Honest Reflections

“Whoever lives with integrity fears the Lord, but the one who is devious in his ways despises Him.”  Proverbs 14:2 CSB

The definition for integrity in Webster’s Dictionary of 1828 includes this phrase: “integrity comprehends the whole moral character, but has a special reference to uprightness in mutual dealings, transfers of property, and agencies for others.”  In other words, someone who walks with integrity is not a snake oil salesman.  Snake Oil was brought into the country by the Chinese when they immigrated here in the mid 1800’s.  The product they brought was actually an effective treatment for arthritis and bursitis. The ointment was made from the oil of the Chinese watersnake.  But then there was Clark Stanley, also known as the “Rattlesnake King.” Because Chinese water snakes are not in America, he made snake oil out of rattlesnakes.  Snake oil made from rattlesnakes did not possess the healing powers of the original oil. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Stanley didn’t even use rattlesnake oil in his potion.  In 1917 the FDA analyzed his product and found the main ingredient to be mineral oil. He was a fraud, who had stolen money from anyone he had sold his product too. And his claim to fame is the originator of the term, “snake oil salesman.”

Clark Stanley did not fear the Lord, his devious way of doing business shows his lack of integrity.  He lied to his customers. He took something that was good and made it bad. But then there is Stanley Tam who started his business in the 1930’s on the verge of bankruptcy, he made God controlling partner of his business. He literally went to an attorney and had legal documents drawn up putting God in charge.  Now in his 90’s he gives millions away each year for the Great Commission. One man walked with integrity, one man did not. One walks with fear of the Lord, the other will forever be known as a fraud. Walking with integrity is especially challenging when money is involved. 

When we were first married and I was adjusting to life with a joint checking account, we developed our budget.  We each get a certain amount we can spend without asking the other. I was at the grocery store buying groceries, when I had this thought.  “Ron will never know if I get an extra $20 back.” I was shocked I would even think such a thing. Ron and I during or premarital counseling were warned about how divisive money can be in a marriage.  I had just had my first real taste of how that division could start so innocently. If I had chosen to take that path, where would it have led me? The lesson has remained with me of how easily any of us can stray, it takes but a moment to change direction.  Gratefully, when you walk with integrity, fearing the Lord, He’ll keep your paths straight.

“You came near whenever I called you; you said, “Do not be afraid.” Lamentations 3:57 CSB

Years ago I had the opportunity to go to the U.S. Open in Flushing Meadows, NY.  By Divine Providence, I ended up watching Roger Federer, arguably the greatest tennis player ever, practice.  Not only did I get to watch him practice, I was close, just yards from him. I watched as he moved onto the court with his team.  I saw as he sat down in the chair closest to the net, opening his newspaper to read. His hitting partner sat behind him; he knew to go to his chair and wait until Roger was ready.  After perusing the paper, Roger folded it, grabbed his racquet and walked to the baseline. As if on que, his hitting partner stood up and walked to the other baseline, not a word was exchanged.  I’ve never forgotten that moment. Everyone knew their roles, they did what the were supposed to do, all in perfect harmony. Our relationship with God can have the same harmony.

When we call on Him, He draws near.  He moves, just as Roger’s hitting partner, exactly where He needs to be.  But He doesn’t move until we call on Him. Often, our fears make us forget our Father.  When we let them rule our thoughts we forget who we have to call on in the midst of the turmoil.  The more we remember to call on Him, the more harmony we will have in our lives. Jesus tells us, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light” (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT). 

The harmony comes from trusting Jesus that His yoke is easy to bear, His burden light.  He’s waiting, just as Roger’s hitting partner, for us to move. He’ll teach us His ways, which are humble and gentle.  We will find rest when we put on His yoke. The more we find harmony with Jesus, the more our relationship will require less words and more motion.  Just as no words were spoken between Roger and his hitting partner, we’ll need less words with God as we know Him better. Each day we seek Him, we’ll move more naturally with Him.  But first we have to move closer. When we move closer to Him, He comes near. And when He is near, we need not be afraid.

“He will not fear bad news; his heart is confident, trusting in the Lord.” Psalm 112:7 CSB

I tried to find what the name of the phobia for fearing bad news is, there isn’t one.  However, in my search, I found the Wiki page with the list of phobias, I was shocked at the things people fear.  Which is why I find it shocking that there isn’t a name for fear of bad news.  All of us have that fear to some extent. This fear comes when the phone rings in the middle of the night.  This fear comes when you don’t want to go to the doctor because you’re afraid of what they might tell you. This fear arises when the school your child attends calls in the middle of the day.  We may not realize we have this fear, but we all have it to some extent. And this fear has the capability of growing if we allow it. After we have received a phone call with bad news, we can become afraid of all phone calls.  Because this bad phone call came in the middle of the day, not the middle of the night. Now you are aware bad things happen all the time. Now you have developed a fear of all phone calls. The fear has grown, but only if you allow it to grow.

Paul, in one of his final letters, wrote to a scared young pastor named Timothy.  He wrote him these words: “For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:6-7).  Paul is telling him, God gave you the Holy Spirit, He has power, use it. He’s telling Timothy, focus on God, not your fears. Whatever Timothy focuses on is what will consume him. We are the same way, if we focus on our fears, they will consume us.  But if we focus on God, our fears won’t control us. They won’t stop us from answering the phone or going to the doctor. We won’t have fear, because our thoughts are focused on God. When our thoughts are focused on God, there is no room for fear.

I fight fear by meditating on a Scripture.  According to Rick Warren, if you know how to worry, you know how to meditate.  Worry is thinking about something over and over again.  Meditating is thinking about a Scripture over and over again.  When I went through a period of time after Cody died when I was afraid to answer the phone, I used today’s Scripture.  When I started to get fearful, I’d just think about this Scripture instead. I shifted my thoughts to God instead of my fear.  I still do it today. And you can too. Try it, next time you are fearful, find a Scripture and think about it instead. You’ll be amazed at the outcome.

“There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment.  So the one who fears is not complete in love.” 1 John 4:18 CSB

Today is my husband’s birthday.  He has helped me overcome more fears than any other person I have ever known, he has done it all with love.  By the time we met, my heart had been broken so many times, I was done. I was done putting my heart back out in the open for people to stomp all over.  And just when I thought I was going to be single forever, I walked onto the third tennis court at Back Creek Park to meet my prince. People didn’t expect Jesus to be born in a barn and laid in a manger.  I didn’t expect my prince to be wearing a white pocket t-shirt and black shorts, but he was. I have never met a man with as soft of a heart as my husband. The men in my family have big personalities, Ron’s is quiet.  He has a tenderness that is all his own, it continues to surprise me. But his quiet love for God, to me, is his most endearing quality. He understands God’s love in a way I don’t, he lives it in a way I aspire too. His heart breaks when anyone feels they aren’t worthy of God’s love, because all are.

The first fear I overcame was sending an email to him.  His response encouraged me to send the next. Each step of our relationship was me overcoming another fear. Each step was a step of faith because I trusted God more than Ron.  I began to give him bits and pieces of my heart, each time overcoming another fear. But also growing in my trust in the Lord. I relied on His love to enable me to love Ron. I trusted God, I knew, even if Ron rejected me, He never would.  I learned the truth of Ecclesiastes 4:12 which says a cord of three strands cannot be broken.  God’s strength, Ron’s tender love, helped me overcome deep seated fears.  Some of the fears I had carried with me since I was a child. Most of them I didn’t even know I had.

My husband is not a perfect man, but his love for me is perfect and drives out fear.  I still have fears, but they are not as many. My fears are less because of the love of God, and the love of my husband.  Whether you’re single or married, God’s love is truly all you need. God’s love guided me onto the tennis court that night.  God’s love helped me have the courage to begin a new relationship. God’s love is what binds us together on the tough days. God’s love is perfect, He will drive out fear if you let Him.  Place your trust in Him.

“I say to you, my friends, don’t fear those who kill the body, and after that can do nothing more.”  Luke 12:4 CSB

Jesus is speaking to a crowd of thousands when we find the passage above.  He’s already warned them to beware of religious hypocrites (Luke 12:1-3 CSB).  Now He is telling them, and us, not to fear people.  People can only harm you to a certain extent. Jesus is telling us who we should really fear. “Fear Him who has authority to throw people into hell after death.  Yes, I say to you, this is the one to fear” (Luke 12:5 CSB).  The verses that follow exemplify how much God loves us. “Aren’t five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God’s sight.  Indeed the hairs of your head are all counted. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows” (Luke 12:6-7 CSB).

As we have progressed through this month of fear, God keeps leading us back to the same place, Him.  There is only one fear we are to have, and that is fear of Him. We have to have ultimate respect for the One who is truly in control of all, God.  But yet we don’t. Yesterday I was texting with friends, getting ready for the retreat. I’m planning on using a trust exercise during my talk. One of my friends responded back, “I have trust issues.”  Without thinking I replied back, “We all do because we humanize God.” I had never thought of this before, but after I sent it, I pondered on it’s truth. I thought of how I humanize God. Because I think of Him as male, and because I have trust issues with men, I sometimes have problems trusting God completely.  Even as far as I have come, I still have so far to go. What human characteristics do you put on God? What trust issues are you projecting on God that He doesn’t deserve? It’s worth time thinking about these things to help you move past them and trust God completely.

Trusting God completely will allow you to have the reverential awe for Him that He deserves.  Trust will help you put Him first over people, because He will never let you down. He will never break your trust.  He will always fight for you, not against you. Whatever your fears are, He is the key to overcoming them. Having a healthy fear of God, according to Jesus, is the only fear we should have.  But first we have to put God first in all things, over all people, trusting His way, even though it’s different from ours. Trusting His ways, not ours, is the way to overcome all other fears.

“But even if you should suffer for righteousness, you are blessed.  Do not fear what they fear or be intimidated but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, ready at any time to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you.”  1 Peter 3:14-15 CSB

The subtitle in one Bible for this section of Scripture says, “Suffering for Good.”  Verse 13 says, “Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good?” But even if people do criticize you for doing good, keep on doing good.  Sometimes we fear doing the right thing because of what people will think. For instance, telling the truth is always the right thing to do, however, telling the truth might not shed the best light on us or a particular circumstance.  We become afraid to tell the truth because of what people will think. Even knowing the truth will set us free, we are afraid to tell it (John 8:31 NIV).

When I was a little girl, my Uncle Tom had a candy store where we lived. His store was a gathering place where the men would go after work to discuss the days activities.  My Dad, being a truck driver, would give me a quarter if I swept his truck out when he got home from work. I loved going to Uncle Tom’s store with him after dinner and spending my money. I honestly can’t remember if it was my little brother or me, we were together and didn’t have any money. We decided to help ourselves to some candy anyway.  We were caught. We had to march into our uncle and tell him what we had done. I was not very old, but I still remember how scared I was to tell my uncle the truth. I was afraid to do the right thing because of the consequences I would suffer. The consequences I suffered was learning a good lesson through the love and grace of my uncle.

Going to church is the right thing to do, yet I’ve been criticized for being a hypocrite.  They’re right, I am a hypocrite, as are they. Reading our Bible is the right thing to do, yet I’ve been made fun of for reading it.  Praying is a necessity in following Jesus, yet I’ve been mocked for praying. We can’t let our fears of being persecuted for doing the right thing, stop us from doing it.  Peter is trying to tell us to not be afraid to do the right thing, and he should know. He denied Jesus three times the night He was captured before He was crucified. Peter denied Jesus because he was afraid to do the right thing and admit he followed Jesus (Luke 22:54 NIV). 

If they do persecute you, all you have to be able to do is tell them why.  Why do you do what you do? Why do you go to church on Sunday? Why do you forgive the person who hurt you?  Why do you love your enemies? Why? Just tell them the truth, because of Jesus. Even if you are afraid, do it anyway.  Give yourself 20 seconds of courage, then just do it.

“Now this is what the Lord says, the One who created you, Jacob, and the One who formed you Israel.  “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by your name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1 CSB

The words “you are mine” at the end of this verse makes my heart soar.  I am His, the Creator of the World, I am His. And so are you when you place your faith in Jesus.  You are His, and He is yours. When we fully comprehend what that statement means, we really will not have any fear.  We will have only joy. I have recently met Audrey Wetherell Johnson, a missionary from England that inadvertently started one of the largest non-denominational Bible studies in the world.  She passed away in 1984 but I’m reading her autobiography. I’m sure you’ll be getting to know her as I do. Shortly after her conversion to following Jesus, she talks about her surprise at life in Christ. She says:

“I knew it would be right; I knew it would be safe; I knew He would be faithful.  His grace was sufficient for all sense of inferiority and any other lack, but I never realized how joyous it would be.”

Audrey spent three years of her life in a Chinese internment camp, yet she calls life with Christ joyous.  She understood what it meant to be His. C.S. Lewis says the same thing, “But I never expected to experience the joy that has come with commitment.”  I have been surprised by the joy in my life from following Jesus.

Joy is found in overcoming our fears, forgiving our enemies, doing the next right thing.  Joy is found one step at a time as we follow God on the path He leads us. Joy is found when we trust God completely. And as C.S. Lewis says, when we commit.  Joy is found in committing our lives to God, one day at a time. Each morning we have the choice, we can follow God, or we can follow the world. Inch by inch, life is a cinch.  Yard by yard, life is hard.

I was joyous when I made the decision to no longer engage in pre-marital sex. I decided to do things God’s way, because my way was not working. The first gentleman I met in church and started dating taught me a lesson.  I assumed because we had met in church He would share my beliefs about sex. I was naive. When he finally realized I meant what I said, he informed me that all of these other women were sleeping with him, he could not understand why I would not. Because I chose Jesus over him, that’s why not.  And I was joyous, because for the first time in my life, I didn’t make the same mistake I had made before. I was joyous. But first I had to trust and believe that I was His. In Him I found joy, and so can you. You are His

“Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it would leave me.”  2 Corinthians 12:8 CSB

Have you ever pleaded with the Lord to take something away from you?  I feel like I’m constantly praying that prayer. Lord, take this uncomfortable situation away.  Lord take the pain away. I feel like I’m always asking Him to take away anything that makes me uncomfortable.  Paul is asking the same thing in the verse above. He’s asking God to remove a “thorn in his flesh” given to him by a “messenger of Satan to torment” him so that he would not “exalt” himself (2 Corinthians 12:7 CSB).  People have speculated for years what exactly the thorn in Paul’s side is, no one really knows.  Whatever the thorn is, from Paul’s perspective, it is an attack from Satan. The devil is trying to stop Paul in his tracks. Paul begs God to remove it from him, God replies simply.  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9 CSB). 

God says the same thing to us He says to Paul; My grace is sufficient for you, My power is perfected in your weakness.  I was asked by a dear friend whose loved one is suffering with a painful cancer this question. “Why does God allow suffering?”  She struggles watching this person she loves suffer in physical pain. I answered with as much love as I could, “We’re all suffering, some suffering you can see, but most suffering, you cannot see.”  I have watched several family members die from cancer; I’ve been there when they took their last breath. I remember the dark black and blue circle in the middle of my father’s back from the radiation for his lung cancer.  I’ve seen the suffering cancer brings, I knew when I answered her, what kind of suffering she is witnessing. Recently, another friend’s son made the decision to end his life. He was suffering just as badly on the inside, but no one could see it.  Lately, as I’m going about life, I’m trying to be intentional about noticing the people around me. I’m looking around at the stoplight, trying to meet people’s eyes and smile when I walk past. I’m working on being nicer. What I have started to realize is how many people are in pain.  I’m beginning to see how many people are suffering. Suffering can be seen in the eyes, and we are all suffering some how, some way. But no matter what suffering you are enduring, God’s grace is sufficient. His power will be your strength in the weakness.

We must follow Paul’s example to receive God’s grace.  We must take our sufferings to the Lord, whatever they may be.  We must lay them at the foot of the cross, trusting that God will get us through.  No matter where the attack is coming from, no matter what type of situation it is, God is waiting.  He has an answer, and the answer is grace.

“Therefore, my dear friends, just as you have always obeyed, so now, not only in my presence but even more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.  For it is God who is working in you both to will and to work according to His purpose.” Phil. 2:12-13 CSB

I do not miss the fact that yesterday I sat in church and listened to an entire sermon on these two verses.  Today, when I reached in my “Fear Not Challenge” bag for a verse, this was the verse I pulled out of it.  According to these verses, God is in control and we are to obey Him. The “fear and trembling” part refers back to what we talked about in yesterday’s devotional, our natural sin nature which wars with what God wants for us.  People within the church debate these verses from a lot of different perspectives, but there is one thing they all agree on, Jesus’s death and resurrection. When we focus on what Jesus has done for us, we can all meet together at the foot of the cross in gratitude.  Consistency in our walk with God is how we work it out. Consistently, day after day, seeking Him, spending time with Him, getting to know Him a little better will allow Him to do His work in us. 

Consistently working out at the gym gives people buff muscles.  Weightlifters who are buff didn’t start out that way. They all started somewhere.  They lifted their first weight, ran their first mile, did their first push-up. What makes them buff is their consistency.  They consistently go to the gym and lift more weights, run more miles and do more push ups. As a result they have defined muscles and six pack abs.  Consistency is key to becoming buff physically AND spiritually. Consistently choosing Jesus every morning is the start. Consistently reading the Bible, spending time with others, and praying will work out spiritual muscles. When we work out our spiritual muscles each day, God will do His part and we will find the life He intended for us.  What God did not intend for us is to live a life of fear. He tells us over and over again in scripture, “Do not Fear, I am with you” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV).  Yet we continue to live lives filled with fears.

We can apply consistency to our fears as well.  Each day, when we choose Jesus, we can give them to Him.  Whatever fear we’re facing, whatever giant we’re trying to overcome, we can give it to Jesus. We can let Him take care of it for us so fear won’t steal another moment of our joy.  We can consistently say, “Jesus, I trust you to overcome my fears” (Phil. 4:6 NIV).

“The Lord removed your punishment; He has turned back your enemy.  The King of Israel, the Lord is among you; and you need no longer fear harm.” Zephaniah 3:15 CSB

In a recent Sunday morning sermon, the pastor defined sanctification as the daily choice to follow Jesus, consistently, day after day. He focused on  song lyrics from “Come Thou Fount (I Will Sing)” by Chris Tomlin:

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it

Prone to leave the God I love

Here’s my heart Lord, take and seal it

Seal it for Thy courts above

During the sermon, the pastor made this point, “We need to have an appropriate fear of our own ability to sin.” His words reminded me of the straight and narrow path we are to walk (Mat. 7:14 NIV)  I remembered my days of riding my bike to work.  I lived five miles from my job, at the time. When I worked during the day I would ride my bike along a two lane road which was narrow.  On each side of the road there was a narrow gap between the edge of the road and the white line marking the side of the road. This small little pathway is where I would try to keep my bike tire.  Every now and then I would swerve out of it for a passing car or debris, etc. As quickly as I could, I would get back in my little lane. Every time I swerved out of it, I would think about the straight and narrow path.  I came to understand I’m incapable of staying on the narrow path all the time. The key isn’t to expect perfection, the key is to expect imperfection. When those imperfect moments happen, when the potholes of life hit you, don’t give up.  Instead get back on the path as quickly as possible. Jesus knows we are all going to continue to sin, even after we have started a relationship with Him. Jesus doesn’t expect us to be perfect, He just expects us to keep finding our way back to Him.

We find our way back to Him by confessing our sins.  Complete honesty can be difficult. I’m a WW member.  After my recent vacation I was on the verge of quitting.  I have 2 WW buddies who are my support system. I knew I had to tell them I wanted to quit,  I really thought they’d be on board. They were not. In fact, we all confessed that none of us had truly been following the program.  We hadn’t tracked everything we ate, none of us had. Tracking is a form of confession, it’s confessing the bag of M&M’s I ate, the glass of wine I drank, or the piece (or two) of birthday cake I enjoyed.  I love food, and I hate to have to track everything. Inevitably, what happens when I honestly track, I don’t eat as much. I’m conscious of my actions. I begin to realize how much I can consume if I’m not accountable.  Sin in our lives works the same way. Until we truly confess it, we can’t overcome it. We can’t see the effect sin is having in our lives, how it’s stopping us from living life to the fullest, until we become honest. Just like I have more energy the less weight I’m carrying on my bones, confessing sin lightens the load of our soul and draws us closer to God.