Honest Reflections

“The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?” Proverbs 20:24 NLT

This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible.  It’s my, “let yourself off the hook” verse. It’s right here in black and white.  God is the only one that knows all, I never was meant too and I never will, so why waste time trying?  

We all have people in our life who think they know everything.  People who think they have an answer for whatever situation you happen to be dealing with at the time.  Those people test my patience more than any others. Sometimes I wonder if they know how ridiculous they sound?  Really, you have an answer for everything? Then why do young children get cancer? Why do loved ones die unexpectedly?  Why does life hurt so much? Why is it so hard? I’d love the answers to those questions from the ones who think they know it all.

Truth is, they don’t have the answers to those questions anymore than I do.  But I know the one who does. Even though He doesn’t give me the answers to some of the tough questions in life, I trust Him.  I trust that even though it makes no sense from my earthly view, it makes complete sense from His heavenly view. And there is more about life on earth that doesn’t make sense to me than does.

I’ve mentioned Corrie Ten Boom, a hero of the faith to me.  Survivor of the holocaust, having lost her sister and dad in a Concentration camp.  She was known for working on embroidery as she spoke to audiences. She would hold up the back of the piece she was working on, there were threads of all different colors blurred together and hanging from it.  You couldn’t tell what the picture on the other side was. She would ask her audiences if God granted what we asked for in prayer as she held it up for them to see. “Not always.” she said. “Sometimes He says no. That is because God knows what we do not know.”  Then she would turn the piece over to show the beautiful picture on the other side, the right side.  The side with a view from heaven.

Our world may make no sense to us at all, but one day when we enter the pearly gates, we’ll understand.  We’ll be able to see it from a different perspective. The tangle of threads will come together to form a beautiful picture.  We’ll finally be able to say, “That’s what You were doing God. I had no idea.” Because from this side of heaven, we don’t know.  But one day, we will. We’ll be grateful we put our trust in the One who does know. We’ll be grateful He was the One directing our steps, even if we didn’t understand where they were taking us.  One day, we’ll know.

“Therefore, we may boldly say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?’” Hebrews 13:6 CSB

I can honestly say, I struggle with a fear of people.  It comes from being hurt. It is one of the hardest fears I have to overcome.  I’ve had people who I thought were my friends betray me. When I was single and dating, I was lied too, cheated on, used and abused.  It wasn’t fun. When you have placed your trust in someone and they abuse it, it leaves a mark that is deep. It can’t be seen from the outside, but it is definitely felt on the inside.  What’s even sadder, I’m sure I have hurt people. I’ve disappointed them by not living up to their expectations of me. That is the humanity in all of us, the imperfection we all carry.

But the Lord is my helper, He helps me overcome my fear.  I place my trust in Him, not people. Through Him, I can be a conqueror.  And so can you. When we soak up positive energy, one of the benefits is boldness.  We’ll have the courage to do things we otherwise wouldn’t do. Boldness, defined by Webster’s 1828 dictionary is defined as freedom from bashfulness, excess freedom.

Whistler’s Mother is a famous portrait you’ve probably seen.  It was painted in 1871 by James Whistler, his mother the model.  She is sitting in her long black dress, looking straight ahead. It’s left to the viewer to decide what this mother is thinking about.  According to an article in the New Yorker, it is the most important American work that resides outside of the U.S. in France. It’s painter, James Whistler was not bashful about his talent.  He knew he was good. At one point he lost a shipment of blank canvases. When he was asked if they were valuable, his response was, “Not yet, not yet.”

We can be like James, we can have confidence in our worth with Jesus.  We can overcome any fear we have, even fear of people. And we can do it boldly.  Our lives are the blank canvases, as God begins to work in us, as we look to Him for help our boldness will increase. As you live out your life the painting will begin to merge into a beautiful portrait.  Each new day is a blank canvas God has given you. You can paint it however you want too, being confident of its value. You too can say, “Not yet, not yet

“How lovely is Your dwelling place, Lord of Armies.  I long and yearn for the courts of the Lord; my heart and flesh cry out for the living God.”  Psalm 84:1-2 CSB

If you’re going to soak up positive energy, it has to be from the right source in the right place.  The source for the best positive energy will always be God. The best place is where ever He is, which thankfully is everywhere.  God can be found anywhere if you just look for Him.

I was studying for my class when I came upon this sermon illustration from Chuck Swindoll, a renowned pastor:

It was after WWII had ended.  There were a lot of orphans in the streets of London.  An American soldier, driving a jeep, rounded a corner to see a young orphan boy with his nose pressed against the window of the shop.  The soldier realized it was a bakery, feeling compassion for the boy, he stopped his jeep. He went inside and bought a dozen donuts, then walked out and promptly handed them to the boy.  As he turned to leave, the boy tugged on his jacket. He turned around to hear the boy ask, “Mister…are you God?”

This touching story reminds us that we are  God in the flesh to others. We can soak up positive energy from the people we surround ourselves with each day.  Or it can be negative if you surround yourself with negative people. Ideally, you have both in your life. Those from whom you soak up energy and those whom you give energy too.  It can be the same person at different stages of life. There are times when my husband is where I get my positive energy from and other times when he needs it from me. We are God’s image bearers:

“God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27 NIV

If we’re going to soak up positive vibes from God, one way we do that is through His people.  People who are God in the flesh to us. People, who like you are seeking after God, trying to know Him better, building a relationship with Him that will put them on a firm foundation.  You can’t help but overflow God to others when you’re seeking Him yourself. When we are bearing God’s image, we notice others in need. When we are bearing God’s image, we’ll stop what we’re doing to buy the donuts

“My heart says this about you: “Seek his face.” Lord, I will seek your face.” Psalm 27:8 CSB

Is there anything better than a day at the beach?  The sound of the waves crashing against the shore is a hypnotic sound that just calls for relaxation.  The breeze coming off the water has a slight chill which cools the skin as it rolls over it, counteracting the heat of the sun on your skin.  It lulls you into a false sense of security as your skin starts to take on a tinge of red. The muffled conversation of the people around you add an element of security that you aren’t alone.  It truly is a medication for the soul like no other in my humble opinion. The hours fall away silently as you soak in the rays of the sunshine, the saltiness of the breeze and melody of the waves.

There’s a reason they call it soaking it all in, there isn’t a single one of your senses that isn’t used.  Your eyes squint at the brightness of the sun. Your ears listen to the pounding of the waves. Your feet feel the sand beneath their toes, while the smell of the salt water invades your nostrils.  You can taste it all on your lips as it combines in the air and settles upon them, slightly salty with a bit of sand.

It takes all five senses to soak in the positive energy of the beach, it’s effortless and energizing at the same time.  When we learn to soak up the Son, it’s even more powerful. God uses all of our senses to interact with us. It is Him that makes the beach. All of the good feels we get from it are from Him.  We’re soaking up His blessings as we dip our toes in the sand, letting the cares of the world fall away from us.

Sam Goins, pastor of James City Community Church taught me this phrase:  “Keep the Son in your eyes.” It has become one of my favorite phrases in the world.  I use it often with others, even more so with myself. I have to keep the Son in my eyes in order to soak up everything He has for me.  It’s easy to lose sight of Him, there are plenty of distractions. But when I’m sitting in the sun at the beach, I can’t help but think of the Son.  In those quiet moments, I feel His presence like at no other time. It’s easy to thank Him for the blessings of life in those moments, when I’m soaking up the Son.

“One with many friends may be harmed, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24

There seems to be this false belief in our culture that we have to have a lot of friends.  But that isn’t true, we have to the right friends. The friends that will be there for you in the middle of the night.  It’s the small group of people in your life that know you best. The people who invest in you and you in them. If you don’t have a small group, you need one.  A great place to find one is your local church.

Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Church in California, lost his youngest son to suicide five days after Easter in 2015.  In a poignant article titled “My Son’s Suicide and God’s Garden of Grace” he describes the days leading up to the event, the  event itself and the aftermath. It struck me that within 30 minutes of discovering what had happened his small group were there with him and his wife.  They spent the night with them at their house. He said, “The deeper the pain, the fewer words needed.” His small group knew that truth, they didn’t come with words, they came with hugs and companionship.  That is the type of friendships we need to develop in our lives.

Dark days will come for all of us, God tells us this in His word: “I have told you these things so you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 NIV). I wish this wasn’t a truth of life, but it is.  The choice is who you will have to help you through them.

Rick Warren knew who sticks closer than a brother.  It’s Jesus. He goes on to tell in the article how he took a four month grief sabbatical.  During that time, he spent it with Jesus. His words describe that period of time best:

“You can’t spend four months alone in reflection, in the Bible, with scripture and with Jesus and it not change you, deepen you and sensitise you to the pain of other people.”

If we are to find purpose in our pain, we need Jesus to show us the way.  He gives us friends here on earth to help us through the dark days. He is the one whose opinion we should seek over all others.  He sticks closer than a brother

“The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20 CSB

Everyone succumbs to “pier” pressure.  Have you ever looked up because you saw someone else looking up?  Or walk into an elevator and faced the opposite direction of everyone else?  We do it without realizing we even do it. “Pier” pressure affects us whether we realize it or not.

This morning my husband and I went to breakfast. We’re camping, I had on what I call “saucies”, a term my friend Amy introduced me too.  It means comfy clothes. In this case, it was a pair of cut off sweatpants, one of my husband’s t-shirts from a tennis tournament he ran, and a bandanna pulling my hair back.  I also had on my favorite pair of flip flops with cute little flowers on them. What I find comfortable was cause for concern for a lady we encountered. She had come in while we were eating, dressed very conservatively in capris and t-shirt with a sweater tied around her neck.  Hair was done, light makeup. A casual relaxed look. She did not approve of my outfit. I have never so blatantly received such visual condemnation. As we were walking up to pay, she stared me down. I tried smiling at her twice, I couldn’t understand why she was staring at me so intently, making direct eye contact.  Then she did it, the tell tale sign of being judged. She did the up and down look. She slowly let her eyes roll down my entire body, then back up again, meeting my eyes once more. It was very clear, she did not approve of my outfit.

Thank God for my Aunt Margie.  My mother’s older sister and best friend.  It was from her my mother and I learned this saying, “If you don’t owe them money, you don’t have to care what they think about you.”  I’m very grateful to say, I don’t owe that woman a cent of money and I could care less what she thinks of me. But it still hurt on some level.  She doesn’t even know me, why does making me feel bad about myself make her feel better? I don’t understand that at all. More than likely, it has more to do with her perception of herself than it does me.  With a look, she was trying to spread negativity. I know it was negativity because I could not get the woman to smile, and I did try.

Why do we judge others so quickly?  Why does outward appearance mean so much to us?  It didn’t mean much to Jesus. Jesus cared about our hearts, where our treasure is there our heart will be too (Matthew 6:21 NIV).  When we become to concerned about our outward image, that is where our heart will be. If that is the case, it is on a very shaky foundation.  Looks are deceiving, they can be lost very easily, and they never tell the whole story. The lady who judged me so quickly by my outward appearance this morning has no idea who I am, what my heart is about or what God is doing in my life.  But I do, and that is what matters most.

Let them think what they want to think.  Keep your heart focused on God. His opinion is the one that matters

“You are to labor six days but you must rest on the seventh day; you must even rest during plowing and harvest times.” Exodus 34:21

Chick Fil A has 51 consecutive years of sales growth.  The chicken chain is known for being closed on Sundays, yet last year they reported over 10 billion dollars in revenue.  They rank 4th out of a 100 companies for their corporate reputation. It is on track to become the third largest restaurant chain by the end of the year. And it’s only open 6 days a week. They are out ranking their competitors and they are open 52 less days a year.  That, my friends, is evidence of their devotion to God. That is His blessing on their efforts. I’m by no means saying they are perfect. Just like no church is perfect, neither is a company. I do believe we find blessings when we are obedient to God’s word.

This particular commandment gets very little discussion.  Taking Sunday’s off seems ridiculous in today’s culture. Yet it is one of the top 10.  It’s there for a reason. God knows we need rest. An article by Rhett Power titled, “A Day of Rest: 12 Scientific Reasons it Works” highlights a few of them.  Rest reduces stress, reduces inflammation around your heart, helps you sleep better, strengthens your immune system and literally adds years to your life. It can even help you love your job!   The subtitle of the article is: “Most Major Religions Call for a Day of Rest…Science Agrees.” As usual, the scientists of the world couldn’t take God at face value. That’s ok, His word can handle the scrutiny.  

Scientists aren’t the only ones who have a hard time believing God’s word, so do His followers.  Did you know there used to be such a thing as Blue Laws? It meant that stores couldn’t be open on Sunday’s, they were designed to keep Sunday’s sacred.  In Virginia, where I live, they were in effect until 1988. When I first moved here in the early 90’s some still abided by it. Not anymore, there are very few companies that observe Sunday’s as a Holy day to be set apart.  If Chick Fil A is anything to gauge it by, they all should. And so should we. I understand some people aren’t able to take Sunday’s off, or any day at this stage in life. God willing, one day they will. Even if that’s the case, try and find time to rest in some way.  It really will benefit you in more than 1 one way, but you’ll never know until you try.

“I know both how to make do with little, and I know how to make do with a lot.  In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content, whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need.”  Philippians 4:12 CSB

When I think of someone who epitomizes contentment to me, I always think of my sister-in-law Jill.  We met when I was in highschool when she started dating my brother. They were married two years later, through the ups and downs of life, they are still going strong.  Her ability to be content has always baffled me. From the apartment they first lived in, to the house they are in now, I’ve watched her be content. And she was married to my brother, how in the world could she find contentment with him?  It has always amazed me. When I think of contentment, I think of her.

It doesn’t take much for Jill to be content.  She has always been thankful for what she has, no matter if it’s ramen noodles or a steak, she is thankful.  That is the key to her contentment. I’ve studied her for years to figure this out, the annoying little sister I am to her.  Give her a good book, a reese’s peanut butter cup and a comfortable couch, she’s in heaven. Put her on a beach instead of a couch, even more so.  Those are the things that make her happiest in life, when she has a chance to enjoy them, she does. She isn’t worried about what everyone else is doing, she’s not comparing herself to others, she’s just thankful for what she has.

The three lessons I’ve learned from Jill: don’t worry about what everyone else is doing, don’t play the comparison game, be thankful right where you are.  Jill has mastered these in her life. She recognizes she can’t control what others are doing or saying, so why worry about it? It’s a waste of time. She knows that comparing yourself to others gets you nowhere.  That most of what you see on Social Media isn’t true, it’s only what people want you to see. It’s the story they want to tell, but it doesn’t mean it’s telling the whole truth. Jill understands that. And she is always thankful right where she is.

Jill’s son was my nephew Cody.  Him and his sister are the two most precious gifts Jill and Matt ever gave me.  When Cody died just shy of his 21st birthday, I will never forget Jill thanking God for the time He had given us with him.  How grateful she was to have him at all. We talk about it often. Even though the pain of losing Cody has been, at times, unbearable, it is worth it for every minute we got to have him in our lives.  Even in the worst of circumstances, Jill thanked God. I will never forget that.

Learn to be content.  Stop worrying about what others are thinking or doing.  Don’t waste time comparing yourself to others, you are a Masterpiece of God’s. And be thankful for what you do have.  If you do, you’ll be on the path to contentment.

“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.“. Psalm 103:13

My Dad died when I was young, but there is one thing he taught me that has been a reigning rule in my life.  He used to always tell us, “Do it right the first time, then you don’t have to do it again.” Those words have proved to be so true in my life.  Truly words to live by. There is hardly anything I do that this one phrase doesn’t cross my mind at some point. It always takes me back to our garage in Tidal, PA.  I can remember cleaning out the garage with him, it always had to be immaculate. Because if you do it right once, you won’t have to do it again.

This one piece of advice has helped me drown out pier pressure in my life. It goes hand in hand with what God calls us to do:

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,” Colossians 3:23 NIV

Every week, when I pray over my calendar, at the very end, I give it all back to God.  I pray a simple prayer. Lord don’t let me miss any Divine appointments, assignments or tasks this week.  I want all you have for me Lord. I want to do it to the best of my ability for Your glory. I want to do it right the first time.  This week, this year, this life will only come once. Let me do it right, let me experience all you have for me from it, let me do it for You.

There is only one way to do it right the first time with God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, Jesus in us.  Paul tells us in Acts, we will receive power in the Holy Spirit (Acts 1:8). You can see the results of His power in our lives by the fruits that we bare.  The love we share, the self-control we exhibit, the gentleness we show. When we have patience with the people around us, when we show kindness and goodness to them, we are doing it right.  We are working for the Lord with all of heart. When we have joy in the midst of despair, peace in the midst of turmoil, faithfulness in the midst of hopelessness, we’re doing it right. And when we do those things with the people we love, we’re building the Kingdom.  We’re doing it right the first time.

Drown out pier pressure, listen only to the One who can give you what you need, when you need it.  Do it right the first time

“Lord, my every desire is in front of you; my sighing is not hidden from you.”  Psalm: 38:9 CSB

Sighing is one of my favorite ways to pray.  It fills in for me when I literally don’t have words, when I don’t know what to pray.  Faced with what seems insurmountable situations, where there seems no end in sight, a sigh can be the best form of expression.

My mother sighed all the time.  As a widower left with three teenagers, she had a lot to sigh about.  All of us handled our grief differently, all of us in different self-destructive modes.  And my Mom couldn’t control any of it. When I would come home with another “problem” her first response was always a sigh.  At the time, I didn’t think of it as a form of prayer, but now I do. Sighing is simply taking a deep, long breath. It’s letting air in when something takes your breath away: an event, a thought, a moment.  

I began to think of sighing as a form of prayer when one of my best friend’s moved to South Carolina to plant a church.  We would talk about this verse a lot in the days leading up to her departure. We had grown so close in the years the Lord had given us together, the thought of not being in each other’s daily life was overwhelming.  As the day grew close to their departure, the sighs grew more frequent. We knew God was leading them to plant the church. We knew the separation was necessary in order for it to come to fruition, but it was still hard letting go of what we had.  It was still hard dealing with the change it was bringing about in both of our lives. There weren’t words to describe it, but there were sighs that seemed to say it all.

“Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27 NIV

Sighing is a form of groaning.  God understands us, even when we don’t have words.  Just as a mother can hear the whimperings of her child, God hears ours through our sighs.  When we don’t have words, we don’t need them. We can sigh and know, God understands the groanings of our heart.  Try it next time you don’t know what to do. Take a deep breath, then let it go in a long, life-giving sigh. He’ll understand exactly what you are saying, as well as what you need.