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“And don’t complain as some of them did, and were killed by the destroyer.”  1 Corinthians 10:10 CSB

Complaining is a destroyer, both of relationships and health.  A study done by Stanford in 2016 showed complaining actually shrinks your hippocampus.  The hippocampus is the part of the brain that helps us problem solve. In a world full of problems, the last thing you want to do is shrink the part of the brain that solves problems, yet that is exactly what complaining does.  Complaining also releases Cortisol, which is the stress hormone. Too much stress can wear you down both mentally and physically. The Stanford study also found frequent complaining can lead to heart disease and diabetes. Not only does complaining affect us physically, but it also affects our relationships.  Who likes being around a complainer? I know I don’t. People that complain constantly exude negative energy, nothing about complaining is uplifting and encouraging. Instead of building people up, complaining tears people down and it destroys relationships. People won’t want to be around you if you’re constantly complaining.  How can we stop complaining? Will Bowen came up with a way.

In 2006 Will Bowen was the pastor of a small midwestern church.  He was doing a sermon series on prosperity. All of his congregation wanted to be more prosperous, yet they were constantly complaining about what they already had.  Why would you want more stuff to complain about? Will issued a challenge to his congregation. He challenged them to not complain for 21 days. He bought purple bracelets and handed them out to everyone.  The challenge was simple, put the bracelet on either wrist on day one. If you complain, no matter what day you’re on, you have to move it to the other wrist and start all over again at day one. He found it takes the average person 4-8 months to actually go 21 days without complaining.  Since 2006 Will’s movement has given out over 11 million bracelets, he’s written 3 books and has become a leading scholar on complaining. You can learn more about Will’s “Complaint Free World” movement here.  

My challenge is much easier than Will’s, just do one day.  Just for today, don’t complain about anything. If you want a reminder, put a rubber band on your wrist, every time you complain, snap it.  Or try to go 21 days without complaining as Will suggests, you can use a rubber band just as easily as a purple bracelet to remind you of your goal.  Whatever you choose, become more aware of the words you use. Ask yourself, are my words building up or tearing down? If they’re tearing down, re-frame them into a positive statement.  Instead of complaining that it’s raining, yet again, thank God for watering the flowers. If your husband has once again left the sink full of dirty dishes, instead of complaining, thank God you have a husband who provides for you.  Whatever the complaint is, look for the positive side of it, there is always one if we look hard enough to find it. But first we have to stop complaining.

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10 NIV

Sometimes, the most spiritual thing you can do for someone is wash their car.  I recently started listening to the book, “The Remarkable Ordinary: How to Stop, Look and Listen to Life” by Frederick Buechner.  The premise of the book is to listen to your life to find your gifts. In other words, what do you like to do that makes you glad? What do you enjoy doing?  I love to write. I love to write these devotionals, I love to write the papers I have to do for my classes. When I’m writing, I feel God’s pleasure, I feel glad.  For others it may be baking, or singing, or washing people’s cars. We have to listen to our lives to understand how God created us uniquely, each of us with different gifts.  But how do we listen to our lives.

Buechner uses this example to help us understand what he means.  Let’s say you live an hour away from a large city. You drive there often, passing through a smaller town on the way to the city.  You have driven this drive so many times, you don’t even think about it while you’re actually driving. When you drive through the smaller town, you don’t even notice it.  You don’t notice the people walking along the streets, you don’t notice the sales signs in the store or the flowers hanging from the lamp posts. You are on autopilot, just trying to reach your final destination.  By the time you reach the city, you don’t even remember the journey. Buechner says we have to start paying attention to the journey. We have to live in the moment, looking at what is around us instead of being so focused on the destination, we miss out on what is going on right in front of us.  Beuchner would argue, the journey is the destination. When you pay attention to the journey, you begin to understand the things that make you happy, which in turn, helps you understand your gift. 

When you start paying attention to the journey, living in the moment, you notice the people on the street, you notice the sales signs in the window and the flowers on the lampost.  When you notice the people on the street, you see the elderly lady struggling with her groceries. When you pull over to help her get them in her car, you begin to understand you like helping people, it makes you happy.  Because you’ve helped this lady, a desire to help other elderly people is born and you begin to visit nursing homes. You begin to find pleasure sitting and playing a game of checkers with someone who has a lifetime of stories to share with you.  All of a sudden, you have discovered a gift you never realized you had because you paid attention to the journey instead of the destination. God only knows what gifts you will discover you have when you start paying attention to the journey. You may find washing cars gives you pleasure, or maybe it’s babysitting for a friend.  You’ll never know until you take your eyes off of the destination and put them on the journey.

“This is how we have come to know love.  He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” 1 John 4:16 CSB

I recently watched the movie Book Club about four women who have been meeting monthly for 40 years to have a glass of wine and discuss the current book.  Sharon, played by Candice Burgan is a Federal judge who has not had love in her life for 18 years. Her character explores the world of dating after such a long hiatus.  In one scene she is attending the double engagement party of her ex-husband to a woman half his age, and their son to the love of his life. She inadvertently gives a speech to congratulate the happy couples, and in it she says, what I thought was a poignant definition of the word love.  She says, “Love is just a word until someone gives it meaning.” How right she is.

Over the years, I’ve heard many pastors describe love as a verb; it requires action.  But I had never thought of it as just a word until someone gives it meaning. God gave love meaning when He sent Jesus to create a way for us.  Jesus gave love meaning in everything He did here on earth. From turning water into wine (John 7-11 NIV), to healing the blind man (John 9:6) to saving the woman caught in adultery (John 8-11), He did it all in love.  We give love meaning when we imitate Christ. Mom’s are so good at giving love meaning, they do it so effortlessly. From making their kids breakfast, to washing their clothes and cleaning their rooms, they give love meaning to their children.  Husbands give love meaning when they propose to their wives, hold them when they’re sad or celebrate with them when they’re glad. Friends give love meaning when they sit together over coffee, spend hours on the phone talking or just sit quietly together watching the sunset.  Until someone gives love meaning, it’s just a word.

Leaving money on a vending machine gives love meaning to a stranger, whether they realize it or not.  Praying for someone with a broken heart gives love meaning. Volunteering at a homeless shelter, taking meals to the home bound, sending a card to a sick friend are all ways we give love meaning.  When giving the word love meaning by doing something for another becomes a way of life for us, the world becomes a better place. In the midst of darkness, there will be light. Just as there was light when God created the world, His love for us continues to light our paths.  When we give love meaning, we’re sharing His light with others. Let’s give love meaning today, whether it’s our family, our friends or a stranger on the street, let’s light their path. Is there anything greater we could do with our lives than give meaning to the word love? God gave meaning to my life when He first loved me, He did the same for you.  The least we could do in return is give meaning to love for someone else.

“But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again.  In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up in him for eternal life.”  John 4:14 CSB

This verse comes from a beautiful story found in the book of John.  Jesus is on His way to Galilee when He stops by a well for a drink of water.  He meets a woman from Samaria that had come to draw water and asks her for a drink.  This happens around noon, which is significant, women don’t come in the middle of the day because of the heat. They would come in the morning or evening when it was cooler to draw water.  This woman, came in the middle of the day to avoid the other women because of her scandalous past. Jesus knew all about her past, and loves her anyway. In fact, scholars would argue He went out of His way to meet this woman at the well and offer her the living water He had.  Just as Jesus offered the living water to this Samaritan woman, He offers the same to us. As Jesus has offered Himself to us, we should share what we have been given with others.

Flowing water is necessary for us to sustain life here on earth.  Streams and rivers all over the world connect and flow together into larger bodies of water.  The faster water flows the better it is. Fast flowing water doesn’t allow impurities to build up in it and is easier to convert into drinking water.  In the same way streams and rivers connect and flow together, we do the same as Christ followers. When we all are following Jesus, living out our individual purpose,  whatever it may be, we become unified into one body. We are a spring of living water as we let the love Christ has for us overflow to others around us. We are sharing with them the living water of Christ that will never run dry. The more we pursue life in Christ, the faster our springs will flow, the less impurities we will have as He refines us, the more water we will have to offer to others.

Offering a drink to someone on a hot day could be the start of a new adventure for them, just as it was the woman in Samaria.  The love Jesus extended her helped her find purpose. Immediately she goes into the town, not avoiding people, but instead sharing the good news she had just learned.  As soon as Jesus offered her the living water, she went to offer it to others. We can learn a lesson from her today, let’s share the living water Jesus has given us with those around us.  Let’s give someone a drink on this hot day. Trust that whatever your past is, Jesus has forgiven you. Trust that sharing His love with others is more important than anything else we do. Trust that after just one drink from the living waters, their lives will be transformed forever.

“For there will never cease to be poor people in the land; that is why I am commanding you, open your hand willingly to your poor and needy brother in your land.” Deuteronomy 15:11 CSB

Blake Mycoskie took a trip to Argentina in 2006 that changed his life forever.  He learned, while traveling through the country the importance of shoes for children.  He saw the hardships of life without shoes. There are 7 billion people on the planet, and 1 billion of them do not have shoes.  In some countries, this means children can’t attend school, the risk of spreading or catching a disease from their foot sores prohibits them attending.  When Blake saw this first hand, he decided to do something about it. He developed TOMS shoes, a company that donates one pair of shoes to a child in need for every pair that is purchased.  At this point in time they have donated over 60 million pairs of shoes to children in 70 countries. From one simple idea, they now provide eye care and glasses, clean water and training for birth attendants with birthing kits.  All because one man saw a need and decided to do something about it.

Jesus tells us, the poor will always be with us (John 12:8 NIV).  Because there will always be poor among us, we will always have the opportunity to be generous, to help them with their needs.  When Jesus says this, He’s referring to the verse above. We are to open our hands and give what we have, which doesn’t necessarily mean money.  We also don’t have to start a company to help those in need, although feel free too if God leads you in that direction. We can just as easily clean out our closets and donate to a worthy cause.  My favorite place to donate is the women’s shelters in our area for women getting out of abusive relationships. There are so many organizations that cherish your support. I love to crochet hats and scarves for one of the homeless organizations nearby.  Every fall, I donate jackets and blankets, the thought of people freezing in our country makes my heart ache. Another way to donate is to local food banks that provide meals. My tennis partner volunteers for a church that provides meals and clothing for those in need.  She is always asking for shoes, that is the primary need they have, especially men’s shoes. 

While researching for this devotional I came across Blue Jeans Go Green.  They recycle your old denim and turn it into insulation for houses.  They have diverted over 1,230 tons of denim from landfills, collected 2,500,000 plus pieces of denim and made  over 4,830,000 square feet of insulation from them. One more way to donate old clothing for a good cause.  Whatever you decide to do, give with a generous heart, knowing you are helping someone else have a better life.  They may be an old pair of shoes to you, but to someone else, they are a gift from heaven for their feet.

“If you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will come to Jewish people from another place, but you and your father’s family will be destroyed.  Who knows, perhaps you have come to your royal position for such a time as this.” Esther 4:14 CSB

The verse above is probably the most well known from the book of Esther.  Through a soap opera story line of events, Esther has been tasked with saving the Jewish people. Her Uncle Mordecai is the one imploring her to intervene for them.  In order for Esther to save her people, she needs to go before the King, her husband. The problem is, he hasn’t sent for her in awhile. If he didn’t send for you, and you went before him, even if you’re his wife, he may just kill you.  You can understand why Esther was hesitant to bug her husband. But then good ole Uncle Mordecai sends the verse above to her in a message. How can you argue with his logic? Esther can’t, but she does ask all of the Jews in the land to fast for her mission for three days.  She and her female servants fast as well. After that, she will go to the king. When she does go to the king, God is with her and the king doesn’t kill her, instead he asks her what she wants. Her request was simple, would he come to dinner with Haman? Haman is the one who is trying to get rid of the Jewish people.  Long story short, Esther saves her people, Haman gets what he deserves and life goes on for the Jewish nation. All because she invited them to dinner.

Esther was a wise woman.  She knew how to handle a difficult situation.  She started out by praying and fasting before she did anything else.  I think, although Scripture doesn’t specifically say this, that is where she decided to start with dinner.  I have heard it all my life, the best way to a guys heart is through his stomach. Obviously, Esther was aware of this old adage, or perhaps this is where it started, but either way, she used it to her advantage.  She also knew not to lead with the problem. She realized she had to make sure her husband was in the right mood to hear what she had to say. Timing is everything when we’re communicating, we can learn from Esther’s wisdom.  Wait until the timing is right. If you’re husband has just come in from a long day at work, wait until after dinner to tell him the bad news of the day. Give him time to catch his breath, have a good meal and relax. He won’t feel so bombarded and he’ll be more amicable to discuss whatever it is.  And this doesn’t just apply to husbands and wives, the same is true for any relationship. Ask God to show you the right time and the right way to have a difficult conversation with the person, don’t rush in without His guidance.

Today is the perfect day to start praying and fasting for a difficult conversation you need to have with someone.  Then, do as Esther did, invite them to dinner and enjoy a meal together. See where the Lord takes you.

“But as for you, brothers and sisters, do not grow weary in doing good.” 2 Thessalonians 3:13 CSB

My dear pastor friend, Mike Cooke, taught me this parable about journeying through life with others:

Two people are driving down the road together on a journey. They are tracking with each other, both moving at the same speed, both growing together.  But then the car gets a flat tire and they have to stop. They pull over to the side of the road and fix the flat tire. Once the tire is fixed, the driver is ready to get back in the car and start back on the journey.  His buddy on the other hand, has decided he likes it here by the side of the road. He doesn’t want to get back in the car, he wants to stay right where he is. Now the driver has a decision to make, he can either stay here on the side of the road with his friend, or he can keep on going by himself.  There have been many times in my life when I’ve gotten in the car and kept going. There are other times in my life when I’m the person who wants to stay right where I am, content to sit on the side of the road.

Here is Mike’s point, our journey with God is one that we have to choose to engage in every day.  When we get up in the morning and decide to follow Him, our lives will change. He will use us, He will grow us.  But if we get up in the morning and decide we are content right where we are, He’ll let us sit there. He won’t be able to use us, we won’t be able to grow.  Every time we choose to sit on the sidelines we miss out on the adventure God has waiting for us. Our journey with Christ, persevering through the struggles of this life, is how God molds us into who He created us to be.  Through our journey, we become a new person, no two journeys are alike, just as no two people are alike.

Jesus is a gentleman.  He knocks on the door of our hearts, He doesn’t force His way into them (Rev. 3:20 CSB).  He will help us fix our flat tires though, our broken hearts that make us not want to get back on the journey again (Psalm 147:3 CSB).  And most of all, He’ll transform us into who He created us to be with tender love and grace (2 Corinthians 5:17 CSB). Today, when you help someone fix a flat tire, understand it may not be literal.  Instead, the flat tire you might help someone fix is a broken heart. An act of loving kindness to someone whose heart is hurting helps to heal the hurt, it helps them get back on the road. The tools to fix it, God has already given you.  You can listen to their heartache, you can offer them a warm hug, you can help them get back on the road again by taking the first step with them. Life is a journey we only get to do once here on earth, let’s make the most of it.

“Give, and it will be given to you; a good measure-pressed down, shaken together, and running over-it will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38 CSB

Years ago, I was listening to a message by Mark Batterson while I was traveling.  He was talking about giving. He shared that one of his favorite things to do is tip someone who doesn’t expect it.  A janitor, a sales clerk, someone who works in the service industry who doesn’t usually receive tips. His message inspired me that day.  I was traveling on I-95 when I was listening to it, when I stopped for a potty break, there was a cleaning woman in the restroom. I had a $10 bill in my pocket, and I tipped her with it as I was leaving.  The look of shock on her face was priceless. Believe it or not, it was incredibly hard for me to do. I felt awkward, I wasn’t sure HOW to do it. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, and yet I had just listened to this message about doing this very thing and felt it was a divine appointment.  I gathered my 20 seconds of courage, handed her the bill, thanked her for her service and was on my way.

Getting out of our comfort zone isn’t easy.  If it was, we would live in the world outside of our comfort.  There’s no stress when we’re in our comfort zone, we know what to expect, we don’t need to do much, it’s easy.  Outside of our comfort zone is the unknown, even when doing good deeds. I didn’t know what the cleaning woman was going to do when I handed her the money.  I had never done anything like that before, yet I was trying to be obedient. Often when God calls us to do something, it’s outside of our comfort zone. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t grow, we wouldn’t be taking steps of faith.  I have no idea how me tipping that lady impacted her day, or her life. I probably never will until I get to heaven, but I trust that God knows. I trust that it was in His plan for me to take that step of faith. I trust that He knows exactly why He maneuvered things to happen that way that day.  For all I know, she may not have food to eat and it provided a meal, or maybe she had lost hope and a stranger’s kindness gave some back to her again. God only knows why, I just had to do.

When we challenge ourselves to get out of our comfort zone, no matter what it is, it helps us to be all we can be.  It allows God to grow us in ways we otherwise wouldn’t grow. We can spur on our creativity as we think of ways to move outside of the known into the unknown.  Taking steps of faith, no matter how small, always takes us into the unknown, if they didn’t, it wouldn’t be faith. As you move through your day today, look for ways to get outside of the normal routine.  Find someone to tip who doesn’t normally get tipped, then take 20 seconds of courage and just do it!

“He prayed to the Lord. “Please Lord, isn’t this what I thought while I was still in my own country? That’s why I fled toward Tarshish in the first place.  I knew that You are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger, abounding in faithful love, and one who relents from sending disaster.” Jonah 4:2 CSB

I love Jonah.  His honesty with the Lord is a great example for all of us.  God sent Jonah on a mission to Ninevah to tell them to repent and turn towards Him.  Jonah, not being a fan of the Ninevites, thinking they deserved to be destroyed, rebels against God.  His rebellion gets him a luxury room in the belly of a whale for three days until he gets vomited out on shore.  Jonah learns his lesson, goes to Ninevah and delivers the message God has given him. The Ninevites listen and repent, which saves the city from destruction and makes Jonah mad.  We catch up with Jonah in the verse above when he’s explaining to God why he didn’t want to go in the first place. Jonah knew God would forgive them and not punish them.

I can relate to how Jonah is feeling.  There are and have been people in my life that I would put in the land of the Ninevites.  People that have hurt me, people that I don’t want to pray for, people that I don’t want to share the love of God with today.  Yet that is not what God has commanded me to do. Jesus has told us what the greatest commandment is; love God, love others (Mark 12:30-31).  No one is exempt from the love of God, no matter how I feel. God hasn’t sent me to Ninevah to tell them to repent, but He has told me I’m to love everyone He places before me.  I cannot possibly accomplish my mission without God’s presence in my life. God has also taught me, sometimes the best way to love people is from afar. Not everyone is capable of receiving God’s love from Him or us for one simple reason, they don’t love themselves.  The second half of Jesus’s command is to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31 NIV). If you don’t love yourself, you can’t share love with others.

Jesus never forces himself on us, and we shouldn’t force ourselves on others.  If there is someone in your life today who is having a hard time receiving God’s love, lift them up in prayer.  Ask God to open up the door of their hearts and let Him in to it. Pray specifically and ask God what you can do to show them love that they will be able to receive.  Sometimes the best way to show people love is by giving them space to grow, sometimes it’s taking them to lunch. When we try to force God’s love on people, we just push them away.  Whoever it is God is calling you to show love to today, ask Him what the best way to do it is. You’ll know, without a doubt, what you should do.

“The disloyal one will get what his conduct deserves, and a good one, what his deeds deserve.” Prov. 14:14 CSB

I personally think the best way to celebrate a friend is with a cup of coffee.  To me, there is nothing better than sitting across the table from a friend and chatting.  I had the privilege of having a cup of coffee with our prayer warrior, Joyce. (I actually had iced tea, but same thing.)  Two hours flew by without any effort. Our shared love of God gives us a common bond that opens up the door for rich conversation. I really don’t know how to put into words the connection that happens when God creates the bridge between two hearts.  Joyce’s obedience in her walk with God is awe inspiring. As I sat and listened to her share her life with me, how God has brought her through the trials in her life, I couldn’t help but be inspired. The need for community is a built in desire we all have.  None of us were meant to live alone, we were meant to live together, spurring each other on during the storms of life.

I shared a story with Joyce that has spurred me on for over 30 years.  I was attending a small Methodist church with my Mom years ago. A woman in the congregation named Judy has inspired me for years, yet she has no idea.  I’m ashamed to admit it, but I don’t even know her last name. I was young, and even more self-centered than I am now. Judy’s 19 year old son died in a car accident, I vividly remember it was a Wednesday.  My heart ached for her, and I assumed that would be the last we would see of Judy. I made that assumption because when my Dad died, I turned my back on God. I thought that was what everyone did when things didn’t go their way.  But Judy revealed a truth to me, without even knowing it. That Sunday, when we went to church, Judy was there. As I write this, I can see her sitting in the hard wooden pew, her back straight, her beautiful hair flowing down her back.  Her head was bowed and she wasn’t much for conversation, but she was there. Judy remained a faithful servant to the Lord, even after the tragic loss she had endured.

I was disloyal when I turned my back on God, as a result, I suffered greatly in my personal life.  I had no one to blame but myself. Judy remained faithful, and in her faithfulness she taught a young woman a new way to live.  And this lesson was taught without saying a word. We need friends in life, we need to celebrate those friendships. When God draws two people together, both connected by their faith in Him, the friendship that is born is indescribable in its beauty.  Just as Joyce and I sat and shared our hearts with each other, celebrate a special friendship you have today. Take them out for coffee, buy them lunch, whatever your heart leads you to do. Then sit and enjoy each other’s company, sharing your hearts, knowing the strand that binds you together is God.