Honest Reflections

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” (Proverbs 21:19 NIV)

A nag is someone who annoys or irritates (a person) with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging.  We all nag others to some extent, whether we realize it or not.

Mom’s nag their children to brush their teeth, make their bed, clean their rooms.  Wives nag husbands to fix the leaky toilet, pick up their dirty clothes, take off their muddy shoes. Husbands nag their wives about cleaning the house, cooking meals and whatever else annoys them.   Friends nag friends to break up with the boyfriend, or make up with the boyfriend or not have a boyfriend.  Nagging is a no win situation for all concerned.

No one wants to live with a nag.

As a tennis coach, I nag a lot.  “Racquet back.”  “Get those feet moving.” “Finish that stroke.’  The phrases I use are the same.  Tennis requires the same simple actions over and over again. The more repeated the motion, the better the player.  They tire of hearing me say the same thing over and over. Eventually, I don’t have to say it anymore, they begin to tell me.  I tire of saying it, they tire of hearing it.

No one enjoys nagging.  Nagging is a form of unmet expectations.  We set an expectation for someone.  They don’t do it.  Until it’s done, we nag.  Or is there a better way?

Recently, I’ve stopped nagging on the tennis court.  Instead, I’ve learned new drills.  Not only do they learn to move their feet, but they have fun while doing it.  Without realizing it, they’ve done what I wanted them to do all along.  The kids respond better to fun games, than repeated nagging.  

“The Karate Kid” is a 1984 movie about martial arts.  Mr. Miyagi is the wise teacher to his young protege.  Before he allows his student to set foot on the mat, he has him do a series of chores. The tasks help develop the muscle memory the student needs to successfully compete in martial arts.  In other words, Miyagied: he learned the skills necessary without realizing he was learning.

Instead of nagging, Miyagi.

Find another way.  Every student I have requires a different approach.  The first thing I have to do is learn how to communicate with them.  What motivates them?  What doesn’t?  Some kids need verbal praise.  Some kids need to understand the mechanics of the stroke.  Some kids need visual cues.  Once I understand how to communicate with them in a way they will receive, they begin to learn.  Instead of nagging, I’m teaching.

Learning opportunities happen everyday.  If we learn to capitalize on them, we’ll nag less.  Reduced nagging equals more peace. Nag less, teach more.

Question of the Day:

Who do you need to find another way to communicate with today?

Further Reading: Esther 1-3 NIV, 1 Corinthians 11:17-34 NIV, Psalm 35:17-28 NIV, Proverbs 21:19-20 NIV

“Contend, Lord, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me.” (Psalm 35:1 NIV)

God knows who your true enemies are.

You may think you know, but you don’t know.  We get our enemies so wrong.  We fight the wrong battles.  We put energy into a battle that doesn’t exist, because we think we know what people are thinking.  We think we understand their hearts intent, but we don’t.  We create enemies that don’t exist.

Meanwhile, God knows who the real enemies are.  He’s fighting the battle we ignore because we’re focused on the wrong thing.  God contends for us in the battle.

God contends for us in the battle.

When I’m on a zoom chat and I see the deadpan faces of others, I try not to assign emotion based on their look. Zoom has taught me what I look like when I’m listening, it isn’t what I thought.  Where I thought I had a pleasant look on my face, I now know, it’s just plain.  No look whatsoever.  Now I understand why strangers have come up to me and said, “Smile, life isn’t that bad.”  The lack of emotion on my face makes me look sad.  People could make lots of wrong assumptions because of how I look.

We assume we know.  We read into words or actions meanings that are incorrect.  We form the wrong conclusions in our minds about who is our enemy and who isn’t.  God knows who is truly fighting against us, often our biggest enemy is ourselves.  We think we know, so we assume.  God knows the truth.

God knows the things we say to ourselves that aren’t true.  He knows the lies we believe.  He knows the actions we take that hurt ourselves more than anyone else.  Lord knows, I’m my own worst enemy.  Only through Him have I learned to not trust myself when I make a snap decision.  God reveals the truth in time, but I have to wait.

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,  bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (Luke 6:27-28 NIV)

God contends with our enemies by how we treat them.  We are to love and pray for them.  Which is why we should love and pray for ourselves.  If we are our own worst enemy, then only God can protect us from ourselves.  A common prayer I pray: “Lord protect me from myself.”

As I look back over my life, I’ve been my own worst enemy.  The mistakes I’ve made are a result of the decisions I made.  No one else is to blame.  But God protected me.  He taught me.  He carried me.  He contended with me when no one else did.

God contends for us, especially when we’re the enemy.

Question of the Day:

Have you ever considered your worst enemy is yourself?

Further Reading: Nehemiah 12:27-13:31 NIV, 1 Corinthians 11:1-16 NIV, Psalm 35:1-16 NIV, Proverbs 21:17-18 NIV

“Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry.” (1 Cor. 10:14 NIV) 

Idols rule you.

The definition of idol is an image or other material object representing a deity to which religious worship is addressed.  The biblical definition is an image of a deity other than God, the deity itself.  Things we idolize in America: jobs, cars, relationships, sports, religion.  The list is truly endless. Pets, homes, vacations, alcohol…anything you worship is an idol.

From a Christ follower’s perspective, anything that gets in the way of your relationship with God is an idol.  My tennis racquet was a recent idol God asked me to give up.  As a tennis player, I had 2 racquets, one a backup in case I broke a string.  Racquets are very personal.  Everyone likes something different.  When I find ones I like, I stick with them for as long as I can.  The two I have now are my all time favorites for various reasons.  Teaching a tennis camp a couple weeks ago, I had a prompting to give one to a student who didn’t have a racquet.  My instant response was “No way, not my racquets.” I realized in that moment, my racquets were idols. I gave the racquet away.

You can rule idols.

Years ago, I did Dave Ramsey’s money management course.  Great course, taught me how to handle finances Biblically.  One of the areas addressed is tithing, giving 10% back to God.  Tithing isn’t about money, tithing is about faith.  Do you have faith God will do more with the 90% in your life than you will do with the 100%?  Money is an idol we all battle.  The love of money is the root of evil:

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” (1 Timothy 6:10 NIV)

Tithing breaks the love of money.  The best way to “offend” money is to give it away.  The lure of money is seductive.  So many different ways money affects people.  We all need it to live.  Money can easily consume our thoughts.  But when you give it away to God, you’re putting money in its place.

Yes, money is important.  Yes, you need money to live.  But without God you wouldn’t have life, nor money.  God first, money second.

Demolish idols by putting them in their place:

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7 NIV)

God helps you put idols in their place when you give them to Him.  Maybe the answer is giving it away, maybe not.  But when you submit it to Him, you gain control.  The idol is no longer an idol. 

Question of the Day:

What idol do you need to talk to God about today?

Further Reading: Nehemiah 11:1-12:26 NIV, 1 Corinthians 10:14-33 NIV, Psalm 34:11-22 NIV, Proverbs 21:14-16 NIV

“Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.” (1 Corinthians 9:19 NIV)

Everyone is free.  Everyone is a slave to someone. Following Christ means you’re a slave to everyone.  But what does that mean, slave to Jesus?  

Doulos is the Greek word for slave or bondservant used throughout the Bible.  A more detailed definition is: one who gives himself up to another’s will those whose service is used by Christ in extending and advancing his cause among men; devoted to another to the disregard of one’s own interests. 

Slave to Christ, Slave to all.

As you get to know Jesus, you will fall madly in love with Him.  You can’t help yourself.  His love for others makes you love Him.  When you read the story of the adultress caught in the act, put yourself in her position.  John tells us the story in chapter 8.  Caught in bed with a man, she’s dragged naked through the streets to where Jesus is teaching in front of a large crowd.  The law punishes this offense with stoning.   People throw rocks at you until you are dead.  The accusers want to see what Jesus will do in this situation.  In one of my favorite moments in His ministry on earth, Jesus bends to the ground and begins writing in the dust.  Slowly, one by one the people leave.  Eventually it is just Jesus and the woman, whom He forgives and lets go.

Put yourself in her place.  You are in bed with someone.  Men drag you out of bed, through the house, into the street.  Their destination, the local church where Jesus is.  Their intent, to have you stoned to death.  You have to stand in front of a huge crowd in all your glory as the men hash this out.  Then you watch as Jesus bends to His knees and begins writing. You don’t know for sure what Jesus wrote, but you watch as one by one, people begin to leave.  When everyone has left, Jesus rises to His feet, looks with love into your eyes and says:

“Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” (John 8:10-11 NIV)

How can you not love Jesus after that experience?

When you understand the depth of Jesus’s love for you, you want others to know it as well.  Becoming a doulos to Christ is your ultimate desire because of the love He has for you.  Loving like Jesus is the best way to tell others of His love for them.  To love like Jesus, become a slave to everyone.

Question of the Day:

Who are you doulos too?

Further Reading: Nehemiah 9:22-10:39 NIV, 1 Corinthians 9:19-10:13 NIV, Psalm 34:1-10 NIV, Proverbs 21:13 NIV

“He read it aloud from daybreak till noon…in the presence of…men, women and others who could understand…all the people listened attentively to the Book of the Law.” (Nehemiah 8:3 NIV)

Understanding creates interest.

Today’s verse resumes the story of Nehemiah, our topic recently.  After the completion of the Jerusalem wall, the town gathered together.  From early morning until noon, Ezra read the Old Testament to the crowd.  The people are hungry for God’s word after the miracle they witnessed.  The restoration of the wall was miraculous to them.  They had a new understanding of God they didn’t have before.  Listening to the Priest read His words had new meaning to them.  Understanding created an interest in God, possibly for the first time.

The Israelites experienced God.  The experience gave them understanding.  Understanding created a new interest in God.  

Experience generates understanding.

When we found out my Mom had pancreatic cancer, I experienced God in a new way.  My mother didn’t tell anyone she was sick.  When she ended up in the hospital in need of emergency surgery, we knew.  The operation revealed cancer.  The surgeon didn’t know if the cancer was colon or pancreatic.  He said to pray for colon because it was not recurring.  Pancreatic cancer almost always returns within five years.  I prayed for colon cancer, it was pancreatic. My ultimate prayer, let her live.  The news crushed my heart.  But then God worked a miracle.

Ten years prior my mother had another emergency surgery.  This operation removed an obstruction in her colon caused by an aspirin.  They removed a section of her colon.  The scar tissue from that surgery saved her life.  Mom’s pancreatic cancer grew towards the scar tissue.  The cancer grew into my Mom’s colon instead of up through the middle of her body.   The percentage of cases where surgery is a treatment option for pancreatic cancer is low.  My mother was one of the few.  The true miracle, the surgeon removed all of the cancer.  God gave us five more years with her.  Time to tie up loose ends.  Time to come to grips with her death.  Time to prepare for life without her.  Time to say goodbye.  

God answered my prayer ten years before I prayed it.  He knew I would one day ask Him for more time with my mom. Part of my struggle the first time she had surgery was, “Why?”  Now I knew the answer.  God was prolonging her life.

My experience with God deepened my understanding of God. My new understanding of God made me want to know Him more.  My hunger for His word grew.

Experiencing God deepens our understanding of Him.  Understanding creates a new interest only deeper relationship with Him satisfies.  

Experience, Understand, Grow. Repeat.

Question of the Day:

How are you experiencing God today?

Further Reading: Nehemiah 7:73-9:21 NIV, 1 Corinthians 9:1-18 NIV, Psalm 33:12-22 NIV,  Proverbs 21:11-12 NIV

“So I sent messengers to them with this reply: “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?” (Nehemiah 6:3 NIV)

Know your task, know your focus.

Nehemiah is rebuilding the Jerusalem wall.  People are scheming to get him off track.   Four times they tried to get him to stop work.  His reply was the same each time: no.  Basically, he said, “Give me one good reason why I should?”  They couldn’t.  Nehemiah had his priorities straight.  He knew Who had given him the job.  He knew what the job was.  He didn’t let anyone or thing keep him from his assigned task.

“Keep your head in the game,” means not getting distracted.  In the game of life, distractions are plenty.  As a Christ follower, God has given us clear instructions of what our job is.  We are to love God, love others (Mark 12:30-31 NIV).  We are to make disciples everywhere we go (Matthew 28:19 NIV).   Nehemiah’s God given job was building a wall, ours is helping others know Jesus through acts of love.  God given task requires God given focus.

God given tasks requires God given focus.

Nehemiah’s focus was God given.  He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, he was doing the Lord’s work.  Nothing is more important than the Lord’s work. How did Nehemiah know?

First, he prayed.  When he found out about the situation in Jerusalem, he prayed to God for guidance.  He was cupbearer to the king.  He couldn’t just leave his job.  He was stuck where he was unless God moved.  

Second, God answered.  A couple of days later he’s bringing wine to the king, who notices Nehemiah’s sad face.  The king wants to know why he’s sad, Nehemiah tells him the truth.  The king asks what would make Nehemiah happy.  Before answering, Nehemiah prays again.  Then he tells the king he wants to leave his job and rebuild the wall.  The king lets him.

Nehemiah knew he was doing God’s task.   God opened the doors for him to go.  In no way could Nehemiah have caused what happened to happen.  He had no control over the king, the king controlled him.  However, God controls the king.  Whether the king believed in God or not, God still used him to answer Nehemiah’s prayer.  Without a doubt, Nehemiah knew what he had to do, nothing was taking his head out of the game.

God works the same way in our lives.  We have a dilemma that is out of our control.  We pray.  God opens doors we can’t.  He directs our paths in ways we cannot predict, but cannot deny. Once we know the task, God gives us the focus.  Know your task, know your focus.

Question of the Day:

Do you know what your God given task is for today?

Further Reading:  Nehemiah 5:14-7:73 NIV, 1 Corinthians 8:1-13 NIV, Psalm 33:1-11 NIV, Proverbs 21:8-10 NIV

“Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit.” (Psalm 32:2 NIV)

God’s blessing is forgiving your sin.

God’s grace is available for all who believe in Him.  When you humble yourself and admit, “I’m a sinner,” to God, He forgives you.  Not only does He forgive you, He can no longer see your sin:

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12 NIV)

God forgives our sin, He removes it from us.  What does that mean about future sin?  Truth is, we never stop sinning.  We’re human, perfection is not part of the definition.  We all have struggles which we battle daily.  We know the right thing to do, we do the wrong thing.  

Nothing separates us from God’s love.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39 NIV)

Future sin won’t separate us from God.  However, that fact doesn’t mean we have free reign to do whatever we want.  Sin has consequences.

A memorable moment in my childhood involved my little brother tattling on us.  Three siblings in the house, we decided to try smoking.  We found cigarette butts from my Dad and smoked them.  My little brother, also smoking, told my Mom.  Her punishment, she gave us what we wanted.  She had us smoke a cigarette.  Needless to say, we couldn’t.  My oldest brother inhaled, turned green and was immediately sick.  My little brother and I didn’t even try.  None smoked again after that.

We experienced grace from my Mom.  In order to teach us, she gave us what we wanted. When we got what we wanted, we didn’t want it anymore.  My Mom didn’t stop loving us or end her relationship with us because we sinned.  When my younger brother confessed, she forgave him.  God forgives us when we repent, but He also wants us to learn and grow from our mistakes, just like my Mom did.

God’s grace is His greatest gift to us.  His love covers all sin.  When we accept His grace, our relationship with Him begins.  As we pursue a relationship with Him, He will teach us as a loving parent.  He knows we battle the flesh daily.  Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose.  Either way, God still loves us. 

Sin is a lifelong battle.  Seeking God’s grace isn’t a one time journey.  Each time we falter, we seek His grace.  God’s grace renews us for the next battle.

Question of the Day:

What area do you need God’s grace in today?

Further Reading: Nehemiah 3:15-5:13 NIV, 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 NIV, Psalm 32 NIV, Proverbs 21:5-7 NIV

“When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven.”(Nehemiah 1:4 NIV) 

Grieve the circumstances, fast and pray to God.

Nehemiah worked for King Artaxerxes as his cupbearer.  He served the king his wine.  His crisis is the remnants of Israel and their predicament:

“Those who survived the exile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates have been burned with fire.” (Nehemiah 1:3 NIV)

His immediate response: grieving for his people, while fasting and praying to God.  Four verses in, we see the type of man Nehemiah was: a man of prayer.  Because He started with God, He gave Nehemiah direction.  The king gave him his blessing to go to Jerusalem and finish the wall. They worked with weapons in one hand, tools in the other.  Nehemiah’s journey was not easy, nor short, but it was victorious. 

Fasting and Prayer paves the way to victory.

Crises in life are a given.   We all have them, we all endure them.  We have a choice of how we travel through them: with God or without Him. Fasting and prayer invites God into the situation.  God’s involvement causes  miracles to happen.

My mother, in the last years of her life, battled pancreatic cancer.  At one point, early in the fight, I was at odds with my family about her care.  We weren’t speaking to each other, it wasn’t a good time for us. For ten days I fasted and prayed to God.  On the seventh day, I felt victory in my spirit.  I didn’t know what God had done, but I knew He had done something.  The thought that ran through my head, “I don’t have to fast and pray anymore.”  But then, just as quickly, I heard, “Do you want a partial victory or a full victory?”  Without a doubt, I had to finish what I had started.  I wanted the full victory.

Just like Nehemiah, the changes weren’t evident immediately.  God didn’t change my family with my fasting and prayer, He changed me.  God gave me opportunities to reconcile with my family.  He gave me direction, just like He did Nehemiah.  In time, we found peace, our relationships restored with each other as God worked in our lives.

Fasting is abstaining from food or anything that hinders your relationship with God. The purpose is to deepen your relationship with God.  When you’re hungry for what you’ve given up, it’s a reminder to pray and seek God.  Fasting is a powerful tool that invites God into your crisis.  When you do, He’ll give you direction in the midst of despair.

Fast and pray, God will answer.

Question of the Day:

Have you tried fasting and prayer as an answer to your crisis?

Further Reading: Nehemiah 1:1-3:14 NIV, 1 Corinthians 7:1-24 NIV, Psalm 31:19-24 NIV, Proverbs 21:4 NIV

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.” (1 Cor. 6:12 NIV)

Whoever God has given you to do life with daily are the relationships that take the most work.  Words matter in relationships.  Not everything needs said, not everything needs done.

For me, the relationship that takes the most work is with my husband.  He is the one I live with daily.  Today is our 8th wedding anniversary.  I have grown more as a person since I married my husband than any other time.  Marriage has taught me life isn’t all about me.

Early in our marriage, we were getting ready for bed.  My husband was still in the bathroom, I was in bed writing in my journal.  As he pulls back the covers to crawl in bed, he jostles me.  Yes, the brat I am, said: “Can’t you see I’m writing?  You jostled the bed. Be more careful”  At that point, my husband broke my selfish bubble.  He looked at me and said these words:

“This is not the Beth show.  If I do everything you want it’s the Beth show.  That show ended.  It’s now the Ron and Beth show, we’re in this together.  I can’t get in bed without “jostling” it.”

Happy Anniversary Honey!  I love you more today than ever.

My husband uses words well.  He knows when to say something, when not too.  He also knows moderation.  He teaches me every day. Relationships require moderation.  In any relationship, we have the right to do or say anything, but that doesn’t mean we should.

When my husband reminded me the world didn’t revolve around me, he did it with the right words, at the right time.  We are responsible for the words we say, the things we do:

But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.” (Matthew 12:36 NIV)

We are all accountable to God.  In His grace and mercy, we learn moderation.  

Ron was right, the Beth show had ended.  Life wasn’t about me, it was about us.  The life God gave us when He brought us together.  God is the managing partner in our marriage. In Him we trust all things.  Every day He gives us is a blessing.  As we learn to trust Him more, moderation becomes a way of life for us.

Not everything needs said today.  Not everything needs done today.  Some things never need said or done.  Each day with God, we learn moderation.  As we follow His leading, we’ll know when to speak or do, when not too.

Live fully in moderation.

Question of the Day:

Are you living life in moderation?

Further Reading: Ezra 10 NIV,  1 Corinthians 6:1-20 NIV, Psalm 31:9-18 NIV, Proverbs 21:3 NIV

“Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough?” (1 Cor. 5:6 NIV)

You can inflate a situation with boasting, just as yeast raises bread.

“Yeast is a living microscopic single-cell organism that, as it grows, converts its food (through a process known as fermentation) into alcohol and carbon dioxide. This trait is what endears yeast to winemakers, brewmasters and bread bakers. … Baker’s yeast, as the name implies, is used as a leavener.”  Food Network

Yeast is small, round balls.  Baking bread requires very little yeast, yet it infects all of the dough.  As time goes by, the dough begins to rise.  My mother made yeast rolls.  The vision of the stainless steel bowl, covered with a dish towel meant warm rolls were in my future.  The yeast needs time to work itself through the dough, it doesn’t happen immediately.  The same thing happens when we boast about ourselves.

Boasting inflates the situation.

Boasting is “talk with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about one’s achievements, possessions, or abilities.”   We boast about everything: family and friends, sports, money, pets.  You name it, people boast about it.   Nothing is more irritating than listening to someone boast about someone or something that’s not worthy of praise. 

Boasting creates disunity.  When someone brags about something, it creates distance in the relationship.  Just like yeast causes bread to inflate, boasting inflates the space in the relationships.  Instead of drawing closer together, we do the opposite.  No one wants to listen to someone tell you how great they are, it only makes them focus on their faults.

“Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth–a stranger, not your own lips.” (Proverbs 27:2 NIV)

My mother always said, “If your kids are worth bragging about, someone else will do it.” If we’re worthy of praise, someone else will praise us.  My mother was strict.  She had high expectations of her children.  She set the bar and then helped us achieve it.  But she was not quick to brag about us.  She knew, pride goes before a fall (Prov. 16:18 NIV).

Boasting is verbal pride.   

Pride: Inordinate self-esteem; an unreasonable conceit of one’s own superiority in talents, beauty, wealth, accomplishments, rank or elevation in office, which manifests itself in lofty airs, distance, reserve, and often in contempt of others.

No one likes a braggart.  When we boast, we’re the braggart.  We are overestimating our abilities.  We’re saying we’re better than others, which goes against Jesus words:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.’ (Phil. 2:3 NIV)

Boasting indicates we’ve taken our eyes off of Jesus.  He didn’t boast about anything but God.  When we keep the Son in our eyes, we keep pride out of our speech.

Question of the Day:

Have you boasted lately?

Further Reading: Ezra 8:21-9:15 NIV, 1 Corinthians 5:1-13 NIV, Psalm 31:1-8 NIV, Proverbs 21:1-2 NIV