Honest Reflections

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony.”  Psalm 133:1 CSB

In order to live in harmony with anyone else, we have to be in harmony with ourselves.  I recently purchased some new bras from a place I’ve shopped for years. I always love the end of July, the beginning of August because it is clearance time for them.  Clearance is the only way I shop, God’s clear, we’re not to waste money. This morning, as I was putting on my new piece of clothing, God reminded me of a story I wanted to share with all of you.

When I was in highschool, I loved Home Economics.  I’m not sure this class even exists now, but it is where I learned to cook and sew, neither of them very well, but I learned.  My senior year, I spent a lot of time with the Home Ec teacher, I’m sorry to say I can’t remember her name. But she was extremely skinny, always dieting, very insecure about her looks.  I remember that about her. One day, we were working on costumes for the school play when she told me a story I have never forgotten. When she was in college she had a roommate that had weight issues.  Apparently she was very fat. But she always had a boyfriend and she had lots of friends. This baffled my teacher, because she was skinny and pretty and didn’t have a boyfriend or a lot of friends. My teacher finally asked her what she was doing wrong?  Why didn’t she have a boyfriend or a lot of friends? This is what her roommate told her. She said it was her underwear. She said she always wore matching bras and panties to remind herself, it’s what is on the inside that matters, not what was on the outside.  I have to confess, I’ve worn matching undergarments ever since. Because I realized she was right, I understood the message she was trying to tell me. What is on the inside is more important than what is on the outside.

When we remember this truth, we will be in harmony with ourselves.  When we are in harmony with ourselves, we will be in harmony with other people.  We’ll be able to see the truth and speak the truth in love. We won’t take everything personally and be offended easily.  We’ll understand everyone is struggling in some way, just as we are. Everyone is fighting a battle, sometimes the inner battle comes out in hurtful actions.  If so, it just means they are hurting themselves. When Jesus is what is inside of us, we’ll find the harmony we so desperately need, not only with ourselves, but others.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 CSB

Knife sharpening, according to Wikipedia, is the process of making a knife sharp by grinding against a hard, rough surface, typically a stone, or a flexible surface with hard particles, such as sandpaper. In the same way, when iron rubs against iron, the friction it produces sharpens iron, both pieces, not just one.  Sharpening a blade is not easy work, it causes friction, sparks can fly, there is nothing about the process that is smooth sailing. Sharpening takes time, it takes more than one swipe to sharpen iron, the motion has to be repeated over and over again. The same happens with people, sharpening means having difficult conversations over time, done in love, with gentle persistence.

We often read this verse and gloss over it.  We think of it as rubbing up against someone once or twice and it having an effect on us.  There is no doubt, one encounter with a person can change the course of someone’s life, but that isn’t normally how it happens.  When two people sharpen each other, it’s typically a long drawn out process. If we are truly to sharpen each other, it takes persistence in the friendship.  For instance, I’ve known Heather for about three years now. When we first met, we didn’t have the friendship we have today. Our first conversation wasn’t nearly as deep as the conversations we have now.  We have sharpened each other in the time since we met, but it has been a slow sharpening, it’s a continual sharpening that happens every time we’re together. The more honest and transparent we are with each other, the more our friendship deepens and grows, the more we are sharpened.

If you notice in the definition above, sandpaper is used in the process of sharpening the knife.  Over and over again, the rough edges are rubbed against the knife to sharpen it. If you have ever rubbed your hand across sandpaper, you know it’s not a good feeling.  In fact, if you rub your skin long enough with the paper, it will take off the layers of skin and cause you to bleed. But in the end the knife is better for it. In the same way, conversations between friends can be like sandpaper sharpening the knife.  Friendships that sharpen people are not easy, they can definitely rub you the wrong way, they are full of truths you need to hear, but don’t want to hear. When we have conversations like these, done in love, by a persistent, loving friend, they will change us.  These life giving conversations will allow the truth into our lives and uncover areas we need sharpened. We can allow the sharpening because we know it’s done in love, by a friend. These conversations happen over time, not too much at once, just enough, slowly and persistently.  Iron sharpening iron, friends sharpening friends.

“Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them.” Luke 6:31 CSB

This morning on the news I saw a story about a young Mom in Alabama.  She received an anonymous letter from one of her neighbors. The letter stated her over grown yard needed to be cleaned up.  According to this neighbor, her lack of yard work was decreasing the property value of the neighborhood. This neighbor concluded the letter by saying, “You can do better.  Do better!” The young mom, not knowing what to do or who to address since the letter was anonymous, decided to post it, along with her explanation on social media. Randa Raglan’s three year old son, Jaxen was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma last October.  Since that time he has been in the hospital over 20 times and has had seven surgeries. The cancer is a rare, aggressive type that has attacked his bones. The lives of this family revolve around doctor and hospital visits. A link to their story can be found here.  Randa has had more important things on her mind than mowing the lawn.

This story illustrates a very important point we all need to remember; we never truly know what someone else is going through.  We can only see in part, not in whole (1 Corinthians 13:12 NIV). We, as a society, judge too quickly. We jump to conclusions that are not true, and we think we know what we’re talking about.  What someone meant for harm, God meant for good. As a result of her post, the community has rallied around Randa. Her neighbors have come together and cleaned up her yard. Not only have they cleaned up her yard for her, a Facebook support group has been started as well as a gofundme page.  These neighbors have renewed Randa’s hope: “It literally has helped my entire family’s faith in humanity because when you go through something like this, people are ugly or unkind. You know it just lowers your spirit more you know? It just makes you feel like you’re alone but to see so many people that don’t know me come out and do for my family, it’s beautiful.”

My heart aches not only for Randa, but others who are suffering in silence, facing unthinkable circumstances with no one to help them.  Whoever wrote the note to Randa did her a favor in the end, it forced her to share her story and get the help she needed. I hope and pray we’ll all remember this story when we jump to a conclusion about someone.  I pray we all will remember we don’t have all of the facts, we only see in part. I pray, before we decide on a course of action we’ll take the time to find out more about whatever it is. Everyone on this earth is fighting a battle, most of them unseen.  The harder people try to cover their struggles up, the bigger the battle they are fighting. Let’s become people who look past the exterior and take time to find out what battles are being fought, then let’s come alongside them and help them find victory. Let’s be the kind of friend we want others to be to us.

“Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”  1 Corinthians 15:33 CSB

If you’re mom was anything like my mom, she was always on you about who you hung out with as a child.  My mom drove me nuts, God forbid I hang out with anyone who might get me into trouble. I would love to tell my mother the truth I have learned, we’re all bad company. I would love to tell her the only person who is not bad company is Jesus.  Every other person on this earth, they are all bad company, including me. One day I will tell her when we meet again in heaven, until then, I’ll tell you. That is literally the point of God’s love for us, He knows that. He knows how corrupt we all are, He sent Jesus to save us from ourselves.  We’re all bad company, Mom; all of us but Jesus.

Have you noticed Heather’s Monday posts?  Every Monday Heather posts a random question.  She does this intentionally to get you guys talking to each other, she wants to  help you get to know one another better. That is why she always makes them fun and light, nothing heavy.  I love them, I think Heather has a unique gift for doing them. Today’s was a favorite movie and why. I posted “Gone with the Wind” because I have always wanted to be Scarlett, yet the scene I mentioned in my post was one of grace.  For those who haven’t seen the movie, it’s set in the old south in the Civil War era. The story revolves around Scarlett O’hara, the most beautiful belle in all of the south, spoiled rotten. She is in love with Ashley, who is married to Melanie.  At one point in the movie, she throws herself shamelessly on Ashley. Now Scarlett is also married, but her husband knows her for exactly who she is. When he finds out, he dresses her in a red dress and takes her to a gathering at Melanie and Ashley’s house.  Picture it, everyone knows what you have done and you’re about to come face to face with the truth. For the first time Scarlett thinks about someone other than herself as she looks in the sweet face of Melanie. And you know what Melanie does? She walks across the room with open arms and welcomes Scarlett into her home.  That my friends, is a true follower of Christ, that is a friend.

Ironically, I had never seen the movie that way before today.  Becky commented on my picture. As I was responding to her, I realized something. I realized, when I was younger I always wanted to be Scarlett, but now that I’m older, I want to be Melanie.  Scarlett was beautiful, all the boys were in love with her, she lived in a mansion with servants all around her. Who wouldn’t want to be her? Melanie was plane jane, her marriage was arranged, she had nothing compared to  Scarlett. Why would you want to be her? I thought the answers to those questions were fairly obvious, but now I realize, they aren’t I wasn’t answering them from a spiritual perspective, I was answering them from a worldly perspective. I didn’t realize until today, I want to be like Melanie because she is most like Christ.  There is nothing about Scarlett’s behavior that is like Christ, but Melanie there is. Melanie’s Christlikeness comes from her actions, not her words. I want my actions to speak louder than my words. I want those actions to be actions of love. I want to be like Melanie.

“Oil and incense bring joy to the heart, and the sweetness of a friend is better than self-counsel.” Proverbs 27:9 CSB

I learned where the term “man’s best friend” originated and I wanted to share it with all of you as we close out the dog days of summer.  George Graham Vest was a lawyer in 1870. He represented a man who had a deep love for his dog, Old Drum. One day a neighbor shot Old Drum because he was trespassing on his land.  Vest’s case against the neighbor was that he had killed more than just a dog, he had killed a member of the family. Vest famously stated, “The one absolute, unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world—the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous—is his dog.”  That is where the term “Man’s best friend” originated. And anyone who has a dog know they truly are our best friend.

There is a lot to learn from dogs about friendship.  They have short memories when it comes to wrongs we have done to them, yet long memories to the love we share.  They are always happy to see us when we walk through the door. When we’re sad, they are sad with us, when we’re happy they’re happy.  They fit our emotions, whatever they may be. Dogs love unconditionally, they always have our back. No one will ever sneak up on us as long as our dogs are around, they always let us know when someone is coming.  They protect us from danger, they will give their life to protect their master. They snuggle with us on cold days, swim with us on hot ones and follow us wherever we go. They mirror God to us in their faithfulness to us, and their acceptance of us.  Dogs enjoy their lives unashamedly, they don’t care what people think about them, they just love being with them. Dogs are joy filled and they bring joy to those they love. If only people were more like dogs, what a wonderful place this would be. As if to prove my point, I just took a quick break from writing this, when I walked out of my office, my dog is sitting at the top of my steps waiting for me to finish working so I can play with him.  And he will be there when I finish, no matter how long it takes.

There are a lot of things in life that bring heartache, but dogs aren’t one of them.  In them we find a reflection of God’s unconditional love for us in its purest form. Simple, uncomplicated, no pretense, just love.  Let’s take a lesson from their book today and just love whoever we’re with, simply, faithfully, unconditionally. Let’s be like man’s best friend.

“For the Lord takes pleasure in His people, He adorns the humble with salvation.” Psalm 149:4

I got to go home this past weekend to Tidal, PA.  My brother invited my husband and I last minute on a golfing trip with him and his lifelong friend, Shawn.  Going back to Tidal, for me, is like going home. I spent the first 12 years of my life there, living in a little house on a hill.  One of our group members’ lives in that house now, she has raised her family there in the past 30 plus years since we left. I know my childhood home is well taken care of and still full of love. I felt like a kid again this weekend, back playing ball with the boys out in the backyard.  I was able to share this precious place with my husband in a way he had never experienced before this.  

Pennsylvania is a beautiful state, they call it the rolling hills of PA.  And they are, I was holding on for dear life as we raced from one golf course to the next in our quest to complete 63 holes in 48 hours.  A glorious weekend filled with the beautiful countryside of PA. We saw a horse and buggy going about his business in the Amish country. The landscape was breathtaking as we stood on top of the hills, waiting to tee off.  But what I loved most was the people. I loved witnessing the friendship between my brother and his best friend. I loved the conversations we had about days gone by, adventures long over, and the stories I hadn’t heard. I loved seeing my life long friend Lori, running into her at breakfast, visiting with her over dinner, priceless.  I loved watching the love between Shawn and his wife, a love so deep it takes my breath away. And I loved visiting Reva and her son Gary, the first time I’ve been able to see them and offer my condolences for the loss of her son, his brother this past spring. All of these people are my family. They have known me my entire life, they know my ups and downs, as I know theirs.  A piece of my heart will always live in Tidal, it will always be home to me.

Being happy with what you have isn’t about things, it’s about people.  The people who you love and who love you. Making them a priority in your life, enjoying their presence will bring you happiness in the moment.  The moments are all we have, none of us knows what tomorrow will bring, but we know what is right in front of us right now. Make the most of your moments with the people you love, let them take your breath away.  Let the moments God gives you with them make you yearn for more. Don’t take today for granted, be happy where you are. Look for God in the midst of your day and you will find Him. You find Him in the knowing glance between friends, in the hug that offers condolences and in the love that is shared silently between people who have lived life together, the good and the bad.  He is always there, in the moments, if you just look for Him. When you find Him, you will find His joy.

“For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.”  Matthew 6:32-33 CSB

I have a confession to make, I’m trying to find verses for our devotionals that aren’t the everyday ones.  I’m finding it fun to find new verses on the same topic, but not as well known. Saying all that, I feel like this is a well known verse that gets overused and taken out of context.  This verse is one I’ve been trying not to use, but today is the day the Lord has made, and this is the verse He’s given me.

The Gentiles are us in this verse, things are worldly needs: food, drink, clothing, the basics.  The “things” are not new cars, big houses or large bank accounts. We misinterpret this verse if that is what we think “things” are.  We assume when the scripture says, “your heavenly Father knows that you need them,” that means new car, big house, large bank accounts.  That is not the meaning at all. This verse is simple saying, God knows we need to eat and wear clothes, that is all we really need to live on this earth.  We think we need more than that to be able to live, we’re wrong. I have had so many conversations about this with people, I always get frustrated. I want to scream, “Take your eyes off of things and put them on God.”  Focusing on God is always better than any “thing” you will have here on earth.

But “things” are captivating, they are a temptation, I struggle just like everyone else.  That is why I’ve been using this story in my life when I get tempted. I saw it on Facebook the other day.  An old man is being tempted, so he looks up to the sky and says, “Lord I need Your help, Your territory is in trouble.” I had to think about this statement at first to understand, but I realized the truth in it.  We are God’s territory, when we’re being tempted, we’re not alone. God is with us in our temptations and can help us avoid them, if we cry out to Him. My problem is I don’t cry out to God enough in my temptation.  When I’m tempted to focus on “things,” instead of God, I just need to tell Him that. He’s got my back. The tough part is realizing when you are focused on “things” or being tempted. Often we don’t even know we’re doing it when we’re doing it.  I know I don’t for sure. But the older I get the more I’m able to recognize it and avoid it. Recognizing temptation is why I love to give, when I give things away they don’t have a hold on me. Whether I give money, or “things”, it releases me of their hold on me, it helps me keep my focus on God.  

If we are going to be happy where we are, we need to understand this.  Understanding life is not about “things,” but about God, is how we will find joy in the midst of sorrow (Psalm 32:7 NIV).  We will find peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil. 4:7 NIV). We will find strength to rise like eagles and soar (Isaiah 40:31 NIV).  We will be happy with what we have.

“No other god is like You.  And with you we are safer than on a high mountain.”  1 Samuel 2:2 CEV

Ron and I have been watching Yellowstone.  The show stars Kevin Costner, who plays John Dutton, it’s the new version of the old classic, Dallas.  Set in Montana, the story takes you through the ups and downs of the Dutton family. Misery and pain is normal for this ranching family.  We just started season 2 last night, this one scene was perfect for being happy with what you have.

One of the main characters has been asked to do something that is completely demoralizing.  I don’t want to give too much detail in case there are other fans of the show. No spoilers from me.  But he has taken a lower position than the one he has been accustomed too, a much lower position. The scene takes place outside the barn as he is feeding the horses.  He’s being challenged to just leave, why does he put up with the crap the Dutton family throws his way. His antagonist looks at him and says, “Look what loyalty to this family has gotten you!”  She intends this to be mean and hurtful, but his response was priceless. As he picks up another scoop of hay, he stops and looks around. The camera pans out to the sun setting over the Montana mountains, the beauty of the land takes your breath away.  He slowly looks back at her and says, “Yeah, it’s awful.” 

Money and position are not what define happiness.  The simple things in life are what make us the happiest.  A quiet evening at home watching T.V. with my husband is more priceless to me than an expensive dinner out.  But sometimes we have to stop and take an inventory of what we have in order to be happy with where we are at.  If we don’t look around us, at the beauty God has given us right where we are we can lose focus of what is really important.  I’m grateful to be able to work, I’m thankful for the health to get out of bed in the morning, every night when my husband comes home from work I praise the Lord.  I remember the years I lived without him, I’m thankful for every day God gives me with him.

There is no other god like our God, with Him we are safe.  In Him we find peace, we find joy, we find all we need. He will lead us to where He wants us to be, He will shape us into who He wants us to become.  Life with Him isn’t about where we are, but about where He is taking us. Each day, making us more like Him. Often, we lose our happiness because we’re comparing ourselves to others.  Andy Stanley addressed this in a recent message, and I think he’s onto something. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, why don’t we compare ourselves to who we were yesterday and try to do better today.  When we live our lives for God, each day He will refine us a little more. Each day, God will help us to find joy in the midst of our circumstances. Even in the midst of the storm, life with God is always best.  With Him, we are safe.

“It sprouted and became a spreading vine, low in height with its branches turned toward him, yet its roots stayed under it.  So it became a vine, produced branches, and sent out shoots.” Ezekiel 17:6 CSB

Did you know there is a right way to tie your shoe?  Terry Moore says there is. Terry had bought a new pair of shoes, he loved them, except they would never stay tied.  When he took them back to the place where he bought them, the store owner noticed right away he wasn’t tying his shoes correctly. If you would like to learn the correct way to tie your shoes a link to his  three minute TED talk is here.  What does it matter if you tie your shoe correctly or not?  The point is, small things in life can have a big impact. When you tie your shoe the right way, your shoe won’t come untied.  A small thing that has a big impact.

I had to watch this video for the current class I’m taking.  The question the professor then asked us was: Who is someone in your life that did a small thing that is still impacting your life today?  Immediately my Calculus professor from Clarion University came to mind. That man has impacted my life in ways he will never know. I was struggling in the class, failing it to be completely honest.  He tried to help me to the best of his ability, but he knew something about me I didn’t know; I wasn’t giving the class my best effort. At the end of the semester, when I went to him, begging him to pass me, he gave me this little lecture.  He told me there are times in life when you need a pat on the back and there are times in life when you need a kick in the butt. He told me I needed a kick in the butt. He was absolutely correct, I did. I failed that class; I had to retake it in the summer, which I did and got an “A”.  He taught me a valuable lesson, he showed me how to tie my shoes the right way.

That moment in time was over 25 years ago, yet it still impacts my life today.  His comment to me has sprouted, it has become a vine that has produced branches.  I often remind myself of it, sometimes that I need a pat on the back, sometimes the kick in the butt.  I have often used his words when talking with others dealing with different situations. There is truth in those simple words. Life hands us so many different situations, being happy with what you have can be difficult depending on what is going on in life.  But a lot of times, the difficulties we have in life are our own creation. The professor didn’t fail me in that class, I failed it because of the choices I was making. I made my life difficult, not him. That was what he was trying to tell me that day long ago in his office.  In the same way, sometimes things happen that are out of our control, there isn’t anything we did or can do to help it, those are the times we need a pat on the back. Learning the difference between the two has helped me learn to be happy with what I have. I hope his wise words will help you do the same.

“When I am filled with cares, your comfort brings me joy.” Psalm 94:19 CSB

I’m in the process of writing a paper on Fred Rogers from Mister Rogers Neighborhood.  He was an amazing man, his heart for the Lord knew no bounds. The stories of how he shared Christ’s love with children truly touch the heart strings.  He also has taught me something about discipline. I’ve always thought I was disciplined, but compared to Mister Rogers, I’ve got a long way to go. Grateful God doesn’t play the comparison game, and neither should we.  But I do love when God reveals areas to me where I need work, like He did yesterday.

Mister Rogers weighed 143 pounds all of his life.  Every morning he would get up and swim, then he would weigh himself to make sure the scale said 143.  In order to maintain his weight he didn’t drink or smoke, he never ate meat, he went to be early and rose early, always getting 8 hours of sleep.  Believe it or not, he didn’t even watch television. He was diligent about remaining 143 pounds for this one simple reason. 143 spelled “I love you” in Mister Rogers mind.  This is how he explains his thinking:  “the number 143 means ‘I love you.’ It takes one letter to say ‘I’ and four letters to say ‘love’ and three letters to say ‘you.’ One hundred and forty-three. ‘I love you.’ Isn’t that wonderful?”  Weighing 143 pounds is how Mister Rogers kept his mind focused on the love of God, for him and for others.

The definition of discipline could be explained in 143 pounds.  Mister Rogers was a man who had his eyes focused so clearly on God, he couldn’t see much else.  He didn’t live an elaborate life. The infamous sweaters he wore on his show were made by his mother.  He always took afternoon naps. He knew clearly what his purpose was here on earth, he believed deeply that we are all God’s image bearers (Genesis 1:27).  When he was dying he read Matthew 25 often, he would ask his wife, “Am I a sheep?” He was fearful he hadn’t done enough for God in his time here on earth. Yet 16 years after his death, Fred Rogers Production has four children’s show developed from Mister Rogers neighborhood that are still going strong, still sharing the love of Christ.  Fred Rogers turned down lucrative financial deals from advertisers because he refused to market to children. He wanted to keep his message pure and relevant. He wasn’t afraid to tackle the tough issues of divorce, assination, or racial tensions. He did it all with love.  

Mister Rogers was a man who knew how to be happy with what he had.  He knew how to keep his eyes focused on Jesus. Day after day, he sought to live for the Lord and do the right thing.  And each day, he kept his focus by starting out his day on the scale, weighing 143 pounds. Managing his weight was his way of telling the world, “I love you.”  If we want to learn to be happy with what we have, we can learn a lot from Mister Rogers. As he always said, “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood!”