Honest Reflections

“My heart says this about you: “Seek his face.” Lord, I will seek your face.” Psalm 27:8 CSB

Is there anything better than a day at the beach?  The sound of the waves crashing against the shore is a hypnotic sound that just calls for relaxation.  The breeze coming off the water has a slight chill which cools the skin as it rolls over it, counteracting the heat of the sun on your skin.  It lulls you into a false sense of security as your skin starts to take on a tinge of red. The muffled conversation of the people around you add an element of security that you aren’t alone.  It truly is a medication for the soul like no other in my humble opinion. The hours fall away silently as you soak in the rays of the sunshine, the saltiness of the breeze and melody of the waves.

There’s a reason they call it soaking it all in, there isn’t a single one of your senses that isn’t used.  Your eyes squint at the brightness of the sun. Your ears listen to the pounding of the waves. Your feet feel the sand beneath their toes, while the smell of the salt water invades your nostrils.  You can taste it all on your lips as it combines in the air and settles upon them, slightly salty with a bit of sand.

It takes all five senses to soak in the positive energy of the beach, it’s effortless and energizing at the same time.  When we learn to soak up the Son, it’s even more powerful. God uses all of our senses to interact with us. It is Him that makes the beach. All of the good feels we get from it are from Him.  We’re soaking up His blessings as we dip our toes in the sand, letting the cares of the world fall away from us.

Sam Goins, pastor of James City Community Church taught me this phrase:  “Keep the Son in your eyes.” It has become one of my favorite phrases in the world.  I use it often with others, even more so with myself. I have to keep the Son in my eyes in order to soak up everything He has for me.  It’s easy to lose sight of Him, there are plenty of distractions. But when I’m sitting in the sun at the beach, I can’t help but think of the Son.  In those quiet moments, I feel His presence like at no other time. It’s easy to thank Him for the blessings of life in those moments, when I’m soaking up the Son.

“One with many friends may be harmed, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24

There seems to be this false belief in our culture that we have to have a lot of friends.  But that isn’t true, we have to the right friends. The friends that will be there for you in the middle of the night.  It’s the small group of people in your life that know you best. The people who invest in you and you in them. If you don’t have a small group, you need one.  A great place to find one is your local church.

Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Church in California, lost his youngest son to suicide five days after Easter in 2015.  In a poignant article titled “My Son’s Suicide and God’s Garden of Grace” he describes the days leading up to the event, the  event itself and the aftermath. It struck me that within 30 minutes of discovering what had happened his small group were there with him and his wife.  They spent the night with them at their house. He said, “The deeper the pain, the fewer words needed.” His small group knew that truth, they didn’t come with words, they came with hugs and companionship.  That is the type of friendships we need to develop in our lives.

Dark days will come for all of us, God tells us this in His word: “I have told you these things so you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 NIV). I wish this wasn’t a truth of life, but it is.  The choice is who you will have to help you through them.

Rick Warren knew who sticks closer than a brother.  It’s Jesus. He goes on to tell in the article how he took a four month grief sabbatical.  During that time, he spent it with Jesus. His words describe that period of time best:

“You can’t spend four months alone in reflection, in the Bible, with scripture and with Jesus and it not change you, deepen you and sensitise you to the pain of other people.”

If we are to find purpose in our pain, we need Jesus to show us the way.  He gives us friends here on earth to help us through the dark days. He is the one whose opinion we should seek over all others.  He sticks closer than a brother

“The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20 CSB

Everyone succumbs to “pier” pressure.  Have you ever looked up because you saw someone else looking up?  Or walk into an elevator and faced the opposite direction of everyone else?  We do it without realizing we even do it. “Pier” pressure affects us whether we realize it or not.

This morning my husband and I went to breakfast. We’re camping, I had on what I call “saucies”, a term my friend Amy introduced me too.  It means comfy clothes. In this case, it was a pair of cut off sweatpants, one of my husband’s t-shirts from a tennis tournament he ran, and a bandanna pulling my hair back.  I also had on my favorite pair of flip flops with cute little flowers on them. What I find comfortable was cause for concern for a lady we encountered. She had come in while we were eating, dressed very conservatively in capris and t-shirt with a sweater tied around her neck.  Hair was done, light makeup. A casual relaxed look. She did not approve of my outfit. I have never so blatantly received such visual condemnation. As we were walking up to pay, she stared me down. I tried smiling at her twice, I couldn’t understand why she was staring at me so intently, making direct eye contact.  Then she did it, the tell tale sign of being judged. She did the up and down look. She slowly let her eyes roll down my entire body, then back up again, meeting my eyes once more. It was very clear, she did not approve of my outfit.

Thank God for my Aunt Margie.  My mother’s older sister and best friend.  It was from her my mother and I learned this saying, “If you don’t owe them money, you don’t have to care what they think about you.”  I’m very grateful to say, I don’t owe that woman a cent of money and I could care less what she thinks of me. But it still hurt on some level.  She doesn’t even know me, why does making me feel bad about myself make her feel better? I don’t understand that at all. More than likely, it has more to do with her perception of herself than it does me.  With a look, she was trying to spread negativity. I know it was negativity because I could not get the woman to smile, and I did try.

Why do we judge others so quickly?  Why does outward appearance mean so much to us?  It didn’t mean much to Jesus. Jesus cared about our hearts, where our treasure is there our heart will be too (Matthew 6:21 NIV).  When we become to concerned about our outward image, that is where our heart will be. If that is the case, it is on a very shaky foundation.  Looks are deceiving, they can be lost very easily, and they never tell the whole story. The lady who judged me so quickly by my outward appearance this morning has no idea who I am, what my heart is about or what God is doing in my life.  But I do, and that is what matters most.

Let them think what they want to think.  Keep your heart focused on God. His opinion is the one that matters

“You are to labor six days but you must rest on the seventh day; you must even rest during plowing and harvest times.” Exodus 34:21

Chick Fil A has 51 consecutive years of sales growth.  The chicken chain is known for being closed on Sundays, yet last year they reported over 10 billion dollars in revenue.  They rank 4th out of a 100 companies for their corporate reputation. It is on track to become the third largest restaurant chain by the end of the year. And it’s only open 6 days a week. They are out ranking their competitors and they are open 52 less days a year.  That, my friends, is evidence of their devotion to God. That is His blessing on their efforts. I’m by no means saying they are perfect. Just like no church is perfect, neither is a company. I do believe we find blessings when we are obedient to God’s word.

This particular commandment gets very little discussion.  Taking Sunday’s off seems ridiculous in today’s culture. Yet it is one of the top 10.  It’s there for a reason. God knows we need rest. An article by Rhett Power titled, “A Day of Rest: 12 Scientific Reasons it Works” highlights a few of them.  Rest reduces stress, reduces inflammation around your heart, helps you sleep better, strengthens your immune system and literally adds years to your life. It can even help you love your job!   The subtitle of the article is: “Most Major Religions Call for a Day of Rest…Science Agrees.” As usual, the scientists of the world couldn’t take God at face value. That’s ok, His word can handle the scrutiny.  

Scientists aren’t the only ones who have a hard time believing God’s word, so do His followers.  Did you know there used to be such a thing as Blue Laws? It meant that stores couldn’t be open on Sunday’s, they were designed to keep Sunday’s sacred.  In Virginia, where I live, they were in effect until 1988. When I first moved here in the early 90’s some still abided by it. Not anymore, there are very few companies that observe Sunday’s as a Holy day to be set apart.  If Chick Fil A is anything to gauge it by, they all should. And so should we. I understand some people aren’t able to take Sunday’s off, or any day at this stage in life. God willing, one day they will. Even if that’s the case, try and find time to rest in some way.  It really will benefit you in more than 1 one way, but you’ll never know until you try.

“I know both how to make do with little, and I know how to make do with a lot.  In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content, whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need.”  Philippians 4:12 CSB

When I think of someone who epitomizes contentment to me, I always think of my sister-in-law Jill.  We met when I was in highschool when she started dating my brother. They were married two years later, through the ups and downs of life, they are still going strong.  Her ability to be content has always baffled me. From the apartment they first lived in, to the house they are in now, I’ve watched her be content. And she was married to my brother, how in the world could she find contentment with him?  It has always amazed me. When I think of contentment, I think of her.

It doesn’t take much for Jill to be content.  She has always been thankful for what she has, no matter if it’s ramen noodles or a steak, she is thankful.  That is the key to her contentment. I’ve studied her for years to figure this out, the annoying little sister I am to her.  Give her a good book, a reese’s peanut butter cup and a comfortable couch, she’s in heaven. Put her on a beach instead of a couch, even more so.  Those are the things that make her happiest in life, when she has a chance to enjoy them, she does. She isn’t worried about what everyone else is doing, she’s not comparing herself to others, she’s just thankful for what she has.

The three lessons I’ve learned from Jill: don’t worry about what everyone else is doing, don’t play the comparison game, be thankful right where you are.  Jill has mastered these in her life. She recognizes she can’t control what others are doing or saying, so why worry about it? It’s a waste of time. She knows that comparing yourself to others gets you nowhere.  That most of what you see on Social Media isn’t true, it’s only what people want you to see. It’s the story they want to tell, but it doesn’t mean it’s telling the whole truth. Jill understands that. And she is always thankful right where she is.

Jill’s son was my nephew Cody.  Him and his sister are the two most precious gifts Jill and Matt ever gave me.  When Cody died just shy of his 21st birthday, I will never forget Jill thanking God for the time He had given us with him.  How grateful she was to have him at all. We talk about it often. Even though the pain of losing Cody has been, at times, unbearable, it is worth it for every minute we got to have him in our lives.  Even in the worst of circumstances, Jill thanked God. I will never forget that.

Learn to be content.  Stop worrying about what others are thinking or doing.  Don’t waste time comparing yourself to others, you are a Masterpiece of God’s. And be thankful for what you do have.  If you do, you’ll be on the path to contentment.

“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.“. Psalm 103:13

My Dad died when I was young, but there is one thing he taught me that has been a reigning rule in my life.  He used to always tell us, “Do it right the first time, then you don’t have to do it again.” Those words have proved to be so true in my life.  Truly words to live by. There is hardly anything I do that this one phrase doesn’t cross my mind at some point. It always takes me back to our garage in Tidal, PA.  I can remember cleaning out the garage with him, it always had to be immaculate. Because if you do it right once, you won’t have to do it again.

This one piece of advice has helped me drown out pier pressure in my life. It goes hand in hand with what God calls us to do:

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,” Colossians 3:23 NIV

Every week, when I pray over my calendar, at the very end, I give it all back to God.  I pray a simple prayer. Lord don’t let me miss any Divine appointments, assignments or tasks this week.  I want all you have for me Lord. I want to do it to the best of my ability for Your glory. I want to do it right the first time.  This week, this year, this life will only come once. Let me do it right, let me experience all you have for me from it, let me do it for You.

There is only one way to do it right the first time with God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, Jesus in us.  Paul tells us in Acts, we will receive power in the Holy Spirit (Acts 1:8). You can see the results of His power in our lives by the fruits that we bare.  The love we share, the self-control we exhibit, the gentleness we show. When we have patience with the people around us, when we show kindness and goodness to them, we are doing it right.  We are working for the Lord with all of heart. When we have joy in the midst of despair, peace in the midst of turmoil, faithfulness in the midst of hopelessness, we’re doing it right. And when we do those things with the people we love, we’re building the Kingdom.  We’re doing it right the first time.

Drown out pier pressure, listen only to the One who can give you what you need, when you need it.  Do it right the first time

“Lord, my every desire is in front of you; my sighing is not hidden from you.”  Psalm: 38:9 CSB

Sighing is one of my favorite ways to pray.  It fills in for me when I literally don’t have words, when I don’t know what to pray.  Faced with what seems insurmountable situations, where there seems no end in sight, a sigh can be the best form of expression.

My mother sighed all the time.  As a widower left with three teenagers, she had a lot to sigh about.  All of us handled our grief differently, all of us in different self-destructive modes.  And my Mom couldn’t control any of it. When I would come home with another “problem” her first response was always a sigh.  At the time, I didn’t think of it as a form of prayer, but now I do. Sighing is simply taking a deep, long breath. It’s letting air in when something takes your breath away: an event, a thought, a moment.  

I began to think of sighing as a form of prayer when one of my best friend’s moved to South Carolina to plant a church.  We would talk about this verse a lot in the days leading up to her departure. We had grown so close in the years the Lord had given us together, the thought of not being in each other’s daily life was overwhelming.  As the day grew close to their departure, the sighs grew more frequent. We knew God was leading them to plant the church. We knew the separation was necessary in order for it to come to fruition, but it was still hard letting go of what we had.  It was still hard dealing with the change it was bringing about in both of our lives. There weren’t words to describe it, but there were sighs that seemed to say it all.

“Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27 NIV

Sighing is a form of groaning.  God understands us, even when we don’t have words.  Just as a mother can hear the whimperings of her child, God hears ours through our sighs.  When we don’t have words, we don’t need them. We can sigh and know, God understands the groanings of our heart.  Try it next time you don’t know what to do. Take a deep breath, then let it go in a long, life-giving sigh. He’ll understand exactly what you are saying, as well as what you need.

“And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts.  And be thankful.” Colossians 3:15 CSB

Jan Grzebski was a railroad worker in Poland.  In 1988, he was hit in the head by a train’s hinged side car, which put him in a coma.  That is what they thought at the time, but came to find out he had a 5 centimeter brain tumor that was the actual culprit.  He spent the next 19 years in a coma, waking in 2007. When he went into the coma, Poland was a communist country. In 1990, Poland began to pursue economic liberalization.  When Jan went into the coma meat was rationed and there were huge lines at gas stations. When he awoke from the coma it was a free nation. This is how he described his experience:

“When I went into a coma there was only tea and vinegar in the shops, meat was rationed and huge petrol queues were everywhere.  Now I see people on the streets with cell phones and there were so many goods in the shops it makes my head spin. What amazes me is all these people who walk around with their mobile phones and never stop moaning.  I’ve got nothing to complain about.”

Isn’t it interesting his perspective?  His world went from an oppressive existence to freedom during the years he was unconscious, yet all he heard was complaining.  No one was thankful for the changes that occurred. Cell phones weren’t even in existence when the accident happened. Can you imagine waking up one day to such a drastic change?  We didn’t though, the change happened gradually over a period of time for us. So gradually, we take it for granted today. We take for granted the freedom cell phones have given us.  The increased communication we now have with others, the wealth of information we have at our fingertips we didn’t have before. We take it all for granted. I was amazed when I went to El Salvador, everyone had cell phones there.  I didn’t expect that in a third world country, yet that is how vastly our world has changed. And we can’t say thank you.

That is the bottom line, we don’t say thank you.  Our lives overflow with blessings we take for granted.  We don’t have peace in our hearts because we are more focused on what we don’t have than what we do have.  Jan didn’t have a problem being thankful, he spent 19 of his 66 years on earth in a coma. He was just grateful to be awake, to be alive, to be with his family.  But we take it all for granted. We’re all guilty of it at some point or another. Just the fact you woke up this morning, you had a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear and coffee to drink are all things to be thankful for today.  If we want peace in our hearts we need to be thankful for the blessings in our lives.

The next time you look at your cell phone, think about Jan.  Think about his words. Instead of moaning, be thankful. Use it as a way to remind yourself the key to peace in your heart is thankfulness.

“Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34 CSB

Today is my dear friend Leslie’s birthday.  We met 20 years ago through our work. I worked for Nautica, she worked for Polo.  It was in Chesapeake Square Mall, which now no longer exists, Dillard’s to be exact.  She came over and introduced herself to me. I was new on the job, I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to talk to the competition.  No lie. Turns out I was and she became one of my best friends. She’s battling breast cancer, prayers appreciated.

Leslie has listened to me worry a lot in the last 20 years.  When I was consumed with worry about something, she always says to me, “Don’t borrow trouble.”  It’s only recently I’ve begun to understand the truth in that statement. I realize now, I would be so consumed worrying about something out of my control, I wasn’t enjoying the current moment.  It’s difficult to not worry about tomorrow, it’s difficult not to borrow trouble. It’s a fine balance between enjoying today and worrying about the future.

As I was looking through my notes, I found this quote, “Thoughts are parents to your deeds.” I have no idea where it came from, or who said it.  But I think it can help us stay in the moment and not worry about tomorrow. We have a choice what we focus our thoughts on each day. It’s up to us to determine what we are going to let control them.  We can let worry consume us or we can intentionally focus our thoughts in the moment we are living. What Leslie was saying to me when she said, “Don’t borrow trouble” was control what you are thinking about.  Paul, in his second letter to the Corinthians puts it this way, “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5b NIV).

Paul takes it a step further in his letter to the Philippians:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Phil. 4:8 NIV).

Paul’s telling us, whatever moment it is, look for the good.  Look for the true, the noble, the right, whatever it is, look for the praiseworthy.  There will be moments in life that will be much harder than others to do this. But if we do, we will start to take our thoughts captive, we’ll be focusing on the moment, we’ll be finding God.  Don’t borrow trouble, look for the good.

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you, He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.” Psalm 55:22 CSB

Five years ago today I was in a major car accident.  It was early in the morning, around 5:30 a.m. I was in Northern Virginia on my way into work when a taxi cab ran a redlight and t-boned the rental car I was driving.  It all happened so quickly, the cops were there, my husband was notified. Before I knew it I was on a train heading back home less than two hours later. Thankfully I wasn’t injured, but it was as I was sitting on the train I realized I could be.  The airbag had deployed, I had taken the full force of it. Panic started to seize me as I realized I was stuck on this train for three hours, if I needed medical help I was in serious trouble. That is when I pulled out my Bible and began to read. That is when I cast my burdens on the Lord, asking Him to calm my anxious heart and give me the peace that only He can offer.  I did make it home, my husband picked me up from the train station when I arrived and took me straight to the hospital for a full examination. All ended well.

The feeling of panic that overtook me as I realized the seriousness of the accident is one I have never forgotten.  But even more than that, the peace I found when I turned it over to the Lord was more amazing. Opening His word and losing myself in it gave me what I needed that day. God is always available to us to unload our burdens, we’re the ones who don’t turn to Him and lay them at His feet.

How can we lay our burdens at His feet?

Reading His word is one way.  Another way I have found is by writing it down, whether it be in a journal or a bottle.  The reason I chose the image for this section of beachology is because of the message in the bottle.  I picture it as one of my burdens that I’ve written down, put in the bottle and set it adrift out to sea, never to be seen by me again.  That is what it is like when we give our burdens to God. It’s letting it go, trusting He will handle it, you no longer need to worry about it.  Unfortunately though, all too often we dive in after the bottle to grab it and bring it back to shore, we don’t want to let it go. But we have too.  It’s what God calls us to do. He doesn’t want us living stressed out, maxed out lives. He wants to let our worries drift away on the tide as we rest in Him.

Whatever burdens you’re carrying today, cast them on the Lord.  Let Him handle them, He’s just waiting for you to give it to Him.