bay, Ontario.  He had gone 3,339 miles when he stopped on Sept. 1, 1980. On June 28, 1981 he passed away at the tender age of 22.  The nation mourned his passing. His legacy lives on today through the Marathon of Hope. Terry Fox did more in his 22 years than most of us do in 70 because he found his purpose.  His purpose was to start the mission, God used his selflessness to gain the attention of the world. It may have looked like the journey had ended when Terry took his last breath, but his death spurred on the mission that his life could not have.  There is no way Terry could have known what God intended when he started his first run on April 12. There is no way anyone could have predicted what the Marathon of Hope would become. Except for God, He knew what was going to happen when Terry took that first step.  God knew his plans would not be thwarted.

God has a purpose for your life, just like He had one for Terry’s.  We know it’s to love God and love others as we talked about yesterday.  For each of us, living it out will look different. The people we are given to love will be different.  For Terry, it was his fellow cancer patients. Your purpose may be many, or it may just be one.  We don’t know how God will use the love we share with others, but we can be certain, He will use it. God has a purpose for you, and nothing will thwart it from being completed.

“I call to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me.” Psalm 57:2 CSB

We all wonder if we have a purpose in life.  When things seem crazy around us, nothing seems to be going right, it’s easy to ask the simple question:  What is the purpose in all of this? I’m sure Mary thought that when she became an unwed, pregnant teenager.  She had no idea her purpose was to give birth to the Savior of the world. An angel appears to her, tells her she will become pregnant and give birth to the “Son of the Most High” (Luke 1:28-33 NIV).  I love her reply: “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” (Luke 1:34 NIV).  After the angel explains to her exactly how this will happen, Mary gives us a lesson in accepting our purpose in life with these words: “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled” (Luke 1:38 NIV).

Mary didn’t have an easy purpose in life.  Joseph, her fiance wanted to kick her to the curb when he found out.  Being pregnant ruined her reputation in the community. I’m sure friends and family turned their backs on her. Mary would have been treated as an outcast, she might as well have had leprosy. If God hadn’t sent an angel to Joseph he wouldn’t of married her. The story of her pregnancy is  just a few short verses, but to Mary it was her life. It was nine months of living with people whispering about her, accusing her of ungodly things. It was nine months of being judged and outcast.  People are mean, religious people even meaner, just look at the Pharisees and Sadducees in the Bible, they lived to make people feel bad. But Mary knew her purpose. She knew she was chosen by God to do something no one else in history can claim, give birth to His Son.

You and I, we’re like Mary.  We have a very special purpose, one that God knows. Our purpose is one that He reveals to us.  You may not know what your purpose is like Mary did, an angel may not appear to you with a specific message, but you do have a purpose.  We all share one purpose together, the Great Commandment: Love God with all you got, love others as yourself (Mark 12:30-31 NIV). This decree was given by Jesus when He was asked what the most important commandment is for all of us.  The Great Commandment is a starting point for finding your purpose. Whoever God places before you, you are to love them to the best of your ability. In order to love people as God intends us too, we have to get that love from Him. We have to put Him first and let Him fill us up, it is the only way we can love others.  Our purpose is to love God and love others, it will take a lifetime to complete. If you want to act like you have purpose it’s easy, just love God and whoever He sends your way.

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.” Colossians 4:6 CSB

Morton Salt gives these household tips for its use:

Stain Removal: use salt to clean stains from coffee pots and vases. Salt removes rust from household appliances and bicycles.

Wellness: gargling with salt water alleviates mild sore throats. Soaking in warm salt water soothes tired feet after a long day.

Odor Elimination: salt can remove odors from hands, cutting boards, even garbage disposals.

Salt has many uses, from keeping meat from decaying to removing odors, it’s simple but powerful.  Our words can have the same affect. Our words can remove the stain of sin by giving forgiveness to others.  Words can take the rust off of an old relationship and give it new life. What we say promotes health and wellness.  When we speak life giving words to the people God places before us, we’re giving them positive energy that helps them live a healthier, more balanced life.  And lastly, our words remove odors, they remove the stench of sin when they speak love into people’s lives. When our words are full of loving kindness, forgiveness and mercy, encouragement and belief they are seasoned with salt.

The daily recommendation for salt in America is about 1 teaspoon a day.  However, the actual amount used by Americans is approximately 50% more than what is recommended.  We love our salt in America, and we should love it in our words. We should think of it as seasoning in all we say, whenever we say it.  Seasoning all of our language with God’s grace, His mercy and His love will mean we always know what to say and when to say it. It means we will also know, if we have nothing nice to say, we shouldn’t say anything.  It’s a simple filter we can all use to season our words. Before we say it, ask this simple question: Is what I’m about to say uplifting and encouraging? If it isn’t, then we shouldn’t say it. In fact, we shouldn’t say anything UNTIL it is uplifting and encouraging.  By putting this one simple filter into our speech, it will ensure that our timing is always perfect. 

In all reality, there will be times we say things we shouldn’t say.  Words will slip out of our mouths that were never meant to be heard, only thought.  When that happens, ask for forgiveness and learn from it. Learn what you can do to prevent it from happening again.  Seek God and His wisdom, ask a friend to hold you accountable, put your hand over your mouth. Do whatever it takes to learn from your mistake, then move on.  Don’t let it hold you back. We all make mistakes, none of us are perfect. We should always listen more than we speak, but when we don’t, learn the art of forgiving yourself.  God already forgave you, it’s ok to let yourself off the hook too.

“Little children, let us not love in word or speech, but in action and truth.” 1 John 3:18 CSB

St. Clare of Assisi was a Franciscan nun.  She was born into a wealthy aristocrat’s family in 1194.  At the age of 15, when she was engaged to be married, she heard the gospel preached by St. Francis of Assisi which caused her to refuse to marry.  When she was 18 she escaped from her father’s home and took refuge in the Benedectine convent. She traded her jeweled belt for a rough woolen habit.  She cut off all of her hair, which at this point in time meant she could never marry. Her father and brother’s stormed the convent to retrieve her. She clung to the altar, saying nothing.  Then she revealed to them her cut tresses. They knew, at this point, she was never coming home.

St. Clare left the convent only twice after this event.  Once to attend the funeral of her longtime friend and mentor, St. Francis.  The other time was when the Saracens invaded her small town, surrounding the convent.  Clare, after praying with her fellow sisters, grabbed the crucifix and ran out and confronted the army.  Her efforts succeeded in turning the army away and saving the convent. St. Clare lived a life of poverty, she lived barefoot, sleeping on the ground, eating no meat and living in almost complete silence.  Yet thousands of years later she is still impacting lives. Her convent is the only one which has continued to flourish over all these years. St. Clare ministered to people in two specific ways. She cut a hole in the wall of the convent, she put her hand through the hole and she would pray for the people who came to her, never seeing their face.  And she wrote letters, hundreds of letters that have survived the test of time. Letters that carry her words on to this day.

St. Clare loved not with verbal words, but with action and truth.  Our actions do speak louder than our words. Acts of love and kindness extend far further than words we say.  As we’ve been learning these last few days, it’s important to listen more than we speak. St. Clare gives us the next step as we learn to keep our mouths shut, we need to be doers of the word.  If we want to share the love of Jesus, we must remember, love is a verb. It’s an action. Not only must we listen more than we speak, we must act in love. St. Clare is an example of what those actions can do.  Actions conquer armies, they heal the sick, they speak louder than our words ever will.