Honest Reflections

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33
Yesterday my husband and I experienced our fifth flat tire together.  It was on I-95 near Fredericksburg, VA.  Just before the exit.  It was nerve racking.  The cars and trucks were flying by so fast.  No one stopped, of course.  A police officer came by just as we were finishing up.  Gratefully it was on the passenger side, which meant away from the traffic.  God protected us, we changed it and were able to get back on the road.
We had been traveling for approximately two hours at this point.  It was our third obstacle in a short time.  We’d had a trucker pull us over because he felt our bikes were not secure on the back of the trailer.  Which they were.  Then a piece of trim on our Fifth Wheel had come loose and was flopping in the wind, which had to be tucked back into the frame.  Third was the flat tire.
For the first time in our RVing life I wanted to turn around and go back home.  It just seemed like too much.  I was afraid of what would happen next.
My husband though, said something which changed my perspective.  We had gotten back on the road.  I was recapping to him all of the flat tires I had experienced since being married to him.  I had worked for 16 years as a Merchandise Coordinator with Nautica.  During that time I averaged 50,000 plus miles a year driving.  Gratefully, not once did I have a flat tire.  God’s grace on my life.  Since being married to Ron, in five years we’ve had five flats.
I’d rather have a flat with my husband, than none by myself.
I was focused on the negative side of having a flat tire when  he shared his philosophy with me.  He has always been “flat tire” prone.  He told me he has learned flat tires are a part of life.  When you experience as many as he has, you learn to just deal with it and move on.  You don’t let it ruin your day.  You take the bad with the good.
He’s right.  Flat tires are a part of life.  Whether it’s an actual flat tire, a job loss or a something even worse.  It happens.  Jesus tells us in John 16:33 it’s going to happen.  Take heart though, He is with you in all things. He has overcome whatever it is.  Even death.
We have to learn to deal with it and keep going.  I’m not saying it’s going to be easy.  I’m not saying it’s going to be immediate.  I am saying God is with you.  He will help you keep going.  He will send people and events into your life which will spur you on.
Just like my husband spurred me on yesterday when I wanted to give up.
”…in this world you will have trouble, take heart, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Don’t let your flat tires stop you from what God has in store for you.  Keep going.  Get back on the road.  It’s only a bad moment, don’t let it ruin your day.

“And besides, there is a great chasm separating us. No one can cross over to you from here, and no one can cross over to us from there.’” Luke 16:26
I had the most incredible evening last night, and the most spiritual.  A friend invited my husband and I to go see the Psycadelic Furs with him.  He’s in the music industry, my husband used to be in the music industry.  I went along for the ride.
Because of his position, our friend is granted VIP access.  It is the first time I have ever experienced what it is like behind the scenes in the music industry.
At first, I have to admit, I was nervous.  It reminded me of where I used to be before I started following Jesus.  Then the truth settled in as I remembered, I’m not that person any more.  I am new in Christ.
We had a bird’s eye view.  I stood at the gap looking over the crowd to my left, the stage to my right.  As I gazed out over the people one thought prevailed in my head, “They need Jesus.”  I started thinking this is exactly where Jesus would be, loving on these people.  I realized I had the opportunity to love on these people who I normally would never have met or seen.  I’m not a music girl, I never really have been.  I can count the number of concerts I’ve been to on two hands.
But God had brought me here.  Not only did He bring me here, but He had given me a unique view.  The chasm between the stage.  It reminded me of the distance between heaven and hell.  I kept looking at the people to the left, how desperately they wanted to be on the stage, yet they couldn’t get there.
I’m grateful for us.  We have a way of getting there.  Jesus created the way for us.  He is the bridge which we walk across to our eternity.  Praise be to God!
As I stood there, asking God the best way I could love these people?  I realized it was by praying for them.  I asked God to help them cross the chasm.  I prayed they would all come to know Jesus.  I asked Him to bring people into their lives who would introduce them to Jesus.  I prayed they would all be with me in heaven.  They would all meet my Cody boy one day who is already there.
It was powerful!  I asked the Lord not to let me forget what He showed me last night.  I don’t want to ever forget how far the Lord as brought me.  I’m so thankful He reminded me.
God rocks!

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
I just have to share the most impactful part of my week.  It’s going to be short and quick.
I am working on a writing project.  I wrote a chapter on forgiveness the other day. In my research I used this story.
Cory Ten Boom, a prisoner in the concentration camps during World War II, was confronted with the guard that held her and her sister hostage.  He had come to know Jesus in the years since.  He had listened to her speak on God at a local church.  Afterwards he came up to her and asked her to forgive him for how he treated her while she was imprisoned.  He knew Christ had forgiven him, he wanted her forgiveness as well.
She had just spoken on behalf of God.  She knew she was compelled to forgive.  However she had no desire to forgive.  So she asked God for help in this simple prayer:
“Jesus, help me! I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.”
She describes lifting her hand woodenly, but then a current started in her shoulder and raced down her arm to their entwined hands. She said then a healing warmth flooded her entire body and true forgiveness entered her. She went on to say, after experiencing such a tremendous forgiveness, she never had trouble forgiving again.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this since I wrote it.  I love this prayer.  I now know, sometimes all I have to do is lift my hand.  God will take care of the rest if I ask Him too.
I struggle with forgiveness.  I don’t like letting people off the hook.  I really rather like them to squirm.  But that is not what God does.  That is not what God has done for me.  He has forgiven me completely.  The least I can do is forgive others.
I’m not God, not by a long shot.  I am willing though, to lift my hand, trusting He will do the rest.  It will take some work though.  I pray He gives me the time to do it!
 

“But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.”  Isaiah 53:5 Continue reading “Scars” →

“He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91:4
Labor day signifies so many things.  The end of summer.  The beginning of fall.  The start of the new school year.  The end of a love story.
Labor Day is actually  a public holiday in the United States celebrated on the first Monday in September.  It honors the American labor movement and the contributions that workers have made to the strength, prosperity, laws and well-being of the country.
We all have our definitions of Labor Day.  What it means to each individual is different.  For me, Labor Day will always be the day before…
It’s the day before my nephew Cody died.  Cody wasn’t just my nephew, he was like a son to me.  It’s hard to put into words how precious our relationship was, and in my mind still is.  I never had children. He and his sister Casey are the closest to children I ever had, and probably ever will have.  I’m grateful their Mom was so open in sharing them with me.
Cody was 20 years old when he died.  Just months from his 21st birthday.  Trying to put into words a relationship that was as special as ours, which spanned that amount of time seems impossible.  There were weekend sleepovers, vacations, afternoons at the movies.  There were so many trips…D.C., Florida, Pennsylvania to name a few.  There were quiet afternoons at home.  There were trips to the beach, to the pool, to Water Country.  There was trick or treating and school trips.  Thanksgiving’s and Christmas’s.  Every moment was special.
Cody, and his sister, made me a better person.  They made me want to be a better person for them.  I loved spending time with them.  I didn’t get married until after I was 40 years old.  I joke it was because of them, but in every joke you will find truth.  I preferred their company over anyone else.  Especially when they were young, and dependent on you.  Those were the best weekends, best vacations.
As they got older, it was harder.  They didn’t want to spend as much time with Aunt Beth.  It was understandable, but it still hurt.  By the time Cody died, I hadn’t seen him in months.  We had talked and texted, but I hadn’t physically seen him.  The last time I did see him was at my Mom’s funeral.  It was as I was leaving.  He stood up and gave me the biggest, longest hug.  As I look back on it now, it’s as if he knew that would be the last time.  That hug would have to last me until we meet again in heaven.
Cody was diabetic.  It was his diabetes that won the battle three years ago on Sept. 2.  The day after Labor Day, the day before my world changed forever.  It was a hard fought battle, in so many ways, but in the end, the disease prevailed.
The day before was much like today.  I’m in the same place I was then.  The sun was shining, there was a slight breeze and I was with my husband.  We had had a wonderful weekend camping. I remember feeling sad when the weekend was over, not wanting to go back to our normal lives.  I had no idea what was in store for me.
It was around 3:00 p.m. the next day when my brother called me.  I can still hear his voice telling me, “Cody is dead.”  I hear it often in my mind.  Almost like a reminder that he really is gone.
A lot has changed in the past three years.  A lot of it Cody would be thrilled with beyond words.  Things he wanted to see happen in his lifetime, which didn’t happen until he was gone.
Ironically, he is still making me a better person.  I think of the wonderful person he was.  I think of how he loved me so purely.  I try to be worthy of that love.  Cody wasn’t perfect, no one is, but he was real.  He was genuine.  He was good.
One thing though has not changed, my heart is still broken.  My love for him is stronger than ever.  And Labor Day will always be the day before my life changed forever.  It will always be the day before I lost Cody.
Psalm 91:4 is the verse that represents Cody to his Mom and sister.  Every time they find a feather they think of him.  It has come to represent Cody to us.  A reminder he is with God.  He is with his grandma.  One day we will be reunited again.  Until then, however, I still have work to do here on earth.  For now, I hold onto our last hug, grateful it was so memorable, knowing he knew how much I loved him.
It is true, live at peace with everyone to the best of your ability.  None of us know how long we have.  None of us know when we’ll have a “day before”.

“But Jesus was sleeping.”  Matthew 8:24b
I have a confession.  I do not handle interruptions well.  In fact, I hate them.  I am a very one tracked mind kind of person.  Once I start focusing on something it consumes my mind.
Guess who handled interruptions well?  Jesus!
I am doing the study “We Saved You a Seat” by Lisa Jo Baker.  It’s a study of friendship.  I just completed a section that talked about how Jesus was constantly interrupted.  Not only was He constantly interrupted, but He welcomed the interruptions.
Here are a few examples:
Matthew 8:5-13:  Jesus is on His way to the city of Capernum.  He’s interrupted by a Centurion with a sick servant.  Jesus stopped what he was doing, listened to the man and healed his servant.
Matthew 8:28-34:  Jesus is on his way to Gadarenes when He encounters two men filled with demons.  He stops His journey and actually converses with the demons.  Then He promptly sends them into some nearby pigs, who then run over the edge of the cliff. He leaves the two men demon free.
Matthew 9:20-22:  This one has always been near and dear to my heart.  There is a woman who has been bleeding for 12 years.  (By bleeding, we mean a 12 year menstrual cycle.)  Jesus is on His way to Jarius’ house when He feels energy leave Him.  Literally, He is surrounded by crowds of people and He feels energy leave Him.  When He looks around He finds this poor woman who has lived all these years in misery.  Her faith is so strong, she knows if she just touch’s His cloak she will be healed.  Jesus stops and heals her. He frees this woman from her agony.
There are many more, those are just a few.  All of them Jesus is awake.  He’s going somewhere.  He gets interrupted.  He doesn’t get mad. He loves the people who interrupted Him.  He heals them and encourages them.  One thing He does not do is get angry.  He doesn’t yell at them.  He doesn’t make them feel bad for stopping Him.  In no way does He make them feel bad for bothering Him.
Oh to be more like Jesus!
My favorite though is Matthew 8:18, 23-27.  Jesus is sleeping.  He’s on a boat with His Disciples heading across the Sea of Galilee.  A big storm has blown up and the Disciples are scared.  They wake Jesus up!  Nothing bothers me more than being woken up.  Not Jesus, He simply wakes up and tells them to have more faith, then calms the storm.  I like to think He was able to go right back to sleep, but Scripture doesn’t tell us whether He did or not.
My point is, Jesus was interruptible. Whether he was traveling,  teaching or sleeping, He stopped what He was doing for those that came to Him.  There is a lesson to be learned here.  We need to be interruptible.
What does it mean to be interruptible?
If we take our cue from Jesus, it means putting others first.  It means people are more important than our agenda.  It means noticing those around us.  It means seeing a need and meeting a need.  It means being more like Jesus.
In my world, it means I have a lot of work to do.  Instead of hating interruptions, I need to embrace them.  Instead of counting them as a curse, I need to look at them as a blessing.  My heart is to love people more than my agenda.  In order for me to be interruptible, I need more Jesus and less Beth.
What about you?  What do you need to be interruptible?
 
 

“Pray continually.”  1 Thessalonians 5:17 NIV
I listened to a great message this week on this verse.  The message was actually on spending time with God in prayer. When he started talking about this verse, he challenged his listeners, “How do you pray continually?”
It turns out, for many of us, culture has identified prayer as something that is time consuming.  Something that needs to be set apart.  Something that has to be reverent, spiritual, intentional.
Prayer is reverent, it is spiritual and it is intententional.  It does not however have to be set apart from our daily lives.  It isn’t another thing that has to be added to our schedule.  It is something that is a lifestyle.
It is something that can be done in 140 characters or less, all day long.
I do believe you should have time that is set aside for God.  For me, that is the start of my day.  I love to close myself in my prayer closet and begin my day with God.  I read His word, I journal, I listen.  It’s wonderful.  I love to get up at least an hour earlier than my actual day begins and give this time to him.  The earlier the better.  That’s just the start though.  It’s easy to walk away from these quiet times and put God back in His box, or leave Him in my closet and go about my day.
How do we keep that communication with Him going?  How do we incorporate it into our day?  How does it become a lifestyle?
I realized as I listened to this message it’s a 140 character or less lifestyle for me.  It’s continuous and it’s all day.
Why 140 characters?  In today’s world, in today’s technology, we have become conditioned to the 140 character limit.  We twitter in 140 characters.  We text in 140 characters.  We even Facebook in 140 characters.  We have learned we don’t have to say much to get our point across.
It’s the same way with praying.  Praying continuously doesn’t mean long dialogues with eloquent words.  It’s keeping in touch with God throughout your day.  Letting Him be a part of every day.  Unlike your spouse or your best friend, He always answers.  He’s waiting on the text, He already has a reply before you even send it.
Short, heartfelt prayers are just as reverent, just as spiritual and just as intentional as long winded ones.  Maybe even more so.
Here are examples of a 140 character or less prayers:
“Lord help me.”
“Lord, give me words.”
“Lord, keep my mouth shut.”
“Lord, bless them.”
“Lord, correct them.”
“Lord, show them the way.”
Are you beginning to get the drift?  I’m praying in 140 characters or less you will.
“Lord, eyes to see and ears to hear.”
What are your short prayers that keep you in touch with God throughout your day?  I’d love to hear them.
 

““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”” Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭NIV‬‬
Rest. Relax. Renew. Repeat.
I think those may be my four favorite words. I think I need someone to say them to me often. It turns out putting them into practice isn’t as easy as it sounds.
I’m putting them into practice today.
When this morning started out, when I placed my beach chair in the sand, as I pulled off my cover-up and settled in my chair, I felt burdened. I felt defeated. I felt sad. I wanted to cry. All of the long days and long hours I’ve been working have caught up with me.
My patience was worn thin. My tolerance level was low. My judgement meter was high. My love tank was empty.
I’m not completely filled back up yet, I am however on the way. I started by reading my Bible. I opened my journal to write the scriptures God showed me. I poured my heart out to Him on paper. I was honest I didn’t lie.
I felt hatred towards someone, I told Him who. I asked Him to renew my heart and let me see them through His eyes, not mine. God loves everyone, even those who offend us. I love how He softened my heart. I love how He showed me they didn’t mean to offend me. They don’t even know they offended me. They were doing the best they could with what they had. He turned my hatred into love. Only God can do that.
I am so saddened by the hatred in our country. The incident in Charlottesville, one of my favorite places, is burdensome. As I scroll through facebook and see people make hateful statements, convinced they are right, thinking they are loving, it breaks my heart. God addressed it in my Bible reading:
“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”
‭‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭7:14‬ ‭NIV‬‬
My first inclination was to post it on Facebook, but then God stopped me. I realized He wanted me to pray it for our nation. He lifted my burden. He showed me how to pray. I first need to humble myself. I need to turn from my wicked ways. I need to seek His face.
Letting God examine your heart will be revealing. It can be painful. None of us are without sin, yet we find it easier to focus on someone else’s sin rather than deal with our own. I have used this phrase often in the past few weeks:
“When you point your finger at someone else, there are four fingers pointing back at you.”
I don’t know where it originated. I do know it’s true. I’ve been praying people will stop pointing fingers. Including myself. I’ve been praying people will humble themselves and turn to God. I’ve been praying they will address the sin in their lives, instead of focusing on others.
I’m feeling rested. I’m feeling relaxed. I’m feeling renewed.
I went to God weary and burdened. He has given me rest. I have taken His yoke upon me and I’m learning to be gentle and humble in heart. He has given rest to my soul. His yoke is easy, His burden is light.
First, however, we need to seek Him. I’m praying for you, whoever reads this. I’m praying you will seek Him. I’m praying you will take on his yoke, learn His ways, find His rest.
It’s there, waiting for you!

“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.”  Song of Songs 8:7
Today is our fifth anniversary.  Two people who most had written off would never get married are celebrating the first 1826 days of their life together.  (Can’t forget that extra day we had thanks to leap year.)
I was 41 years old when we met, just a month shy of 43 when we married.  Neither of us have been married before.  Neither of us had children.  An anomaly.  No one thought either of us would marry.  I’m sure if you asked our family and friends, if they were honest, they would give you a list of reasons why that would be true.
They would of been wrong.  They didn’t take into account the God factor.
God’s timing is always perfect.  I can say with complete confidence if I had met Ron one day earlier than I did, it wouldn’t of been perfect.  It wouldn’t of been on a tennis court, on a beautiful fall evening.  He wouldn’t of taken my breath away quite like he did.  Not if it had been even one day earlier.
If I hadn’t waited through my thirties.  If I hadn’t worked on who I was and the issues I had, I wouldn’t of been ready for the love we share.  I wouldn’t have been able to receive the love Ron has for me.  I wouldn’t of been able to give him the love I have for him.  I needed to let God into all of those place, shine His light on all of those past hurts and heal me.  I had to understand who I was in Christ before I could become who God had created me to be, Ron’s wife.
Every day God gives us together reminds me of how intricately God is intertwined in our lives.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”  Ecclesiastes 4:12
From our happiest days, to our saddest, God is a part of them all.  I love thinking about how we listened to a series on marriage on our honeymoon.  I joke our first marriage counseling was the doubles clinics we did that week.  Ironically, playing tennis together is something that we can’t do anymore. Even more ironic since that’s how we met.  We still are trying to figure out why that is?
On our saddest days, He’s there too.  If I ever doubt God’s presence in my life I think about the day my beloved Cody died.  He was the closest thing to a son I think I will ever have.  That day, the day I received the dreadful call, Ron had walked in the door just five minutes earlier.  That was God in our lives.  Ron was there to hear my scream.  He was there to drive me to the hospital. He was there to hold me in the depths of my grief.  God knew that day was coming and he knew I would need Ron.  I know, without a doubt, when we face our greatest fears, God is there to carry us through.
It is through the people he places in our lives.  At the right times, the right moments, that He cares for us.  It is why we should follow the promptings we have to reach out to someone, to pray for them, to be there for them.  Those promptings are what leads to steps of faith.  When we take them, we have no idea where they will lead.  There is one thing I am sure of, I want to go where God leads me more than any other place.
It was a prompting that caused me to email Ron that first time.  It was a step of faith that this time it would be different.  It was one step after another that led our relationship, that tells our story.  I love that we followed God’s plan for our lives.  The memories we made are so vibrant, our story is so full of life.  
I’m trusting God that this is just the beginning.  I pray often He’ll give us forty more years together.  I pray specifically that they will be happy, prosperous and healthy.  I know there are no guarantees about tomorrow.  I’m grateful for today.
I’m grateful for the first five, I’m hopeful for the next five.  I’m thankful God created a man that is perfect for me.  When I see his smile my heart skips.  I am constantly amazed at his response to life, so different from mine.  It is a gift.  We do complement each other.  His strengths are my weaknesses, mine his.  
It takes work.  It can be hard at times.  I love even when I’m so mad at him I could spit, I still want to be with him.  I’m thankful to have waited.  I’m thankful I trusted.  I’m grateful for every new day we receive.  I’m grateful God is our third chord that cannot be easily broken.
Happy anniversary my Love!  Praying for many more years together!

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7
What a beautiful picture, humbling yourself so that God can lift you up.
I was listening to a message this week from one of my favorite pastors, Vince Antonucci.  He pastors Verve church which sits in the heart of Las Vegas.  He shared how Quakers have a tradition.  When they go before the Lord in quiet time they turn their hands with palms facing down.  This is their way of emptying themselves of whatever is distracting them from their relationship with God.  Then, once they have emptied themselves, they turn their hands palms facing up.  This is when God fills them up with His Spirit now that they have emptied themselves of theirs.
Isn’t that a beautiful way to come before the Lord?
I just stopped and did that.  Right now, in the midst of writing this blog.  It was amazing.
As I turned my hands over I thought of all the things I needed to let go of today.  There was so much.  As I started listing things in my mind, more kept coming.  It felt good to visualize them pouring out of my down turned palms.
Then I rushed it, and I turned my hands back over.  I felt this immediate prompting from the Lord:
“No, there’s more.”
I wasn’t finished letting go.  I could feel it in my Spirit.  I immediately turned my hands back over.  There was more.  The Lord was right.  I had bitterness hiding in the crevices, there was jealousy that I hadn’t acknowledged.  I felt unforgiveness begin to flow out of my hands.  All things I needed to let go of today.  Now.
Finally, when I felt the last drop fall from my palms.  I turned my hands back over.  I let the Lord begin to fill me back up.
I prayed for His light to pour into me.  I prayed for His love to  fill me.  I prayed that nothing be hidden from Him.  I gave Him access to my entire heart.
It was amazing!  It was energizing.  I feel lighter than I’ve felt in days.  I feel able to take on the rest of my day.  I feel renewed.   I feel refreshed.  I feel loved.  I feel close to God.
I encourage you.  Try it.  Find a quiet place to sit and do as the Quakers do.  Turn your palms over and empty yourself. Cast all your cares on the Lord. When you’re ready, not a second too soon, turn them over and ask Him to fill you back up.
Prepare to be amazed!