Honest Reflections

“The birth of Jesus Christ came about this way.  After His mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, it was discovered before they came together that she was pregnant from the Holy Spirit.”  Matthew 1:18 CSB

We are five days from Christmas Eve.  I wanted to help guide us into the birth of Jesus with some reverence for what is coming in the week ahead.  I’m hoping and praying each of you, over the next five days will take a moment to reflect on the meaning of Christmas, letting the story of Jesus seek deep into your soul.  I pray you will let these moments fill your spirit with His joy, your Heart with His love, and your holiday with His peace. We’ve talked about lots of ways to find rest this month, but none of them compare to the rest we find in Jesus.  Jesus tells us, His yoke is easy and His burden light (Matthew 11:30 NIV).

Today we are going to start with solitude.  When you look up solitude in the Bible, it’s literally defined as a lonely place.  But yet if we are not capable of getting alone with God, we will never know God. Jesus modeled this for us, as Luke told us, “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed”  (Luke 5:16 NIV).  And when we withdraw to a moment of quiet, we can’t make it about us.  

This past summer, working through a relationship issue, I had a friend who reminded me of this.  I was telling her my heart wasn’t changing, I was filled with anger and hatred toward this particular situation.  I told her how I was getting alone with God, but nothing was happening in my heart. Her wise words to me were, “It sounds like you’re spending your prayer time telling God what to do, rather than letting Him tell you what to do.”  (Thank you Laura, I’m grateful for the depth of our friendship that allows us to speak into each other’s lives so honestly.) Don’t make it about you, make it about God. For this first day, for this first moment, just find solitude.

I’m sure I’ve told this story before, but my go to picture of finding peace in a hectic world is Susannah Wesley.  She birthed 19 children in the late 1600’s, two of them John and Charles Wesley, famous men of the cloth.  John Wesley started the Methodist denomination, therefore she has been dubbed the “Mother of Methodists.” She found solitude by flipping her apron over her head, this signaled to her children she was praying and could not be disturbed.  Here’s a great article on prayer tips you can learn from her.  If she found solitude, so can we.  

Today I’m going to rest in solitude.  How can you find rest today?

“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry for help.” Psalm 34:15 CSB

Seven days from Christmas, the hustle in full swing around us, the holiday blues may have set in for some people.  The first year without a loved one or the fifth can make the holidays a sad time for people. Financial pressures, social stress, and family feuds have started to take their toll on us.  The extended days are affecting our health, cold and flu season has arrived just in time to ruin the holidays, or try too. The holiday blues are a real thing we all deal with in some way or another, but they aren’t what God intended for us.  God intended for us to celebrate the birth of His Son, not exhaust ourselves with constant activity. But what are we to do? How can we find rest from the blues?

There is only one way I know of to cure the blues, that’s by basking in the SON.  Just as we sit on the beach and let the sun’s rays warm our skin, we can do the same thing with Jesus.  We can find a quiet spot, wherever that may be, and soak in His rays. I remember once, when I worked for Nautica, I was in the midst of the holiday chaos and all that entails.  Sales were slow, New York was breathing down my neck and I was tired. I was in Northern Virginia at one of the malls I covered there, it was lunch time. People were swarming around me, hands full of bags, buzzing from store to store. I sat at a table in Starbucks, pulled out my phone and started reading the Bible.  I will never forget the rest I found in that moment as all of the activity around me subsided and I focused on God’s word. I was soaking up the Son in Fairfax, VA in 30 degree weather, and I was refreshed.

Think about today’s verse, let it sink down into your soul: God is watching you.   He is listening with open ears to your cry for help. Whatever it is that you need help with this holiday season, He’s listening.  And He’s ready to respond. Jeremiah tells us God will “refresh the weary and satisfy the faint” (Jeremiah 31:25 NIV).  Isaiah reminds us, God is who sustains us (Isaiah 46:4 NIV).  Moses reminds us in Exodus that the Lord is our strength and our song (Exodus 15:2 NIV).  And Matthew reminds us to seek first His kingdom and these things will be given to us as well, including rest from the holiday blues (Matthew 6:33 NIV).  Personally, I’ve been praying for all of you.  I don’t know each of you, but I know God does. I know He loves you, and He wants you to live in His peace, no matter what time of year it is.  

Today I’m finding rest from the holiday blues.  How can you find rest today? Comment below.

“But by the grace of God, I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:10a CSB

As the end of the year draws near, often we start reflecting over the past year, dwelling on unmet goals.  We didn’t lose the weight we wanted too, we didn’t save the money we wanted too. We’re still working the same job we vowed we wouldn’t be by now.  Whatever it is that we didn’t do that we think we should have done, let’s give ourselves grace. Let’s not waste time over what didn’t happen, but instead focus on the good things that did. 

Here are some practical tips to help us overcome the end of the year blues from behavior expert, Patrick Wanis.  First off, accept your feelings, whatever they are.  It’s ok to feel the way you’re feeling, give yourself grace.  Seek support from trusted friends who can help you overcome your doldrums.  Evaluate your goals and make new goals for the coming year. Learn from what worked and what didn’t, implement those lessons into your game plan for next year. Don’t let the inner critic have the last word, you are a child of God, as today’s verse states, we are what we are because God made us this way.  Focus on God’s promises, if you don’t know what they are, here’s a list of 50 of them to remind you.  Don’t meditate on all that went wrong this year, meditate on all that went right.   Enjoy the moment you’re in, it won’t come again. Don’t miss out by being focused on the past, instead embrace the hope of the season, Jesus.  Embrace His love, His strength, His plan into your life. When you do, you can look towards the future with hope instead of judgement.

More than anything, be your own best friend.  Treat yourself as you would a friend. We wouldn’t say things to a friend we say to ourselves.  Stop beating yourself up. Stop judging yourself. John 8:12 tells us,  “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  When we follow Jesus, we walk in the light. Our old lives are left behind as we find new life in Him. Embrace the life Jesus gives you, not the one the world does.  Jesus loves and accepts us just the way we are, whether we got everything done on our to do list or not. Paul, in his letter to the Phillipians gave them advice we can learn from today; “But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”  Let go of the past, press forward into the life Jesus has for you.  

Today I’m going to find rest from judgement.  How can you find rest today? Comment below.

“Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9 CSB

Midway through December, you may be feeling the effects of the season.  The long days may be catching up with you. Lack of sleep and overindulgence in holiday sweets may be making you feel lethargic.  Over consuming alcohol is typical this time of year, morning exercise routines are forsaken for the extra minutes of sleep instead.  Holidays are stressful and exhausting, but they are also one of the easiest times to talk about Jesus. Even the department stores have Christmas carols playing that glorify Jesus.  With only a week to go until His birthday, let’s look at some ways we can get a good night’s sleep and be able to finish well this holiday season, glorifying Jesus and spreading His love.

This article from the Cleveland Clinic gives us some helpful suggestions.  First, try and maintain your normal sleep schedule. As you plan your holiday activities, allow yourself time to sleep.  Schedule to go to bed and get up at the same time every day, even weekends. This will help you establish a normal routine no matter what time of the year it is.   Try not to eat at least 2 hours before going to bed, drink a glass of milk instead, it really will help you sleep better. Avoid alcohol and caffeine, both of these will affect a good night’s sleep. Make your bedroom into a sanctuary, warm blankets and fluffy pillows will invite you into their folds for some cozy, dream filled nights.  Use a white noise app on your phone, lavender pillow spray or a good book to help you relax at bedtime.  Put all thoughts of your to do list out of your mind and allow your body to find rest.  Keep up your exercise routine, whether it’s a walk around the neighborhood or a crossfit class at the gym, don’t stop.  Keep moving. Regular exercise helps us all sleep better at night. And lastly, if all else fails, learn relaxation techniques that will help you sleep.  Some people count sheep, some people focus on deep breathing, others use prayer to help them relax.  Find something that allows you to let go of the days stress so that you can find rest.

When we are able to find rest, we’ll be more alert to the opportunities to share Jesus this holiday season.  We’ll be able to respond in love to our frazzled friends and family, helping them find His peace as well. We’ll be able to shine His light brightly for all the world to see because we are well rested.  We’ll be able to not give up doing good, knowing we will reap at the proper time what we sow.

Today I’m going to find rest from exhaustion.  How can you find rest today? Comment below.

“Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding as well.”  John 2:2 CSB

Even Jesus partied.  In fact, this wedding is where He did His first miracle, turning water into wine (John 2:7-8 CSB).  Parties are a large part of the Christmas season.  Often, we may have 2 or 3 parties in one day. Cookie exchanges, white elephant parties, work parties, school parties, family parties, all kinds of parties occur during the holiday season.  Trying to fit them all in can seem impossible, and probably is. That is why it’s okay to say no. The world won’t come to an end if we don’t attend every party we’re invited too. Friends and family will understand if you can’t attend, as long as we give them plenty of notice and explain why.

Choose wisely which parties you will attend.  The wedding Jesus attended also included His mother and His disciples.  These were the people who were closest to Him throughout His ministry. They were His followers, and this party deepened their belief in Jesus.  “Jesus did this, the first of His signs in Cana of Galilee. He revealed His glory and His disciples believed in Him” (John 2: 11).   Christmas is a time of celebrations, but it’s impossible to attend them all.  Say no to parties that will tax or drain you for whatever reason, say yes to the ones that will build you up and help you enjoy the season.

The most important thing to remember this holiday season is what the foundation is, peace and goodwill.  In the words of Luke,  “And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord” (Luke 2:10-11 NIV).  Don’t let the hustle and bustle of Christmas parties steal your joy.  Don’t let trying to please everyone take away your peace. Let Jesus’s presence in your life reign this season.  Prioritize you time, prioritize the people you spend it with, prioritize your schedule.  

And if you find yourself at a party where you don’t know many people, take the time to get to know them.  Ask questions, find out their stories. Most importantly, let your light shine into their lives as you let Jesus’ love for you overflow to them.  Holidays are tough for everyone, meeting new friends and bringing them some joy can help alleviate their stress and yours. My favorite questions to ask when I meet someone new, “Where are you from?;”  “How did you end up here?” Those inevitably end up being some of my most interesting conversations. They are a starting point for conversation that rarely fails.

Whatever your holiday party schedule is like, don’t let it rule your life. Say no.  Plan your time wisely, just like Jesus.

Today I’m going to find rest from parties by saying no.  How can you find rest today? Comment below.

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, He got up, went out, and made His way to a deserted place, and there He was praying.  Simon and his companions searched for Him, and when they found Him, they said, “Everyone is looking for you.” Mark 1:35-37 CSB

Crowds during the holidays are a given.  Retail stores will have long lines, traffic will be heavier, especially around shopping centers, people will be frantically shopping for the perfect gift.  The closer it is to Christmas, the more frazzled the crowds will be. I spent over 20 years working in the Christmas madness of retail. Rarely were people kind, most often they were rude and hurtful.  Jesus was followed by crowds wherever He went. Once He started His public ministry, people followed Him everywhere. We can learn some things from Him this Christmas season.

The most important thing Jesus did was find time alone to pray. Lifting up the holiday stressors we all endure in prayer can help us navigate the holidays more peacefully.  First, we’ll be reminded what is truly important, people. Jesus came for the people, all of them. As John tells us in his gospel, “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16 NIV).  As we’re facing the crowds this holiday season, keep this in mind.  The rude person who jumps in front of us in line, Jesus died for them.  The bad driver who cuts us off while driving, Jesus died for them. The harried store clerk who is at wits end, Jesus died for them too.  We get to show everyone we encounter this holiday season a different way to handle the holidays.

We can plan ahead for our Christmas shopping, going when the stores are less crowded.  We can give ourselves extra time, expecting the delays that come with holiday crowds so we’re not pressed for time, causing us to be more irritable.  We can focus on representing Jesus well to everyone we meet, so our actions will remind them of the reason for the season. And daily we can find renewed strength by getting alone with Jesus and lifting up our worries to Him.   When we do, we’ll find rest from the hustle and bustle of the crowds. We’ll find renewed strength for another day. We’ll find hope in the midst of the busiest season of the year. A season that most people have forgotten what it is actually about, Jesus.

Today I’m going to find rest from the crowds by spending time with Jesus.  How can you find rest today? Comment below.

“Look, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.”  Isaiah 49:16 CSB

Loneliness during the holidays is something that isn’t just felt by single people. Thousands of military personnel spend the holidays overseas far from family and friends.  People in unhappy marriages can feel alone and isolated. Even in the midst of a crowd of people, one can feel lonely. But we are never alone, God is always with us, especially during the holidays.  After all, Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, our Savior. My loneliest holiday was spent in Toronto, Canada when I was a Flight Attendant. Far from my family, with people I barely knew, I felt alone and isolated.  Then I opened the drawer of my bedside table in the hotel and found a Gideon Bible. I opened up it’s pages and began to read, letting the Scriptures remind me, I wasn’t alone.

Here are some practical tips to help overcome loneliness during the holiday from this article.  First, set simple and realistic expectations for the Holidays.  Hallmark Christmas movies are wonderful, but they aren’t realistic.  Most of us won’t be skiing in Vail with prince charming this year. No matter how picture perfect someone’s life looks like from the outside, it isn’t.  Don’t get overwhelmed trying to make the holidays perfect, be realistic. Keep the holidays simple. And think about who you want to spend the holidays with this year.  Be honest with friends and family about your struggles, let them come beside you and help you through it. If we don’t tell people we’re struggling, they don’t know. Be open, be honest, make plans in advance to ensure you aren’t alone.

We’ve talked about this before, but don’t overspend.  Going into debt over the holidays will only add anxiety to an already difficult time.  My favorite thing to do during the holidays is to find a small homemade gift I can give to friends and family.  I learned long ago, when you’re being creative, you can’t be depressed. Have a craft day with friends, spend the afternoon together being creative and economical.  I have friends I get together with each year to make biscotti, it’s a highlight of my season. Volunteer at church or a non-profit organization over the holidays, helping others will help you.

But most of all, remember the reason for the season.  Focus on the gift of Jesus, laid in a manger, for us. Spend time with the Christmas story.  Think about Mary and Joseph’s lonely trek to Bethlehem, not being able to find proper shelter, sleeping with the animals.  That was the first Christmas. No tree, no expensive gifts, just Jesus. Because in all reality, He is all we really need.

Today I’m going to rest from loneliness by focusing on Jesus.  How can you find rest today? Comment below. 

“And we have this command from Him: The one who loves God must also love his brother and sister.” 1 John 4:21 CSB

Every family has conflict, there is no perfect family.  Nothing brings out family imperfections like the holidays.  But we don’t need to engage in the fighting. To help us navigate the murky waters of family during the holidays, we’re going to once again turn to Dave Ramsey.  In his article we can find helpful tips to make this holiday season a pleasant one.

His first tip is to compromise on parties.  Decide which parties you’ll attend, and how long you’ll stay.  My husband and I always have a game plan in place for situations like this.  We know before we enter what time we want to leave because we’ve discussed it and decided in advance.  Dave’s second tip is to shorten the shopping list. This was a huge problem in my family years ago. With six siblings, their spouses and children, that was a lot of gifts to buy.  But then we decided as a family to draw names, another tip on Dave’s list. This cut down on the shopping tremendously, as well as the anxiety of finding the perfect gift.  

Spending time with relatives we don’t like is also an issue at Christmas.  Dave says the same thing my mother always told me: “Just be nice, you don’t have to be their best friend.”  Of course, we all know this is easier said than done, especially when there is a long history because of the family relationship.  But we can be polite and smile for a couple of hours. Another family issue is those members who we feel should be more involved. They are the ones who only call when they need something.  Dave suggests each member make a “Christmas Promise” with another family member of something they would like done, as well as a timeline for doing it. This helps show the value of being involved.  

For kids who are ungrateful for their presents, use the moment as a time to teach them gratitude for what they do have, instead of what they don’t have.  Of course, Dave talks about grandparents who spoil their grandchildren, especially if they can’t afford the gifts. Help them understand the kids care more about their presence than their presents.  Money doesn’t buy love, intentional time spent together does, whether it’s getting ice cream or watching a football game.

The last thing Dave talks about is traveling versus staying home.  Again, compromise is the key. Plan ahead, think about the financial side of the trip and pre-determine how much you travel and when.  Then communicate your plans to the family as soon as possible so any possible issues can be dissected easily.  

And one last thing I try to use for everyone I meet, whether I’m related to them or not; Christ died for them.  He loves them, and we’re to love them too, even family. Sometimes, we’re the only light of Christ some people will see, let’s shine brightly for all.

I’m going to find rest by not fighting with family.  How can you find rest today? Comment below.

“Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from him.”  Psalm 62:5 CSB

We place expectations on people we should only place on God.  We expect people to be perfect, but they aren’t. Only God is perfect.  When we place unrealistic expectations on people, we get hurt. We are offended.  Relationships suffer. The sad part is, we don’t even realize we expect people to be perfect, but yet we do.  I was reminded of this the other day.

I was working on a project for school and I was looking for feedback before I turned it into my professor.  I sent my draft to several people and asked them for their thoughts. Of all the people I sent it too, only 2 people responded.  What was interesting was my reaction to the friends who didn’t respond. Some of them I had an easier time showing grace too than others.  I recognized I had different expectations of different people. Why was I ok that so-and-so didn’t respond, but not ok that someone else didn’t?   I also found some people waited to tell me when they saw me instead of responding back to my message. All of my friends handled the same situation differently, which made me aware of the different expectations I had for each of them.  

In reality,  we have higher expectations of the people who are closest to us, such as family, than we do those we don’t know as well.  Why is that? I’m still searching for an answer, but I believe it’s partly because of unrealistic expectations. For instance, I expect my husband to act a certain way.  I expect him to know what I’m thinking without having to tell him. I expect when I send him a text he will respond immediately. But those are all unrealistic expectations.  None of us can control how someone else acts, no matter how badly we want too. No one can know what we’re thinking if we don’t tell them. And no one is waiting at our beck and call to answer whatever need we have.   No one that is, but God.

God is who we need to place our expectation of perfection on, not our spouses or friends.  God is the only one who knows us intimately, who can anticipate our needs and be there every time we call.  No human on earth can do that, not even our husbands. When we lose unrealistic expectations of people, our relationships will get better.  We’ll be able to let them off the hook for their imperfections, and love them just as they are. We’ll be able to see when we are placing unrealistic expectations on people and adjust our thoughts.  We won’t expect them to know what we’re thinking unless we tell them. We’ll let them be who God created them to be instead of trying to change them into who we want them to be. We’ll allow them to live their lives without placing expectations on them only God can meet.

Today I’m going to find rest by releasing unrealistic expectations.  How can you find rest today? Comment below.

“The rich rule over the poor; and the borrower is slave to the lender.” Proverbs 22:7 CSB

Overspending at Christmas is something we all suffer from at some point or another.  In order to help us not make the same mistake this year, we’re going to look towards the wisdom of Dave Ramsey, who has helped thousands of people find their way to financial peace.  In his blog post, “20 Ways to Boost Your Holiday Budget,” he gives us helpful insight. In Dave’s words, “Live like no one else, so you can live like no one else.” 

First off, use the four gift rules: “Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read.”  Don’t buy things just so they have more to open under the tree. My mother had a saying about great sales, “It doesn’t matter if it’s a great price, if you don’t need it, it’s still wasted money.”  Instead, my Mom bought gifts all year long, not just in December, another suggestion from Dave’s post. Dave also recommends getting a second job to pay for Christmas gifts, take paid time off from your regular job to work another job to buy presents.  Shop sales, or make gifts for the people in your life, don’t pay full price for anything. Another great suggestion from the article is to stock up on gift cards throughout the year. Buy a $25 gift card each month, by December you have 12 gift cards to give away without hurting your budget.  Drawing names in your family can cut down on holiday expenditures, as well as starting a Christmas account to put money aside each month for the holiday. Christmas comes every year, we shouldn’t be surprised by it’s arrival, but often times we are. These are just a few of the things mentioned in the article.  Obviously, some of them we’re unable to do at this stage of the game, but we can keep them in mind for next year.

Dave did offer a bonus tip that we can all follow.  Set a holiday spending goal. When we take a good look at our finances before hand, we can set realistic expectations of what we can spend.  As the verse above says, “the borrower is slave to the lender” (Prov. 22:7 CSB).  If we don’t learn to control our spending in December, we will be a slave to our creditors in January.  We can find rest by not overspending. Ways I’ve implemented this in my own life including not buying gifts for friends.  Instead, we go out to lunch and enjoy each other’s company. My husband and I choose not to buy gifts for each other, instead we take a trip each holiday.  My family drew names in the past, now we just enjoy a meal together. The time we spend with people is more precious than spending it looking for the perfect gift.  

Today I’m going to find rest by not overspending.  How can you find rest today? Comment below.