Honest Reflections

“A person takes joy in giving an answer; and a timely word, how good it is.” Proverbs 15:23 CSB

Recently I had the opportunity to travel with my husband for his work.  I’ve done the trip with him many times before to Pawley’s Island, SC. We always do the same thing when we go, same route, same routine.  A store he does retail systems for is there. Usually it’s just a quick in and out trip, we never stay in that area because it’s in the furthest location, typically we stay closer to Myrtle Beach because he has larger stores there he manages.  This time though, we stayed near the store at Pawley’s Island.

On this quick overnight trip, we decided to do something we had never done, we decided to turn right and actually go to Pawley’s Island.  In all of the years we have gone there, we have never actually gone to the island.   What we discovered was an amazing little town nestled close to the ocean front. The island had a tiny church that overlooked the marsh. The town hall was a step back in time, a small building that shared its roof with the police station.  The houses all close together created an intimacy that immediately made us feel part of a secret hideaway. Just miles from the hustle and bustle of Myrtle Beach, it was apparent the island is a refuge to those who spend time there. We discovered a little piece of heaven, all because we decided to turn right.

We can discover the same thing when we choose to turn right with our words.  When we don’t say everything we’re thinking, when we stop and think before we speak, we’re turning right.  For years, I was quick to speak and slow to listen. But then I discovered James 1:19 which instructs us to take a different road.  James tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. I decided to turn right, I decided to put it into practice. What I discovered was less conflict in my life, less strife, less regret.  I found I never regretted what I didn’t say. I found it doesn’t hurt to wait 24 hours before making a reply. I found that in turning right it helped take the emotion out of my reactions and replace it with reality and logic.  I found a way to create peace in my relationships instead of conflict. My words became more timely, less reactive. 

Choosing to turn right with our words isn’t always easy.  It will be a lifelong choice we will have to make over and over again.  But it will bring more peace and less strife. Choosing to be quick to listen and slow to speak gives you the opportunity to find joy in your answers.  Choosing silence will bring a timely word when you do speak. Your words will be life giving instead of life taking. You will never regret what you don’t say when you listen more than you speak.

“It’s not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a person” Matthew 15:11 CSB

Jesus knew what psychologists have learned: “People spend 60% of their conversations talking about themselves, 80% when chatting on social media” (Dishman, 2015).  We love to talk about ourselves, all of us. Until I was researching for this devotional, I didn’t realize how much.  But it does make sense. One scroll through our social media pages will confirm we love to talk about ourselves. Researchers found the reason we talk so much, especially about ourselves, is because it helps us survive and thrive. In other words, we’re wired that way. Talking about ourselves makes us feel good. The problem is we talk too much.

When we talk too much we don’t hear what the other person is saying, simply because we’re not even giving them a chance to speak.  When you study the life of Jesus, you realize He was a good listener. He didn’t spend His days talking about Himself. We find an example of this in Luke. Jesus is replying to a mother who has just called out a blessing on Him and His mom (Luke 11:27 NIV).  Jesus’ reply is telling: “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it” (Luke 11:28 NIV). Jesus immediately deferred the attention away from Him and centered it on God.  He did it with very little words. When we are spending over half of our time talking about ourselves, we aren’t listening to God. If we aren’t listening to God, how can we obey Him?

The other problem with talking too much is we don’t get anything done.  We spend all day talking about it and no time doing it. James tells us we’re to do more than listen, we’re to do as well (James 1:22 NIV).  If we’re doing all the talking, we’re not listening. If we’re not listening, we’re not hearing what we’re supposed to do and doing it. When we’re doing, we don’t have time to talk about it, because we’re too busy doing.  Last week I had a friend stop over unexpectedly. In our conversation I learned she had hurt her back, and she had an outdoor project she wanted to get done. I had a few hours free, so I offered to help her. Instead of sitting around talking about it, we got up, went to her house and did the project.  It took us less than an hour working together to accomplish it. She didn’t hurt her back anymore and we had a wonderful afternoon together doing, not talking.  

If we want to grow in the Lord we need to learn to talk less, listen more and ask questions.  When we do, we’ll find unexpected blessings we otherwise would have missed. We’ll hear what God wants us to hear, we’ll do what God wants us to do.  But not until we stop talking.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21 CSB

People die because of the words that come out of other people’s mouths.  When the bomb was dropped on Hiroshima Aug. 6, 1945 approximately 90,000-146,000 people died over the next 2-4 months from radiation.  Over half of them in the first day. President Harry S. Truman ordered the bomb to be dropped in anticipation of a speedy end to the war.  Three days later another one was dropped on Nagasaki, killing another 40,000 plus people. Within days, Japan surrendered and the war ended.  In 1948, Truman instituted the Marshall Plan, a $15 billion plan that helped Europe rebuild after the war, giving them their lives back. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

We are like Truman, the words that come out of our mouths can cause death or can cause life.  It’s up to us which we choose. Words end marriages or make them flourish. When we are constantly pointing out everything wrong with our spouse, we’re bringing death.  When we focus on all of his good qualities, we are bringing life. The same happens in all of our relationships. The words we use will either build them up or tear them down.  The key to what comes from our mouth starts with what is in our hearts. “Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23. I was reminded of this recently in my own life.

The hardest people to love sometimes are those closest to us.  I had been struggling with a family relationship that was stirring up hatred in my heart.  For a Christ loving girl like me, it was a real struggle. I was seeking God, praying hard and keeping my mouth shut, knowing God would guide me through this.  And He did, but in the process I spewed out some of that hatred on a dear friend in a text. Gratefully, she is a woman of grace and love and forgave me. But that moment changed my life.  It made me realize I was filling my heart with hate and I didn’t even know it. Words have power to give life or death. From the well of our heart is where they originate, we have to be sure we’re filling our hearts with love so the words we speak are full of life. 

Fill your hearts with love today by soaking up the presence of God.  Keep the Son squarely in your eyes, remember all He has done. Remembering how Christ forgave me is what helps me forgive others.  When I begin to forgive, hatred is replaced by love. I begin to see the person through Jesus’ eyes. I’m able to pray for them, and yes, even to love them.  I’m able to let my words bring life instead of death. You can do the same too, by filling your heart with Jesus. When you do, your words will always bring life.

“The mind of the righteous person thinks before answering, but the mouth of the wicked blurts out evil things.” Proverbs 15:28 CSB

We are entering the dog days of summer, otherwise known as August.  The heat is at its highest, the sun is at its brightest and the kids only have a few weeks of summer left before they head back to school.  In honor of this very special time of year, we’re going to take a look at Scripture through the lens of a dog’s philosophy:  

Listen More Than You Speak

Always Act Like You have a Purpose

Appreciate a Simple Life

Give More than You Receive

Be Happy with what You Have

Be a Best Friend

There is a lot of wisdom in those topics we can all use.  Starting with thinking before you speak. An article titled “Think Before You Speak” by Shirley Vandersteen, Ph. D., R. Psych. Sums up the power of words beautifully:

“Your speech shapes your life. Time and again you find yourself in situations where the outcome depends on what you say and how you say it. Your words are a reflection of who you are. If your words are getting you into trouble, you’re showing others the very worst parts of you. You’re presenting yourself as being thoughtless, careless or just plain hurtful.”

What we say shapes who we are, it shapes what others think of us. Have you ever realized how much of your relationship with God is God listening to us?  He listens more than He speaks. We hear people all the time waiting to “hear” from God. God is an active listener, He’s not an active speaker. I’m not saying He doesn’t speak, He absolutely does, but if you compare it to the amount of listening He does, listening wins.  We can learn from His wisdom, we can become better listeners, less speakers. One way we can do that is by stopping and thinking about what we are saying or want to say. Often times, when we do this one thing, we’ll listen more than we speak. We realize quickly, what we want to say isn’t going to help the situation, only hurt it.  We also realize, we can’t take it back once it is said.  

As we kick off the Dog Days of Summer, let’s learn from Man’s Best Friend, God AND Dogs.  Let’s listen more than we speak.

“The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.” Proverbs 27:6 CSB

We are at the end of our month of prayer. I will not lie, this has been a challenge to write.  Each day it’s been hard to be honest about how much I struggle with all of these different things. But God has carried me through.  He has taught me a lot along the way, I pray He has done the same for you.

As we look at this one last Scripture for our month of prayer, I wanted to end with truth.  It is always best to seek the truth, over anything else. Truth can be hard to take. We may not want to hear it, preferring the lie, but it will always set us free (John 8:31-32).  It will always make you better. I’ve spent the last 6 weeks working on a project for my class. It was an analysis of a non-profit organization. I did all of my research, I answered all the questions, and when it was finished it was 21 pages long.  My first big project for school. I was so excited to turn it in, I was the first one, just knowing my work was good. I couldn’t wait to share it with my class.

My work was good, but it wasn’t great.  The presentation could have been better.  I’m not great with all of the graphic designs people use these days.  I’m still learning. As others began to share their projects, I saw these beautifully laid out presentations.  I don’t even know how to make a presentation look like that. One of the first feedback I received commended me for my research and writing, but he said I should have created a more visually interesting report.  I know he’s right. I just didn’t know how to do it, but I prefer his truth. I’m not going to receive the grade I was hoping to get, but I have learned a valuable lesson. Next time, I will make it visually more appealing.   I prefer the wounds of a friend than the kisses of an enemy. Because he told me the truth, I will do better next time. I won’t forget his words.

The truth isn’t always easy to receive, but it is what will make you better. It will help you grow and be all God has for you.  It will help you find your purpose. It is better than a thousand kisses from the enemy who does nothing but lie and deceive. Let’s end this month focused on the truth of God’s word.  Let’s be all we can be with this prayer:

Lord, we know You are truth.  We know the truth can be hard to hear sometimes, even wounding, but it is better than lies.  Help us as we move forward from this month of prayer, seeking Your truth in all things. When our enemies are lying to us, reveal it to us so we can know the truth (Proverbs 27:6 CSB).  In Jesus precious name we pray. Amen

“Don’t be deceived: God is not mocked.  For whatever a person sows he will also reap, because the one who sows to his flesh will reap destruction from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit.” Galatians 6:7-9 CSB

When I was younger, struggling through the loss of my Dad, I had this motto in my life:  The only person I’m hurting is myself. When I would go out partying and wake up the next morning with a hang-over or spend money I didn’t have, I would tell myself that line.  I liked the pain. I was hurting so much inside, the pain made me feel alive. I thought life was about pain. But then I learned a truth that changed my life. I wasn’t just hurting myself, I was hurting others.  I was hurting God, I was hurting my Mom and my family, I was hurting all the people that loved me. I just didn’t know it. I was sowing in the flesh, I was reaping in the flesh. I was reaping destruction.

What was the wake-up call?  I had a vision of myself in a car accident, late at night, by the side of the road.  I thought of my Mom having to find me like that. It haunted me. For the first time, I realized what I was doing to her. The woman who loved me more than anyone else in the world, who would do anything to protect me,and help me, I was hurting her.  Then I began to realize, she wasn’t the only one I was hurting. I began to realize I was hurting others as well. I realized there were a lot of people praying for me, rooting for me, trying to help me find my way. That is when the journey back to God started.  That is when I started to let Him heal my broken heart. That is when the light started to come back into my life.

That ten year period from 16-26 years old was a very dark period for me.  There are times, even today, when I think back on it and pray to God I never turn my back on Him again.  I pray He always reminds me that He takes our pain and makes something beautiful out of it. He uses all things to the good for those who trust in Him and believe (Romans 8:28).  I’ve gone through more painful things since I lost my Dad, but in all of them God’s been with me. And He still is. I’ve learned, God can’t be mocked, He can’t be deceived. We really do reap what we sow, and because of that, I want to make sure, I’m always sowing in Him.

Let’s do that today with this prayer:

Lord, we’re sorry for the times we’ve tried to deceive You, mock You even.  Help us not sow in the flesh, help us sow in the Spirit. Help us always sow in You, in Your eternal life.  Let us not sow in destruction. We give our pain to You, knowing You will make beauty from ashes. (Galatians 6:7-9).  In Jesus name we pray. Amen

“The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable, who can understand it.”  Jeremiah 17:9 CSB

Brene Brown, in her video, “7 Super Tips” talks about our emotions.  Our emotions come from the heart, which as it says in the verse above is more deceitful than anything else.  Our feelings lie to us. For instance, when something bad happens, our emotions get first crack at trying to make sense of it.  When emotions are driving, thought and behavior are in the trunk. The first thing we do is tell ourselves a story about what happened; we’re trying to make sense out of it.  We lie to ourselves when we’re emotional.

Years ago I was helping a single mom regain custody of her children.  She was divorced and had made some poor decisions, but had turned her life around.  I went with her on one of the visits to the lawyer. I sat there as the lawyer told her she was doing all the right things:  active in church, getting her finances in order, not dating anyone. He told her to keep doing what she was doing and all would go well.  I will never forget what happened next. We walked out of that meeting, got in the car, the first words out of her mouth were, “I have to find a husband.”  I looked at her in shock. “Did you hear what the lawyer just said to you?” I asked. She didn’t, she was so emotional, she wasn’t thinking straight. While she was emotional, her thoughts and behavior were in the trunk.  She couldn’t see the reality of the situation because her emotions were getting the best of her. She felt providing a father for her children was the most important thing she could do. It was only after the wave of emotion passed that we were able to talk about it rationally.  Emotions lie. Feelings lie.

If we are going to make good decisions based in reality, we have to learn not to trust our emotions.  We have to find a way to put them in the trunk and get out thought and behavior. We have to stop and ask ourselves, “What is actually going on here?  What am I feeling? What do I know for sure? We have to work at staying focused on the truth and not let our emotions lie to us. Thankfully, we have a God who will help us stay on track with the truth.  Let’s pray and have Him do just that:

Lord, we know our heart is deceitful above all things.  We know our feelings and emotions lie to us. Help us to see clearly, help us get beyond our emotions to the truth of the situation we’re dealing with today.  Help us find Your truth always. (Jeremiah 17:9 CSB). In Jesus name we pray. Amen

“Therefore rid yourselves of all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all slander.” 1 Peter 2:1 CSB

Today is a very special day.  Today is the birthday of this groups founder, Heather Seidnitzer.  I would like to take a moment to honor her with words, then explain why I chose this scripture for today.  

I met Heather through church.  She was one of my group leaders when I was a group coordinator. That is how our friendship started.  Eventually she helped me out by being a group coach, which I desperately needed. We found through those experiences, we work well together.  One of my favorite things about Heather is how she challenges me. I love her questions. They always make me stop and think. They always draw me closer to Jesus as I wrestle through them.  Neither of us had a clue what this group would look like in January. But God has been leading us together on this journey. Growing our relationship with Him, with each other, and with all of you.  From the bottom of our hearts, we all wish you a very special birthday Heather! May it be the beginning of an exceptionally blessed year for you!

Heather’s birthday happens to fall into the part of the month where we are attacking deception.  As I thought about Heather, I thought about how I know she deals with deception. She doesn’t have time for it.  She likes everything out in the open and up front. A very admirable quality to have. Sometimes though, when you’re ridding yourself of deception it can be painful.  It can be challenging to recognize the truth about a situation, about a person, even about yourself.

How do you rid yourself of deception?

By illuminating your life with Jesus.  By letting His light be the one to shine into the darkness.  One way to practically do it is with God’s word. Psalm 119:105, a well known verse, tells us His word is a lamp unto our feet.  For instance, His word is what has been and is leading Heather and I in this group. Heather’s obedience to growing her faith started this group.  We’ve been praying through the topics each month. We talk about ways we can love and care for everyone in the group. We pray for ways to connect you to each other.  His word has been a lamp to our feet as we’ve journeyed through the first part of this year. We’re trying to shine His light so brightly, there is no darkness. It is a journey of faith, one in which each day is a growing experience.  A new opportunity to seek His truth and dispel any deception we might be believing, whether it is about ourselves, someone else or a situation.

Let’s do it again today with this prayer:

“Lord, your word is a light unto our feet (Psalm 119:105 CSB).  We pray today it rids us of all deceit, all malice, all hypocrisy, envy and slander (1 Peter 2:1 CSB).  Let us live our lives in the brightness of You. Let us live it in truth, starting with the greatest truth of all:  Your love for us is unconditional and never ending. Bless Heather in a very special way today. In Jesus name we pray.  Amen

“Lord, rescue me from lying lips and a deceitful tongue.” Psalm 120:2 CSB

Lying is something we all do, whether we admit it or not.  From big lies to little lies, Psychology Today studies show the average person lies several times a day.  We’re born liars. Think of the two year old, sitting in a mess of cheerios, having spilled their bowl on the floor.  If you ask them if they spilled the bowl, the typical answer is “No.” All done with a cute look on their precious face that indicates they are lying.  No one taught them to lie, it’s a natural defense mechanism. Lies spill easily off of our lips, from telling someone you like their outfit when you don’t, to lying about your schedule so you don’t have to do something you don’t want to do.  Lying comes natural to us. Even George Washington, known for telling his Daddy the truth about chopping down the cherry tree, is actually a lie. It never happened.

According to an article from National Geographic titled, “Why We Lie: The Science Behind Our Deceptive Ways,” the top four reasons we lie, are to cover up a mistake or misdeed, to gain financial benefits, for personal advantage (other than money) and avoidance (to escape or evade other people). No one understands our lying nature better than God.  He understands it is a battle we all struggle with inside of ourselves. After all, He is our Creator, there is nothing about us He doesn’t know. Psalm 139:1 says God has searched us and He knows us. That means He knows our lies too, the ones we tell ourselves and the one we tell others.

So what are we to do?  If we are all liars, how do we combat that?  The answer is God. We turn to Him for truth.  Paul, in his letter to the Romans puts it this way: “Even if everyone else is a liar, God is true. As the Scriptures say about Him, “You will be proved right in what you say, and you will win your case in court.”  We submit ourselves to God and let Him do the work in us that needs to be done.  He’ll help us find the truth, in our own lives and in the lives of others.  Jesus, as He stood before Pilate being questioned gives us this truth: “In fact, the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” John 18:37 NIV

If we seek after Jesus, He’ll reveal the truth to us.  He’ll rescue us from our lying lips and our deceitful tongue.  Let’s use this Scripture today to invite Jesus’ truth into our lives.

Lord, we’re sorry we so easily lie.  We’re sorry we lie to ourselves and we lie to others.  Rescue us today from our lying lips and our deceitful tongues.  Help us to seek the truth Jesus came to share with us. Help us make it a part of our daily lives.  We can’t do it without you. (Psalm 120:2 CSB). In Jesus name we pray. Amen

“At Horeb they made a calf and worshiped the cast metal image.  They exchanged their glory for the image of a grass eating ox.” Psalm 106:19-20 CBS

Glory in this verse is referring to God.  This verse is a clear picture of what happens when we exchange the real thing for a substitute, in this verse a grass eating ox.  In economics, this is called the Substitution Effect: when the price of something is too high, consumers replace it with a lesser quality substitution.  This verse is referring to the Israelites impatience when Moses was on the mountaintop for 40 days with God. The price of waiting was too high for them so they decided to substitute it with a lesser God.  We can be guilty of the same thing, the price of waiting on God to move is too high so we decided to take things into our own hands.

The truth is, we’re all in God’s waiting room.  We’re all waiting for Him to do something. We could be waiting for a financial blessing, a healing blessing or a relational blessing.  The waiting room is where God teaches us some of our greatest lessons. The first one being patience. We have to learn not to substitute a lesser god for what God is doing in our lives.  Going on a shopping spree will not make God answer any faster, yelling at your spouse or loved ones will not make God move. Anything we choose to substitute for God will only make things worse, not better.

How can we wait well? First, be prepared for the wait.  When you go to the Dr’s. office, you know you’re going to have to wait before your appointment.  It’s the same mentality we need when waiting on God. We know God’s time is not our time, so prepare your mind for the wait.  Second, read His word. Just like there are magazines strewn around the Dr’s office to help you pass the time, God has given us His word we can read while we’re waiting for Him to act on our behalf.  We’ll find, if we stay focused on His word in the waiting room, He turns our waiting into opportunities to grow. Third, talk to the people who are waiting with you. Some of the best conversations can be had in a Dr’s waiting room, the same can be said in the waiting room of God.  When we talk to fellow believers who are waiting on God too, it helps pass the time faster. It helps us realize we’re not alone in the wait, everyone is waiting on something. These three tips can help you wait well. When we wait well we don’t substitute God’s glory for a grass eating calf, we wait for the steak.

Let’s wait well today with this prayer:

Lord, we’re all waiting for something.  Help us to wait well. Help us to keep our eyes focused on you by preparing our minds for the wait, staying focused on Your word, and letting the people who are waiting with us help us pass the time.  Teach us what you have for us in the waiting room, prepare us for the blessing that is coming. Unlike the Israelites, don’t let us settle for the grass eating ox , help us wait for the real thing, You. (Psalm 106:19-20).  In Jesus name we pray. Amen