Honest Reflections

“Plans are established by seeking advice;  so if you wage war, obtain guidance.” (Proverbs 20:18 NIV)

Ask for advice.  

The best decisions are made when you ask for advice.  In today’s world, the internet connects us in ways we’ve never experienced.  We can seek advice from experts without ever leaving our home.  Sometimes, the ones with the best advice are not who you think.  

Recently I purchased an action camera for my tennis classes. First I asked the highschool students in the class, “Which camera should I buy?”  They immediately had a recommendation.  Kids know more about technology than most adults.  Their advice was good.  After researching their suggestions, I sought more advice for my final decision.  Watching YouTube videos of people who actually used my final choices helped.  As a result of seeking advice, I bought a great camera at a fraction of the cost because the next generation is about to emerge.

A good decision made by seeking advice from the people who know.

Consider the source.

When asking for advice, consider the source.  Who you go to for advice is as important as the advice you receive.  When I was single, I learned quickly, my single friends didn’t necessarily give the best advice for the type of relationship I hoped to find.  My married friends gave much better advice.  My desire was marriage, single women who have never been married don’t know what marriage is like.

Don’t ask a mechanic how to do heart surgery.  Don’t ask a heart surgeon how to fix a car.  Go to the right person to receive the right answer.  God always has the right answer:

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:21 NIV)

God is always the best source for advice.  When we are making a decision, start with God.  Ask Him, “Which way should I go?”  He’ll tell you, either right or left.  He’ll nudge you in the right direction, towards the right person, who can help you make a good decision.

I have a personal “Board of Directors” in my life.  Friends I’ve met along this journey.  Some I’ve known a lifetime.  When I’m seeking advice, they are where I start.  The depth of our relationships results in a trust that only comes from time.  We’ve travelled the dusty road of life long enough to know, we have each other’s back.  Often, I don’t hear what I want to hear.  But I know whatever “it” is, I need to hear it.

Start with God.  Build a network of friends you can trust.  Seek advice, you’ll know the right decision to make.

Question of the Day:

What kind of advice do you need today?

Further Reading: 2 Chronicles 32-33 NIV, Romans 15:23-16:9 NIV, Psalm 25:16-22 NIV, Proverbs 20:16-18 NIV

“Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up.” (Romans 15:2 NIV)

If you don’t know how to help your neighbor, ask.

People are afraid to follow God because of what He will ask them to do.  They don’t want to go to Africa and become missionaries.  God only knows where a life lived following Him will take you.  Maybe God will call you to Africa to serve, but more than likely He won’t.  

What God does want you to do if you follow Him, is love your neighbor.

Love your neighbor.

Jesus left us with two tasks in the Great Commandment:  Love God, love others. He didn’t say move to Africa.  He said love the person sitting next to you.  His command is simple.  Start right where you are.

COVID has brought neighbors together.  In a time where church services were completely shut down, people grew where they were planted.  In my neighborhood, we check on each other regularly.  When my elderly neighbor’s battery died in her car, we all helped get her back on the road. Check-in texts became a regular habit.  We stopped taking each other for granted and hunkered down together to weather the storm.  We loved the people sitting next to us.  Our friendships deepened, our neighborhood thrived in the midst of chaos.

Just like in all relationships, we need to forgive our neighbor. Forgive them when they leave their trash can out for two days.  Forgive them when their dog barks too loud, or their music is too high.  Forgive them when they don’t say “Hello,” on the way in the door.  Whatever offense they have committed, forgive them.

Neighbors are like family.  You can pick your neighbors to a certain extent.  But a lot of times, you can’t.  We have to learn to love them.  We have to accept the things that irritate us. We must find a way to live at peace with them:

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18 NIV)

Living at peace with our neighbors means something different to everyone.  We promote peace when we get to know those living closest to us.  Diverse neighbors lead to diverse friendships. We learn from each other.  We look out for each other.  We live at peace with each other, respecting boundaries.  In doing so, we create a community where people want to live.  

Loving God and loving our neighbors will grow your faith faster than any other way.  You will begin to connect the dots of His presence in your lives.  As you build up your neighbors, you will build your faith.  You don’t have to go to Africa.  You just have to love your neighbor.

Question of the Day:

What neighbor can you love today?

Further Reading:2 Chronicles 30-31 NIV, Romans 15:1-22 NIV, Psalm 25:1-15 NIV, Proverbs 20:13-15 NIV

“One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.” (Romans 14:2 NIV) 

Focus on what you do have instead of what you don’t have.  Comparing yourself to others is focusing on what you don’t have.

When I was single, I compared my life to my married friends’ lives.  Jealousy is an ugly emotion.  Married friends, from my single perspective, had life easy.  Two incomes, someone to hold them every night, someone to tell them life is ok.  Who wouldn’t want marriage?  Getting married taught me a lesson.  Marriage has problems too. What I thought marriage was and what it is are two very different things.  I was jealous of something that didn’t exist.  No one’s life is perfect.  No one.

No one’s life is perfect.  No one.

John Travolta recently lost his wife Kelly Preston to breast cancer.  From a spectator’s perspective, my heart aches for the tragedy he has endured.  They lost their son at 19 from a seizure. Their beautiful love story tells the truth of life.  Money and success can’t stop heartbreak for anyone.  Life happens whether we want it too or not.  What we can do is embrace each day God gives us.  

The best way to embrace the day is to start by thanking God:

“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24 NIV)

God made this day.  His breath is what allows you to breathe. He woke you up this morning, He’ll give you the energy you need for the day ahead. Having a roof over your head, running water and electricity, is a privilege.  60% of the people in the world today do not have clean water.  Living in America, you have freedoms no one else in the world has.  We are land of the free, home of the brave because of God.  He led our forefathers, they led our country.  

No matter what you thank God for this morning, start somewhere.  When we are thanking God for our blessings, we’re focusing on what we do have instead of what we don’t have.  As we begin to thank Him, the list grows quickly.  Our eyes become more and more focused on the goodness of God.  Let His goodness flow into you.  Let His Spirit fill you.  Bask in the rays of His amazing Son.  

One of my friends was a physical therapist.  In a Bible study we did years ago, she told us about her day.  Working with people who would never walk again made her appreciate she could.  She told us she would walk home from work, praising God for her body parts.  Her arms, her legs, her ability to move, she realized, were all blessings from above.

Focus on what you do have, instead of what you don’t have.

Question of the Day:

What are you focusing on today?

Further Reading: 2 Chronicles 29:1-36 NIV, Romans 14 NIV, Psalm 24 NIV, Proverbs 20:12 NIV

“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.” (Romans 13:8 NIV)

Love’s debt is never paid.  

Each day God gives us, we are to love.  Acts of love are what will carry people through life.  We have no idea how far one act of love travels.  When we love like Jesus, lives change.  Bonds break.  Relationships heal. 

Who are we to love?  Everyone.  How are we to love? Humbly:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Phil. 2:3-4 NIV)

Humble hearts serve others.

Humility is difficult to maintain on our own.  Pride is quick to rear its ugly head.  Recently, I was teaching a 10 and Under tennis class.  My strongest student asked to play a particular game.  “After all,” he said, “I usually win.”  Arguing with him wasn’t an option, he wasn’t wrong.  My only response, “Pride goes before a fall.”  He smiled at my words, admitting he was prideful, but for a reason.  As the game unfolded, he lost.  Every point he played, he lost. Shock was my response, humility was his. God keeps us humble.

Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians gave us specific directions on how to love:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant  or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:3-7 ESV)

Love done right is the bomb. My brother recently celebrated his 33rd wedding anniversary.  His daughter wrote a beautiful tribute to her parents on her Facebook page.  Love done right.  My tennis partner poured her heart into her tennis camps.  In 90 plus heat, she loved the 5-12 year olds she taught to the best of her ability.  When I was at her house recently, she showed me the drawings the kids had done for her.  Her face beamed at the stick figures holding racquets.  Love done right.  My husband’s love and patience with me over our marriage has healed my heart from decades old scars.  Love done right.

But love done right is hard.  Love requires work.  Sick days don’t exist when it comes to love.  For me to love people, I need constant contact with God.  Prayer is our love language.  My tie with Him, helps me pay my debt of love to others.  Without God, love doesn’t exist.  Only through Him can we truly love others.

Loving others is fulfilling the law.

Question of the Day:

Who do you need God’s help loving today?

Further Reading: 2 Chronicles 26-28 NIV, Romans 13:1-14 NIV, Psalm 23 NIV, Proverbs 20:11 NIV

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  (Romans 12:2 NIV)

Don’t conform.  Don’t do what everyone else is doing, just because they’re doing it.  My mother said it this way, “Just because everyone else jumps in a lake, doesn’t mean you have too.”  

Mob mentality is real:

Mob mentality, also called herd mentality, describes how humans adopt behaviors, buy merchandise, and follow trends based on their circle of influence.  It explains how one’s point of view can be easily altered by those around them.

We’re experiencing mob mentality right now with COVID. Fear and panic grips our world.  As I write, numbers are on the rise for the second time.  People’s fright levels rise every time the number of cases rise. Not conforming to the world is not just a daily battle, but a minute-by-minute battle.  Everyone has jumped into the lake of fear, but you don’t have too.  You can let God’s peace flow into your life, no matter what the rest of the world is doing.

Know God, know peace.

Transform your mind by letting God’s word fill it.  Memorizing scripture is key to finding peace in the minute-by-minute battle of life.  Satan is always trying to steal your peace.  But Jesus came to give you life:

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10 NIV)

If you’re going to spend time memorizing scripture, this one is a good place to start:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:6-7 NIV)

Life is short.  Whether you live 10 years or a 100, life is short.  Don’t let fear of the unknown stop you from enjoying the known.  Enjoy the people God has placed around you.  Thank Him they are alive.  Praise Him for allowing You to have their love in your life.  Hug your children and grandchildren.  Everyday is a day that will never be again.  If you let fear lead your life, you will let the days slip away.  You will miss the people God has given you because you’re focused on your fear.  

Live!  Thank God for what you do have.  Lift up your prayer requests to Him.  Let His peace descend upon you as you trust Him.  Live this day.  Enjoy where God has planted you.  Enjoy the people He has planted around you.  Allow God’s peace to help you live life to the fullest; today! 

Know God, know peace.  

Question of the Day:

What is stopping you from experiencing God’s peace?

Further Reading: 2 Chronicles 24-25 NIV, Romans 12:1-21NIV, Psalm 22:19-31NIV, Proverbs 20:8-10 NIV

“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!” (Romans 11:33 NIV)

We waste time trying to understand God.  We never will.  If we accept that fact, we can embrace the unknown.  Instead of fearing the future, we can look forward to it in anticipation of what God will do in our lives.  Letting God’s will unfold in our lives means letting go of what we want. 

Let go, let God!

A few weeks ago during a prayer meeting, we discussed the unexpected.  The pastor talked about how none of us know what the day ahead holds.  This statement comes from a man who was shot five times, his son murdered while finishing a bathroom for a homeless veteran.  Serving the Lord on a Friday morning and tragedy befell them. The first thing he did when he woke up in the hospital was ask for his Bible and books on heaven. He gave that morning to God. I have never known a man of greater faith than my friend Mike.  He let go and let God.  

Each day we have the same choice.  We can choose to hold on to our unanswered questions, or we can accept God’s sovereignty in our lives:

“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.” (Deut. 29:29 NIV)

Mark Batterson, a pastor I follow, introduced me to the “Deut. 29 File.”  In one of his messages, he told how he created this file for unanswered questions.  When something happens in his life he doesn’t understand, he writes it down and puts in the Deut. 29 file.  He knows, just like my friend Mike, he’ll never know the answer until he gets to heaven.  By putting the question in the file, he’s able to let it go and keep going.

Some people have jars for their unanswered questions.  They keep paper and pen handy for times when they don’t know what God is doing.  By writing it down and putting it in the jar, they are letting it go.  The physical action helps let go emotionally.  Personally, I have a journal and  a prayer board I use.  I post my prayers on the board until God answers, one way or another.  

Take time to find your own way to let go and let God.  For one friend, long walks in the woods is her time to talk to God.  For another friend, her art is her connection to God, each stroke releasing more and more to Him.  The ways to let our worries go to God vary greatly, but the connection is always the same: prayer.  Let go, let God!

Question of the Day:

What do you need to let go of today?

Further Reading: 2 Chronicles 21:1-23:21NIV, Romans 11:13-36 NIV, Psalm 22:1-18 NIV, 

Proverbs 20:7 NIV

“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” (Proverbs 20:5 NIV)

Asking the right questions leads to insight.  Everyone has a story to tell.  Every story matters.  The longer we are on earth, the more entangled our stories.  The more entangled our stories, the deeper the waters of our hearts.

My 51st birthday is less than two months away.  I’ve begun to realize, in the past year, how deep the waters of our heart really are.  When I was younger, I would hear stories of people older than me dealing with issues that happened decades ago.  I never understood, until now, why.

Life’s events take time to process.

In June of 2014, I had a major car accident.  My mother passed away in February of that year. My nephew passed away in September.  In October, I was traveling for work, staying in Washington D.C.  The evening I arrived in our nation’s capital, I called home to my husband.  I immediately started interrogating him about his day.  In mid sentence, he stopped me.  He informed me I needed to quit my job.  His words flabbergasted me.  How could I quit my job of 16 years?  He explained why, “You think you’re handling life well, but you’re not.”  He was right, the stress of life was winning the battle with me.  The next day, I called my boss of over a decade and had a long talk.   She understood because she knew what I had been through.  We planned my exit from the company together.  

In the process of healing, I went to counseling.  I learned in those sessions, I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):

Post–traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

My husband’s insight into the deep waters of my heart led me to healing.  The therapist’s insight into the events of my life gave me understanding.  PTSD, in my mind, was a war related condition for soldiers.  Until I entered therapy, I didn’t understand, I could have it too. My mother’s death came after a long battle with cancer. The car accident and my nephew’s death were traumatic events that affected me far deeper than I realized.  My therapist helped me deal with those situations.  She helped me heal because she asked the right questions.

Therapy is a path to self-understanding. Counseling is giving advice.  Understanding the difference between these two terms is essential.  Talking to my best friend and giving her my opinion is advice.  Talking to a therapist leads to self-discovery and healing from our past.

Insight reveals the deep waters of the heart.  Revelation brings truth.  Truth brings healing.

Question of the Day:

Who can help you have insight to the deep waters of your heart?

Further Reading: 2 Chronicles 19-20 NIV,  Romans 10:14-11:12 NIV, Psalm 21 NIV, Proverbs 20:4-6 NIV

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” (Psalm 20:7 NIV)

God is always trustworthy.  People will break your trust.  No one, in their humanness, is completely trustworthy.  Not me, not you, only God.

“Built Ram tough” is a slogan used to sell trucks.  When I read today’s verse, Dodge’s commercial came to mind.   We trust our vehicles.  When we turn on the ignition, we trust they will start.  With the press of a pedal, we’re on our way to wherever.  We have a false sense of security that we are safe in our metal capsule, seatbelt across our body.  But the truth is, car accidents happen everyday.  Chariots falter.  Batteries die, tires blow, gas runs out. Chariots aren’t trustworthy.

A few years ago I was in a car accident.  I was on my way to work just before 6:00 a.m. The car I was driving was a rental.  Working in Fairfax, VA, just outside of Washington, DC traffic was light.  As I  approached the blinking yellow light, I slowed, but didn’t stop completely.  Still dark, I saw no headlights from either direction.  As I entered the middle of the intersection, a taxi cab out of nowhere, ran the red light.  He T-boned the car.  In slow motion, my McDonald’s coffee cup flew forward, splashing hot liquid everywhere.  The airbags deployed as I spun round and round in the intersection.  Everything happened quickly, yet in slow motion.  Neither of our chariots survived the crash.  

God is always trustworthy.

In the midst of losing my chariot, God was with me.  As the car slowed, a passer by was at my door.  He checked me for injuries and helped me to the curb.  The police and ambulance arrived.  My only thought, I want to go home.  I asked the police for a ride to the metro station.  Dazed and confused, I stood on the platform of the subway, not knowing what to do.  A kind business man told me which train to take to Union Station.  I arrived in time to catch the train home.  Three hours after I had been t-boned in an intersection, I was in my husband’s arms, finally on the way to the hospital.  No injuries.  My day’s journey had taken a radically different direction. 

Each of those people were God in the flesh to me.  The kind stranger who helped me out of the car.  The police officers who took me to the subway.  The businessman who helped me find the right train.  God provided angels every step of the way.  My car failed me, but God didn’t.

Life is a journey, God is our tour guide.  We don’t know what the day ahead will bring.  But we know the one who does.  In Him, we can trust.

Question of the Day:

Are you trusting God for the day ahead?

Further Reading:  2 Chronicles 17-18 NIV, Romans 9:25-10:13 NIV, Psalm 20 NIV, Proverbs 20:2-3 NIV

“For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” (Romans 9:15 NIV)

God has compassion for who He wants.  One of the hardest things to understand is God’s mercy and compassion.  From our human standpoint, we think certain people don’t qualify, others do.  Why do some people suffer beyond what we can imagine, while others seem to have perfect lives?  The ultimate question people ask:  Why do bad things happen to good people?

We have to accept hard truths in our lives.  One of them is that good people don’t exist.  We are all sinners by nature.  None of us deserve the mercy and compassion God has given us:

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8 NIV)

We are all sinners, saved by grace.

A second truth to accept, death is a part of life.  We struggle understanding why people have to die?  The younger someone is, the harder death is to understand. I have family members and friends who have lost children.  I’ve met mothers who have lost children to cancer before they reached their teen years.  I’ve sat with grieving parents who have lost children in car accidents, at gunpoint, or from illness.  None of those moments are easy for anyone.  The grief and heartache is palpable. Times like these, there are no words, just raw emotions words can’t explain.  Without life, death wouldn’t exist.

Where is God’s compassion and mercy when children die?  

We can’t understand such a complex question on this side of heaven.  Only God knows.  At such pivotal times, we have a choice.  We either trust God or we don’t.  We either believe God has a purpose or He doesn’t.  We choose whether God will work this heartbreak to the good, or He won’t. Every day, in every situation, we have a choice of what we are going to do.

When my nephew died, I chose to trust God.  When I tell people about that day, I talk about a pivotal moment.  Five minutes before I received the phone call telling me he had passed, my husband walked in the front door.  He had come home from work early.  His arms were there to hold me when I received the devastating news. He was there to drive me to the hospital, a half hour away.  God’s mercy and compassion for me in the midst of heartache was evident in those five minutes.  When I think back on the worst day of my life, my faith is strengthened, not weakened. 

God has compassion and mercy for everyone.  The problem is our perspective. 

Question of the Day:

Do you need a perspective changed today?

Further Reading: 2 Chronicles 14-16 NIV, Romans 9:1-24 NIV, Psalm 19 NIV, Proverbs 20:1 NIV

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31 NIV)

No one wins against God.  No matter what tricks or schemes people come up with to outwit God, they always lose.  God’s will always prevails.  No matter how dismal the circumstances may look, God always wins.

Jonah is a good example.  God gave  a divine message to Jonah for Nineveh.  For Jonah, doing what God commanded was difficult.  He didn’t want these people saved.  He didn’t feel like they deserved God’s second chance.  So Jonah ran.  He hopped on a ship and headed in the opposite direction.

His troubles had just begun.  While napping below deck, the wind and waves pick up.  The sailors pray to their gods to find out what the cause of the storm is.  They realize Jonah is the problem.  When they wake him up, Jonah tells him their only option is to throw him overboard.  They toss him into the sea.  A “huge fish” swallows him (Jonah 1:17 NIV).  Jonah had temporary residency in the fish’s stomach for the next three days and nights.  Jonah prays for a second chance.  The fish vomits him on shore.  He goes to Nineveh, gives them the message from God.  They repent, Jonah pouts. 

If God is for you, who can be against you.

God’s will for your life will always prevail.  Whatever He wants, God gets.  But often, we have to work to bring our hearts into alignment with what God wants.  Jonah tried to run, but ended up in the belly of a fish.  God had a mission for him.  Until Jonah accepted his mission, all his efforts were fruitless.  

People run from God all of the time.  I run from God.  His word contains 80% of His will for our lives.  He wants us to forgive others.  He wants us to pray for our enemies.  He wants us to put Him first in everything we do.  We’re to give back our firstfruits to God.  We’re not to lie, steal or cheat.  The list of things God wants us to do is clear.  All of them circle back to the great commandment: Love God, love others (Mark 12:30-31 NIV)

The truth is, most of the time, we know exactly what God wants us to do.  We don’t want to do it.  We find excuses.  We act like we don’t know.  We are Jonah.  Running from our mission, hoping God won’t notice.  But God knows.

None of us escape God’s watchful eye.  He knows who is running from Him.  He knows who is running to Him.  All of us have done both, and will do both in the future.  God is for us.  When we’re in His will, no one can come against us.

Question of the Day:

Are you running to or from God today?

Further Reading: 2 Chronicles 11-13 NIV, Romans 8:26-39 NIV, Psalm 18:37-50 NIV, Proverbs 19:27-29 NIV