Honest Reflections

“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom should I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life, whom should I dread?” Psalm 27:1 CSB

When we were heading into Colorado on my birthday trip, we had to climb a mountain.  We had been driving on flat land for the majority of the trip, but as we came out of New Mexico heading north, we started to climb.  The elevation was 7,634 feet, over a mile and a half high, when we crossed the state line. As we were climbing, we started to come across these roads that looked like they ended.  To me, the road ahead looked like we were driving off the edge of a cliff. I am not lying when I said I was gripped with panic. We were on the interstate, bright, sunny day, blue skies, dry road, the safest driving conditions you could get, yet I’m freaking out.  Out of nowhere, this fear overcame me, I did not want to see what was on the other side of the hill, yet I could do nothing to stop it. I told my husband to slow down, I wanted to enjoy my last few minutes on earth. Do you know what was on the other side of that hill, nothing, just more road.  My irrational fears gripped me, but God shed His light on them and revealed His truth.

Often our fears are irrational, a great article I found by Dr. Samantha Rodman talks about them. According to her, some people know their fears are irrational, like I did with the car ride, others don’t.   The way to combat irrational fears is to think out what would happen if these thoughts came to fruition, and the likelihood they would actually happen.  For instance, I knew the likelihood that we were driving off a cliff was very, very unlikely, yet I still panicked. The next step, according to Dr. Rodman is to face the irrational fear.  I did because I had no other choice, I was a passenger, I wasn’t driving. Just like, when we give our lives to God and trust Him, we’re no longer driving, we’re the passenger. The part Dr. Rodman doesn’t address is the light God shines on our irrational fears.  I also knew in that moment, I asked God that morning, as I do most, to take me where He wants me to go, have me meet who He wants me to meet. If we were driving off the edge of a cliff, that just meant that is where God wanted us to go. My faith in Him has reached that level.  Dr. Rodman’s suggestions, with His peace, equals light on my fears.

We all have irrational fears. But they don’t have to control us, we can overcome them.  If you’re not sure what your irrational fears are, ask God to reveal them to you. Once you identify them, think rationally about the reality and probability of whatever your fear is actually happening.  Then shed God’s light on it as you face whatever fear it is. Ask Him for the strength to face it, ask Him to shed his light on it. When you do, you will be able to climb mountains, scale impossible distances and overcome any fear.

“Therefore we do not give up; even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16 CSB

Tomorrow is my fiftieth birthday, although by the time you read this I’ll already be a month into my new year on earth.  Decade birthdays are always milestones…10th, 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th…they represent a period of time in your life that is easy to identify.   When we turned 10 we hit the “double digits” in age. Our 20’s are the mark of adulthood, by our 30’s we’re starting to reap the benefits or repercussions of our 20’s.  My 40’s were a period of drastic life changes for me in every possible way, I don’t know that it’s true for everyone. I have fear of my fifties because I’m older and wiser.  I know more than ever how life can change in 10 years, but I don’t have to be fearful. God knows our physical bodies will break down, but our spirit never will. He will renew our spirit daily for us if we allow Him.  When our Spirit is strong, it doesn’t matter how weak our outer bodies are, nothing can stop us.

Joni Eareckson Tada always comes to mind when I think of someone who had a body that was frail, but a spirit that is unstoppable.  On July 30, 1967 she dived into the Chesapeake Bay, not realizing it was shallow water. She fractured her spine and was instantly a quadripalegic.  After two years of intense rehabilitation, she was able to write and paint by holding the pen or brush in her teeth. Joni has a faith in Jesus like rarely seen.  She has taken her disability and used it to change the world. She has written over 50 books, a movie has been made about her life and she runs a non-profit, Joni and Friends.  Her non profit is how Joni shares the gospel with others impacted with disabilities.  And she did all of that from a wheelchair, writing with a pen grasped between her teeth.  Joni has not let the accident that so drastically changed her life at 17 keep her from accomplishing God’s will.  Her faith in God is what renews her every day for the battle ahead. And He can do the same for us.

If we’re to face our fears of aging, or our bodies betraying us physically, we have to do it with God.  We have to let Him be the One to renew our spirit in ways only He can. When we let God do the leading, and renewing, we find ourselves on exciting adventures.  I find myself on a vacation of a lifetime, celebrating my birthday in a place I’ve longed to visit. The journey that led me here didn’t start today, or two weeks ago, it’s a journey that has been happening over the course of a lifetime as I chose to place one foot after the other and follow Jesus.  As Paul told the Corinthians so long ago, he says the same to us today. Don’t give up, even though your outer body may fail you, your spirit never will. Each day, God is waiting to renew you and strengthen you for the day ahead. All you have to do is let Him.

“The Lord is for me; I will not be afraid.  What can a mere mortal do to me?” Psalm 118:6 CSB

I found this short story, called Dope on a Rope: Motivation to Overcome Fear when I was looking for an example of overcoming fear:

There once was this criminal who had committed a crime.  He was sent to the king for his punishment. The king told him he had a choice of two punishments.  He could be hung by a rope. Or take what’s behind the big, dark, scary, mysterious iron door. The criminal quickly decided on the rope. As the noose was being slipped on him, he turned to the king and asked: “By the way, out of curiosity, what’s behind that door?”  The king laughed and said: “You know, it’s funny, I offer everyone the same choice, and nearly everyone picks the rope.” “So,” said the criminal, “Tell me. What’s behind the door? I mean, obviously, I won’t tell anyone,” he said, pointing to the noose around his neck.  The king paused then answered: “Freedom, but it seems most people are so afraid of the unknown that they immediately take the rope.”

How true this story is, we go with what we know and are sure of, instead of what we do not know.  Our big, dark, scary, mysterious iron door may be a new job, a new relationship, a new place to live.  People stay in jobs they hate because they are too afraid to look for a new one. People remain in toxic relationships because it’s what they know, they’re afraid of a healthy one because it’s unknown.  People stay in the same place all of their lives, because they are too afraid to explore the world. But these moments in life where fear of the unknown stops us is where faith intersects our lives. When we have faith that God is with us, we can let go of the rope and choose the mystery of the door.  We can open the door with confidence, knowing God is with us, no matter what lies behind it. We can move out of the known into the adventure of the unknown, because even if we fall, God will catch us.  

We’re driving along I-40 in Oklahoma as I’m writing this.  I’ve never been to Oklahoma before. When we left on this trip, I was afraid to be so far from home.  I was afraid of what we would find, the people we would meet, the things that “might” happen to us. I had to capture my thoughts and step out in faith that all would be well.  All is well, God is with me, and Oklahoma is flat. The people are people, just like back home, living their lives day by day, just like everyone else. What “might” happen is life.  Living the life God has given us, one day at a time. Going where He leads us, meeting who He puts in front of us, all of it done without fear, because He is the one driving. If I had grabbed the rope, I wouldn’t be in Oklahoma writing a devotional.  I needed courage to choose the door, God gave it to me. Whatever door you’re in front of today, choose it. Let go of the rope, follow God into the mystery of life.

“The Lord your God is among you, a warrior who saves.  He will be quiet in his love. He will delight in you with singing.”  Zephanian 3:17 CSB

One of the greatest fears I have faced was the loss of Cody.  As I’ve said before, he was like a son to me. When he was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of 7, I had no idea the struggle it would be in his life.  As I learned more about diabetes and its effects on the body, my prayers for Cody became more fervent. I have a friend now who is 41 and has battled diabetes since she was 16.  As she says, she never gets a day off from thinking about it. Neither did Cody. I knew diabetes shortened life spans, I prayed fervently it wouldn’t shorten his. But it did, and I had to face the fear of losing him.

Here is the truth I now know.  I didn’t lose Cody. He is with me in everything I do.  In ways I feel closer to him now than I did before he died. I do miss him terribly.  I miss his hugs, I miss his wit, I miss his smile. I miss the sarcastic way he would say “Aunt Beth” when he was irritated with me. I miss him. But I never lost him, you can’t lose someone who lives in your heart.  My fear of losing Cody was a wasted fear. All of the time I spent worrying about it did nothing to prolong his life. As my therapist says, when it’s your time, it’s your time. As she said, you can be in the middle of a battle, bullets flying all around you and if it’s not your time, you won’t get hit.  On the other hand, you could be sitting at your kitchen table eating dinner and a car could run into the house and kill you (which by the way, did happen in my neighborhood  6 years ago).  When it’s your time, it’s your time and only God knows when that is.  Job, a man who experienced a lot of death puts it this way, “A man’s days are numbered. You know the number of his months. He cannot live longer than the time You have set” (Job 14:5 NLV).  

God was my Warrior as I faced my greatest fear.  He was with me every step of the way. He knew the last time I would see Cody alive, He made sure the hug we shared that day would last until we meet again.  He placed people in mine and my families lives that have carried us through those first few days, as well as the years since. I’ve felt His presence in ways I never would have if Cody hadn’t been called home.  He is your Warrior too. Whatever you are facing, He’s facing it with you. You can say the same thing David said to Goliath: “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.” (1 Samuel 17:45 NIV).  You’re never alone in battle, as impossible as that may be to believe, God is always with you. He is your Warrior, He will fight your fears with You if you let Him. The choice is yours.

“Don’t be afraid little flock, because your Father delights to give you the kingdom.” Luke 12:32 CSB

In the verse that follows the one above, Jesus tells us to “Make money bags for yourselves that won’t grow old, an inexhaustible treasure in heaven” (Luke 12:33 CSB).  According to The Bindery Blog, the average man keeps his wallet for 7 years.  In that period of time, they grow very attached.  I know, with my own husband, he takes his wallets very seriously.  Yet, inevitably wallets wear out and need to be replaced. Men have even been known to have back problems because they sit crooked on their wallets; they sit unbalanced.  But Jesus is talking about a different type of wallet, a spiritual wallet that will never grow old, never wear out, always be available. The money bag Jesus is referring to will never cause us harm, our attachment to it will last forever.  We have nothing to fear because we are storing our treasures in a wallet that won’t let us down, the kingdom of heaven.

We are a flock, we are the sheep, God is the Shepherd.  He so badly wants us to delight in the riches of heaven, even here on earth.  When I think of God’s riches, I think of the peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil. 4:7 NIV).  I think of His wisdom and discernment (Psalm 111:10 NIV). I think about His love, His grace (John 3:16 NIV).  But when we let our fears control us, we miss out on those riches which we can have right now, today. We become so focused on our fear, we can’t see or hear anything else.  In the same way a man gets attached to his wallet, we get attached to our fears. We become comfortable with them, they live with us. We have a pocket we store our fears in and they make us off balance.  As tired as we get of caring our fears with us, like a man parting with an old wallet, we don’t want to let them go. We hold onto them for dear life. Jesus didn’t die on the cross so we would live our lives in fear, He died on the cross so we could have life, and have it to the fullest (John 10:10 NIV).

What fear are you holding on to today that you need to let go?  One just popped into your mind, whatever it is, let it go. Take your fears to God in prayer, tell Him you’re tired of carrying them around.  Ask Him to help you let them go, you don’t have to do it alone. Ask Him for His strength, His power, His riches. Change in the money bag of fear for a money bag of eternal riches that you can start enjoying today, right here on earth.  Let your fears be replaced by God’s peace, His wisdom, His love, His grace. Today is the day your fears no longer keep you off balance, today is the day you find balance in Jesus. All you have to do is follow the Shepherd, no one cares for His flock like He does.

“Don’t fear those who kill the body but are not able to kill the soul; rather fear him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” Matthew 10:28

We are to have one fear, fear of the Lord.  Proverbs 1:7 defines it like this: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge…” (CSB).  We’ve talked about this before, but fear in this sense means reverential awe. In other words, deep respect for God is the beginning of knowledge.  When we have a healthy fear of the Lord, we understand that God is all powerful, all knowing, eternal, there is nothing He can or can’t do. He is our Creator, our Sustainer and our Savior.  God is our all in all, we should understand and respect that. That is the type of fear Solomon means we should have for God. We understand the deep need we have for God and are obedient to what His will is for our lives.  That is the one type of fear we should have, fear of the Lord.

We are not to fear people, people can be easily feared, especially those whose lives are different from ours.  My husband and I visited Nashville recently. I had never been before and didn’t know what to expect. We headed immediately to Broadway where all the music is, a five block area lined with bars, several stories high.  Live music can be heard coming from all levels of the buildings. Music city is a bustling place, full of all kinds of people. What I noticed the most was all of the homeless people sitting on the streets. As soon as we got out of the Uber, I saw a young girl strumming her guitar, filthy, unkempt, her back propped up against the building.  I was shocked, I hadn’t anticipated this and my immediate reaction was fearful. I wanted to get back in the Uber and head back. But I had prayed, God take us where you want us to go, have us meet who you want us to meet. The Lord wanted me to meet that girl. She was the first one we saw, and the last one I gave money too as we left Broadway that evening.  God used our Scatter cards to get me out of my comfort zone.

During our month of Scattering Kindness, I challenged myself to give at least one card a day away.  That simple challenge pushed me in ways I didn’t expect. How could I ask all of you to scatter kindness if I wasn’t doing it myself?  As we walked down the street that day, that was the prevailing thought. I have to lead the way, walking the walk is more important than talking the talk.  The first band we listened too was my first opportunity. I was so afraid to walk up to the stage and tip them with a Scatter card attached, I begged my husband to do it for me.  He refused and forced me to do it. I’m so glad he did. By the time we left Broadway that day, I had given away all of my Scatter cards and all of my money. I had been obedient to God and I came one step closer to overcoming my fear of people.  As I handed that young girl the last money I had, I felt God’s peace. I’d much rather fear Him than people. In Him, I can’t go wrong and neither can you.

“When Jesus overheard what was said, He told the synagogue leader, “Don’t be afraid.  Only believe.” Mark 5:36 CSB

The verse above comes from a time when Jesus was talking to a large crowd.  A guy named Jarius, who was a synagogue leader, came to him and begged Him to heal his sick daughter.  As Jesus goes with him to help, a woman who has been bleeding for 12 years touches His robe and is healed because of her faith in Jesus.  Think what it would be like to have Aunt Flo (a woman’s monthly menstruation) visit for 12 solid years. I know I would be desperate for healing from that agony.  As Jesus stops to address her, telling her “your faith has saved you. Go in peace and be healed” (Mark 5: 34 CSB), people came from Jarius’s house. His daughter had died and they had come to tell him.  Jesus overhears the conversation, that is when He tells Jarius, “Don’t be afraid. Only believe.” He does raise the daughter back to life and Jarius faith grows even stronger.  The entire story can be found in Mark 5:21-43.

Jarius and the bleeding woman were both filled with fear for two very different reasons.  But they had faith in the love of Jesus. Both of them trusted Him to fix their problems, both of them trusted Him to help them overcome their fears.  There is a song I love to listen too, especially when I am facing a fear. “Stand in His Love,” by Bethel Music helps me remember Jesus’ love is stronger than any of my fears:

When darkness tries to roll over my bones

When sorrow comes to steal the joy I own

When brokenness and pain is all I know

Oh, I won’t be shaken, no, I won’t be shaken

My fear doesn’t stand a chance

When I stand in Your love (Chorus)

Shame no longer has a place to hide

I am not a captive to the lies

I’m not afraid to leave my past behind

Oh, I won’t be shaken, no, I won’t be shaken!

My fear doesn’t stand a chance

When I stand in Your love (Chorus)

Jarius and the bleeding woman could relate to these lyrics.  Jarius was filled with sorrow as he faced his daughters death.  The poor woman bleeding was filled with shame, brokenness and pain.  But they knew Whose love to stand in and they were saved from their agony.  We can do the same today. Whatever fear you’re facing, stand in Jesus love, there your fear doesn’t stand a chance.  If you would like to listen to the song, you can do that here.  I’ve been known at times, when I’m gripped with fear to listen to this over and over again until I find the peace only Jesus can give.  You can do the same today, knowing Jesus’ love can overcome any fear!

“For I am the Lord your God, who holds your right hand, who says to you, “Do not fear, I will help you.”  Isaiah 41:13 CSB

God is holding our hand and telling us to not be afraid, He’s going to help.  Too often though, we underestimate Him. As I write this, I’m sitting at the top of a mountain, literally.  I’m 26,265 ft up in the air, equivalent to a half mile. When I look around, all I see is mountaintops. The air is clear, the fog has lifted and I can hear the sounds of traffic from the valley below.  Our scripture for this year is Matthew 17:20: “He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you” (NIV).  What God is saying in this verse is that if I have enough faith, I could make the mountains move around me. That seems impossible, but in reality, it’s all about perspective.

Solomon, the wisest man to ever live,  tells us in Proverbs we are to “stay on the safe path” (Proverbs 4:26 NLT).  The safe path is the one God leads you on, wherever it may be. The path isn’t boring, it’s the exact opposite, it is filled with mountains to climb and valleys to endure.  As Mark Batterson loves to say, “Playing it safe is risky.” Because I’m following the path the Lord is leading me on, I’m sitting on a mountaintop. Yesterday, as we climbed this mountain, my husband was so anxious he snapped at me, completely unlike him.  His actions indicated to me how nervous he was. I prayed silently as we climbed the mountain, when the truck seemed to struggle, I prayed a little harder. I thought, Lord, this is a small mountain, if we can’t do this, how are we going to do the rest of the trip?  But God reminded me, He’s the maker of the mountains, He’s the leader of our path. Where God guides, He provides. He’ll get us where He wants us to go, He’ll move the mountains or carry us up them, either way, we’ll get there. I had to be reminded to keep my eyes on Him and let Him lead the way.

The reason we don’t think God can move mountains is because we focus on the wrong thing. We have the wrong perspective. Instead of focusing on how big our God is, we focus on how big the mountain is we’re trying to climb.  We forget that God can move the mountains, climb the mountains, do whatever He wants with the mountains, because He created them. If He wants to move them, He will. More often though, He wants us to climb the mountain. He wants us to face our fears.  He wants us to get to the top so we can overcome our fears and find the freedom He desires us to have. But we can’t do it if we take our eyes off of Him, and forget He’s holding our hand. He’ll drag you to the top if He has to, but He’ll get you there.  He doesn’t give up and neither should we.

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me and rescued me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4 CSB

It is not a coincidence that as I begin to write about fear for the month of October I am facing one of my greatest ones.  Fear of the unknown. Since I have been writing these devotions, I’ve learned quickly whatever the topic is, I’m writing about, God’s got something to teach me.  None of us ever arrive, we always have something new to learn. Yesterday I experienced fear so great, it paralyzed me. Ron and I embarked on a three week road trip in our R.V. for my 50th birthday.   We’ve been planning this trip for over 2 years, ever since Ron turned 50. I honestly never thought the day would come when we would actually do it. Yet yesterday, despite all the odds, at 2:27 p.m. we pulled out of our neighborhood and hit the open road. And I was paralyzed with fear.

As we started driving, I started thinking about all of the things that could go wrong.  From car accidents to roadside robbery, it all ran through my mind. The thought of something happening to someone I love while we’re gone crippled me.  I was overcome with fear in a way I can’t describe, it was petrifying. Thankfully, I’ve been listening to a series by Craig Groeschel, “Anxious for Nothing,” and one of the points he preached on was, “If it’s worth worrying about, it’s worth praying about.”  So I started praying. Every worry, every graphic image that passed through my mind, I started praying. I laid my heart out before the Lord and told Him I was scared. Many times I told Him I was scared, I asked Him to please help me. When it was something specific that was scaring me I lifted it specifically up to the Lord.  I prayed for hours, I prayed through the night. And I woke up this morning at peace. I pray it is a peace that will stay with me for the rest of this trip, but I don’t know if that will be true. But for now I have peace.

Fears are irrational.  Part of the fear I’m dealing with is the result of a car accident I had five years ago.  I have PTSD from the accident. I drove over 50,000 miles a year for 16 years when I worked for Nautica.  In that entire time, I only had one bad car accident, and it created a fear in me of driving that I’m still dealing with today.  Six months later I left that job, one accident in all of those years affected me so deeply I quit. I’ve learned from my therapist, the best way to overcome my PTSD is Exposure Therapy, exposing myself to driving.  I’m hoping and praying by the end of this trip, will have overcome my fear. Time will tell. Facing fears are hard, for all of us. They can cripple us, but when we face them with God, we will overcome. I could have let my fear keep me home, but I trusted God and we’re on the road.  I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I don’t know what fear I will face, but I do know, I’m not alone. God is with me wherever I go, whatever I do. You can know the same, without a doubt. Just call on Him and He will answer. He will rescue you from all your fears.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and sound judgement.” 2 Timothy 1:7 CSB

Fear, in its original form in this verse means “faithless, afraid, coward.”  God didn’t make cowards, He made warriors. The spirit He gave us in not faithless, but faithful.  He didn’t make us afraid, He made us courageous. This verse reinforces it for us, be not afraid, God is with us.  The devil is the one who tries to make us fearful, if we let him, we will be. This month, we’re focusing on our fears.  We’re going to look at scripture that speaks directly to them, we’re going to tell our fears who is really in charge, it’s not them.  God is bigger than any fear we have. When we face our fears with God by our side, we will experience a freedom like we’ve never experienced before.  We will begin to live our lives to the fullest, just as God intended us to do. When we fill ourselves with His Spirit, there is no room for fear.

The definition of darkness is the absence of light.  Fear lives in darkness, the crevices of our soul that have not had light shed on them.  Jesus is the light of the world (John 8:12 NIV). If we’re to shed light on our fears, we’ve got to let Jesus into those dark crevices where they are hiding.  In an article from Brain Tracy, fears are learned, therefore they can be unlearned.  But in order to unlearn fear, it takes self discipline, it takes intentionality, it takes getting back on the horse.  I have a massive fear of heights. I have no idea where this came from, I think from my days as a flight attendant. I didn’t realize I had a fear of heights until my mother and I climbed the steps of the lighthouse in Corolla one summer vacation.  As soon as I came out of the door at the top of the steps I was paralyzed with fear. Yes, my mother had to hold my hand as I clung to the wall and help me get back to the stairs. I still remember the moment so vividly, my mother thought I was nuts.  I believe she told me I was being ridiculous, but I can’t remember her exact words. I do know, I have yet to overcome my fear of heights.  

I will never overcome my fear of heights if I don’t expose myself to heights over and over again. Until I learn, just as my mother said, I’m being ridiculous, I will live in fear.  My fear of heights keeps me from seeing beautiful sights from a vantage point that can only be found when one climbs to the top. I don’t know that I will overcome that fear this month, but I’m willing to try.  Will you join me as we expose the darkness of our fears to the light of Jesus? In Him we will find freedom from our fears, in Him we will find power, we will find love, we will find sound judgement.