Honest Reflections

“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”” (1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV)

Birds of a feather flock together.

Flock is “a number of birds of one kind feeding, resting, or traveling together.” Whoever your “flock” is affects who you are.  The people in your life influence you.  If they are making good decisions, they will help you make good decisions.  The opposite also applies.  Choose who you surround yourself with each day.  You control who you spend time with, how much time you spend with them, and the effect they have on you.  In other words, create boundaries.

Boundaries are key to healthy relationships.  Therapistaid.com defines personal boundaries like this: 

Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships.

Boundaries take work.  This free worksheet from the site can help you set healthy limits.  Every day, you have to set some type of boundaries.  Because of COVID, interest in tennis has risen.  If I wanted too, I could teach private lessons every day of the week.  However, working everyday isn’t healthy for me mentally or physically.  In order to maintain a healthy work/home life balance, I must set boundaries.  Once I set them, I must stick to them.  Currently, I have black out times on my calendar.  The reserved spots are for family and friends, I don’t book lessons during those time periods.

Healthy boundaries means healthy life.

Allow yourself to set boundaries. You can say no to spending time with people who bring you down.  Instead, say yes to people who lift you up and encourage you.  Intentionally develop those relationships in your life.  Identify people who have a positive influence, build those relationships.

In tennis, in order to become a better player you need three types of practice partners.  One player is stronger, one is the same, one weaker than you.  Stronger players force you to rise to the next level of your game.  The same level player allows you to practice shots and patterns to improve your game.  Playing against a weaker player allows you to work on shots you don’t have confidence to use against stronger players.  Just like tennis, we need three types of people in our lives.

We need mentors.  People who have life experience that help us grow.  We need friends.  People who walk beside us, traveling through life together, supporting each other along the way.  And we need people who we mentor.  People who your life experience can help them with theirs.

Birds of a feather flock together.  You have the ability to pick the flock.  Choose wisely the flocks you develop.

Question of the Day:

Have you done an inventory of your flock lately?

Further Reading: Job 12-15NIV, 1 Corinthians 15:29-58 NIV, Psalm 39:1-13 NIV, Proverbs 21:30-31 NIV

“Indeed, I know that this is true.  But how can mere mortals prove their innocence before God? (Job 9:2 NIV)

Honesty with God equals innocence.

One thing God has taught me lately, we’re not hiding anything.  Those secrets you think no one knows, God knows.  He knows more about us than we know about ourselves.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13 NIV)

When we pour out our hearts to God in sincere repentance, He declares us innocent.  God already knows your secrets, you aren’t telling Him anything He doesn’t already know. Tell Him everything, forgive yourself.  Find renewal as God gives you new life:

“We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.” (Romans 3:22 NLT)

Bildad questioned Job’s Innocence

Today’s verse comes from a conversation Job has with his second friend, Bildad.  Job, a man experiencing deep heartache and pain is keeping his eyes on God.  Bildad is offering an explanation for why Job is suffering.  Obviously, from Bildad’s perspective, Job has a secret sin he needs to confess, therefore God is punishing him.  Bildad isn’t God, neither are we.  We’re not to judge, we’re to love.

Job doesn’t need someone making him feel worse than he already does.  He’s lost his children, his livelihood and has boils all over his body.  The guy needs comfort, not a guilt trip.  But Bildad wants answers.  If he can explain why Job is experiencing this pain, then maybe he can avoid having to experience the pain himself?  He doesn’t want to go through what Job is going through.  He wants an answer so he can avoid the pain.  He’s thinking of himself more than he’s thinking about Job.

Bad things happen to good people with no explanation.  Life is a mystery out of our control.  We will never have all of the answers to our questions on this side of eternity.  No matter how hard Bildad tries to find an answer, he won’t.  Job knows this, so does God.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways,” says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV)

God is in control.  He has a plan for each of our lives.  Wherever God leads you, He’ll provide for you.  But you won’t understand everything, neither will your friends.

Some questions don’t have answers.  Acceptance of this fact comes with faith in God.  Trust that He knows the answer, even if you don’t.  Trust His plan is best.

Get honest with God.  Tell Him your secrets.  Let Jesus make you innocent.

Question of the Day:

What secret does God know about you that you haven’t told Him yet?

Further Reading: Job 8-11 NIV, 1 Corinthians 15:1-28 NIV,  Psalm 38:1-22 NIV, Proverbs 21:28-29 NIV

“Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty” (Job 5:17 NIV)

Know-it-all’s don’t know it all.

Eliphaz is one of Job’s know-it-all friends.  We met Job yesterday.  He’s lost his children, his livestock and servants.  When we meet him today, his health is also affected.  He’s lost almost everything.  He still has his life and his wife.  Eliphaz has come to comfort him in his distress.  

Dealing with people who experience deep tragedy is difficult.  Knowing what words to say to them is hard.  Some people, like Eliphaz, need an explanation for why the person is experiencing the heartache.  He reasons Job is suffering because he has unconfessed sin.  Why else would God punish him like this?  The problem is, Eliphaz doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  Most people who think they know why God does something don’t.  Only God knows why He does what He does.

Only God knows His intent.

When something bad happens to someone, we often assume they’ve done something to deserve it. God is punishing them.  Eliphaz assumes that about Job.  That assumption is not true.  None of us deserve anything.  All of us fall short from the mark of perfection.  Our sins may differ, but we all sin.  Therefore, we don’t deserve the blessings we do have.  The penalty for sin is death, period.  We all sin, we all will die.  But through Jesus, we have eternal life.  His grace forgives our sin.  Each breath we take we owe him a debt of gratitude.  Without God, nothing exists.

Job understood God’s grace.  He realized, all he has is God’s to do with what He wants.  We are only caretakers. 

The truth is, sometimes life doesn’t make sense.  Bad things happen to people we deem good.  One thing we need to remember: we’re not God.  We don’t know the full situation.  Sometimes, we will never know the “why” until we meet Him in heaven. 

If we get hung up on the “Why?” we miss out on an opportunity to love.

Eliphaz was so busy trying to explain away the situation, he missed an opportunity to love his friend.  What Job needed was someone to sit with him in his misery.  He didn’t need useless words.  Silence is okay.  We don’t always have to talk.

One of the hardest memorials I attended was for my friend Bryan. A young father, murdered just after his 41st birthday.  What words do you say when you look into a grieving mother’s eyes at a moment like this?  The only words I could say were, “I love you.  I’m praying for you.”  Showing up, putting your arms around them,  walking with them through their heart ache, those acts of love are worth far more than empty words.  

Love is always the right answer.  Know-it-alls don’t know it all.  Ignore them, listen to God.

Question of the Day:

What “Know-it-all” do you need to ignore today?

Further Reading: Job 4-7 NIV, 1 Corinthians 14:18-40 NIV, Psalm 37:30-40 NIV, Proverbs 21:27 NIV

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.  The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”  In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.” (Job 1:21-22 NIV)

Worship prevents sinning.

Our hero today is Job. Forty chapters exist in the book named for him.  His story is the oldest book in the Bible.  We meet him right after tragedy has struck.  He’s lost his family, his livestock and servants.  These events happened because of a conversation between God and Satan.  As usual, Satan is accusing.  He thinks the only reason Job is faithful to God is because he hasn’t had any hardship in his life.  Satan is wrong.

Job’s response to his losses is worship.  He tore his clothes, shaved his head and fell to the ground in worship of his one and only God.  As a result, he didn’t sin.  He kept his focus on God.

Worship keeps our focus on God.

In the midst of his tragedy, Job turned to the One who could help him.  He didn’t believe his life was free from pain and heartache.  He accepted his fate because he trusted in God.  He devoted his life to God.  All he had was and is God’s.  In Job’s mind, God had sovereignty over his life.  If God wanted to take everything away, that was His choice.

Worship draws our heart closer to God’s:

“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice, he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.” (Psalm 116:1-2 NIV)

The more we worship God, the more we worship God.  As we lift our eyes to the skies, focusing our hearts on Him, our spirits unite.

“God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” (John 4:24 NIV)

For over twenty years, I’ve made a practice of reading through the Bible in a year.  Each time I got to the book of Job, I dreaded it.  His trials and tribulations remind me the same thing can happen to me.  God has control of my life, He can do what He wants.  The suffering Job endured, no one wants.  But then I did a study of the book by Lisa Harper.  “Job: A Story of Unlikely Joy” is one I highly recommend. 

I got past the conversation with Satan.  When studying Job, people get hung up on why God even chats with Satan.  But if we can’t get past those few verses, we won’t unearth the beauty found within the pages.  We will miss the story of friendship that unfolds as Job’s friends counsel him.

Job teaches us many lessons.  First, worship prevents you from sinning.

Question of the Day:

Have you spent time worshiping God today?

Further Reading: Job 1-3 NIV,  1 Corinthians 14:1-17 NIV, Psalm 37:12-29 NIV, Proverbs 21:25-26 NIV

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Corinthian 13: 4-8 NIV)

God defines love for me.

The Bible, to me, is a collection of love stories.  When I read through the pages, I look for love.  God’s love is always present.  People struggle with the stories of the Old Testament, more violence and rape exists in its pages than any movie screen.  The New Testament’s brutality is just as bad.  Crucifixion is a horrible way to die.  The person can’t breathe normally and dies from asphyxiation, lack of oxygen to the blood cells.  Yet in the midst of a horrible death we find the greatest act of love for us.

Love is action.

Jesus’ death on the cross was an action of love.  He sacrificed His life because of His love for us.  And He did it willingly to enable a relationship with God we can have no other way.  Jesus’ act exemplified the words in today’s verses.

Patient. Kind. Not Envious. Humble. Honoring. Selfless. Forgiving. Truthful. Protecting. Trustworthy. Hopeful. Perseveres. Never fails.  

Putting someone else before yourself is an act of love.

My husband plans out his last bite at every meal.  He saves his favorite food for the final fork load.   I didn’t learn this until years into our marriage.  One random conversation with a friend revealed this to me.  Worst yet, for years, I had taken his last bite, not realizing it.  He never said a word.  His act of not telling me was love.  Now that I am aware he does this with every meal, my not taking his last bite is an act of love back to him.  Love in action.

God’s love for us is unconditional, that means no limits to it.  Whatever you think you’ve done that is unworthy of God’s love, you are wrong.

John Newton wrote Amazing Grace.  Before he started following Jesus, he was a slave trader.  For years, he witnessed the brutality of slavery, and condoned it.  Not until he met Jesus did he realize what he was doing.  He quit and became a minister.  And he wrote these words:

Amazing grace! How Sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,

And grace my fears relieved;

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed!

God’s love is unconditional.  Lavish in His love today.

Question of the Day:

How does God’s love define love for you?

Further Reading: Esther 8:1-10:3 NIV, 1 Corinthians 12:27-13:13 NIV, Psalm 37:1-11 NIV, Proverbs 21:23-24 NIV

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14 NIV)

Your purpose is specific to your life.  No one else can do what you can do.

Esther is facing the decision of a lifetime when we meet her.  Should she risk her life to save the Jews, or not?  She’s a jewish orphan married to King Xerxes.   Haman, one of the king’s officials is plotting to kill all Jews.  Esther’s uncle, Mordecai tells Esther she must get the king’s help.  The problem, the king hasn’t sought her company in awhile.  In Esther’s time, if  the king doesn’t call for you and you go to him, you may die.  What Mordecai was asking her to do could result in her death.  

Esther was a wise woman.  Before she did anything, she and her people fasted and prayed for three days.   No one else was in the position she was to help save the Jewish people.  No one else had the influence over the king like she did.  God placed her in a specific place, for a specific purpose.

Your place, your purpose.

Place and purpose change over a lifetime.  Today’s purpose is different from tomorrow’s.  What seems small is big.  What is big, small.  Each day is a building block to your life purpose.

Esther was an orphan, taken in by her uncle when her parents died.  She lived with him until the king began his search for a queen.  When called into the king, she kept it simple.  He fell for her.  She became his queen.  Esther didn’t engineer any of it, she just lived the life God gave her.  Day in, day out, which led to this pivotal moment.  An orphan, now in a position to save her people.  Read her story in “Further Reading” below.

One other thing to note, if you don’t fulfill your purpose, someone else will.  Mordecai told Esther this.  If she didn’t help, God would raise someone else up to do the work.  But Esther would miss the blessing.  Her family name would no longer exist.

When God calls us to a purpose, we have a choice.  We can fulfill it or not.  God has someone else who can do it.  But He wants you to do it. He wants you to grow, He wants you to receive the blessing.  Just like Esther grew. Just like Esther received the blessing.

Your life has purpose.  You were made for such a time as this.  Don’t miss what God is doing.

Question of the Day:

Are you missing what God is doing in your life?

Further Reading: Esther 4:1-7:10 NIV, 1 Corinthians 12:1-26 NIV, Psalm 36:1-12 NIV, Proverbs 21:21-22 NIV

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” (Proverbs 21:19 NIV)

A nag is someone who annoys or irritates (a person) with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging.  We all nag others to some extent, whether we realize it or not.

Mom’s nag their children to brush their teeth, make their bed, clean their rooms.  Wives nag husbands to fix the leaky toilet, pick up their dirty clothes, take off their muddy shoes. Husbands nag their wives about cleaning the house, cooking meals and whatever else annoys them.   Friends nag friends to break up with the boyfriend, or make up with the boyfriend or not have a boyfriend.  Nagging is a no win situation for all concerned.

No one wants to live with a nag.

As a tennis coach, I nag a lot.  “Racquet back.”  “Get those feet moving.” “Finish that stroke.’  The phrases I use are the same.  Tennis requires the same simple actions over and over again. The more repeated the motion, the better the player.  They tire of hearing me say the same thing over and over. Eventually, I don’t have to say it anymore, they begin to tell me.  I tire of saying it, they tire of hearing it.

No one enjoys nagging.  Nagging is a form of unmet expectations.  We set an expectation for someone.  They don’t do it.  Until it’s done, we nag.  Or is there a better way?

Recently, I’ve stopped nagging on the tennis court.  Instead, I’ve learned new drills.  Not only do they learn to move their feet, but they have fun while doing it.  Without realizing it, they’ve done what I wanted them to do all along.  The kids respond better to fun games, than repeated nagging.  

“The Karate Kid” is a 1984 movie about martial arts.  Mr. Miyagi is the wise teacher to his young protege.  Before he allows his student to set foot on the mat, he has him do a series of chores. The tasks help develop the muscle memory the student needs to successfully compete in martial arts.  In other words, Miyagied: he learned the skills necessary without realizing he was learning.

Instead of nagging, Miyagi.

Find another way.  Every student I have requires a different approach.  The first thing I have to do is learn how to communicate with them.  What motivates them?  What doesn’t?  Some kids need verbal praise.  Some kids need to understand the mechanics of the stroke.  Some kids need visual cues.  Once I understand how to communicate with them in a way they will receive, they begin to learn.  Instead of nagging, I’m teaching.

Learning opportunities happen everyday.  If we learn to capitalize on them, we’ll nag less.  Reduced nagging equals more peace. Nag less, teach more.

Question of the Day:

Who do you need to find another way to communicate with today?

Further Reading: Esther 1-3 NIV, 1 Corinthians 11:17-34 NIV, Psalm 35:17-28 NIV, Proverbs 21:19-20 NIV

“Contend, Lord, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me.” (Psalm 35:1 NIV)

God knows who your true enemies are.

You may think you know, but you don’t know.  We get our enemies so wrong.  We fight the wrong battles.  We put energy into a battle that doesn’t exist, because we think we know what people are thinking.  We think we understand their hearts intent, but we don’t.  We create enemies that don’t exist.

Meanwhile, God knows who the real enemies are.  He’s fighting the battle we ignore because we’re focused on the wrong thing.  God contends for us in the battle.

God contends for us in the battle.

When I’m on a zoom chat and I see the deadpan faces of others, I try not to assign emotion based on their look. Zoom has taught me what I look like when I’m listening, it isn’t what I thought.  Where I thought I had a pleasant look on my face, I now know, it’s just plain.  No look whatsoever.  Now I understand why strangers have come up to me and said, “Smile, life isn’t that bad.”  The lack of emotion on my face makes me look sad.  People could make lots of wrong assumptions because of how I look.

We assume we know.  We read into words or actions meanings that are incorrect.  We form the wrong conclusions in our minds about who is our enemy and who isn’t.  God knows who is truly fighting against us, often our biggest enemy is ourselves.  We think we know, so we assume.  God knows the truth.

God knows the things we say to ourselves that aren’t true.  He knows the lies we believe.  He knows the actions we take that hurt ourselves more than anyone else.  Lord knows, I’m my own worst enemy.  Only through Him have I learned to not trust myself when I make a snap decision.  God reveals the truth in time, but I have to wait.

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,  bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (Luke 6:27-28 NIV)

God contends with our enemies by how we treat them.  We are to love and pray for them.  Which is why we should love and pray for ourselves.  If we are our own worst enemy, then only God can protect us from ourselves.  A common prayer I pray: “Lord protect me from myself.”

As I look back over my life, I’ve been my own worst enemy.  The mistakes I’ve made are a result of the decisions I made.  No one else is to blame.  But God protected me.  He taught me.  He carried me.  He contended with me when no one else did.

God contends for us, especially when we’re the enemy.

Question of the Day:

Have you ever considered your worst enemy is yourself?

Further Reading: Nehemiah 12:27-13:31 NIV, 1 Corinthians 11:1-16 NIV, Psalm 35:1-16 NIV, Proverbs 21:17-18 NIV

“Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry.” (1 Cor. 10:14 NIV) 

Idols rule you.

The definition of idol is an image or other material object representing a deity to which religious worship is addressed.  The biblical definition is an image of a deity other than God, the deity itself.  Things we idolize in America: jobs, cars, relationships, sports, religion.  The list is truly endless. Pets, homes, vacations, alcohol…anything you worship is an idol.

From a Christ follower’s perspective, anything that gets in the way of your relationship with God is an idol.  My tennis racquet was a recent idol God asked me to give up.  As a tennis player, I had 2 racquets, one a backup in case I broke a string.  Racquets are very personal.  Everyone likes something different.  When I find ones I like, I stick with them for as long as I can.  The two I have now are my all time favorites for various reasons.  Teaching a tennis camp a couple weeks ago, I had a prompting to give one to a student who didn’t have a racquet.  My instant response was “No way, not my racquets.” I realized in that moment, my racquets were idols. I gave the racquet away.

You can rule idols.

Years ago, I did Dave Ramsey’s money management course.  Great course, taught me how to handle finances Biblically.  One of the areas addressed is tithing, giving 10% back to God.  Tithing isn’t about money, tithing is about faith.  Do you have faith God will do more with the 90% in your life than you will do with the 100%?  Money is an idol we all battle.  The love of money is the root of evil:

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” (1 Timothy 6:10 NIV)

Tithing breaks the love of money.  The best way to “offend” money is to give it away.  The lure of money is seductive.  So many different ways money affects people.  We all need it to live.  Money can easily consume our thoughts.  But when you give it away to God, you’re putting money in its place.

Yes, money is important.  Yes, you need money to live.  But without God you wouldn’t have life, nor money.  God first, money second.

Demolish idols by putting them in their place:

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7 NIV)

God helps you put idols in their place when you give them to Him.  Maybe the answer is giving it away, maybe not.  But when you submit it to Him, you gain control.  The idol is no longer an idol. 

Question of the Day:

What idol do you need to talk to God about today?

Further Reading: Nehemiah 11:1-12:26 NIV, 1 Corinthians 10:14-33 NIV, Psalm 34:11-22 NIV, Proverbs 21:14-16 NIV

“Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.” (1 Corinthians 9:19 NIV)

Everyone is free.  Everyone is a slave to someone. Following Christ means you’re a slave to everyone.  But what does that mean, slave to Jesus?  

Doulos is the Greek word for slave or bondservant used throughout the Bible.  A more detailed definition is: one who gives himself up to another’s will those whose service is used by Christ in extending and advancing his cause among men; devoted to another to the disregard of one’s own interests. 

Slave to Christ, Slave to all.

As you get to know Jesus, you will fall madly in love with Him.  You can’t help yourself.  His love for others makes you love Him.  When you read the story of the adultress caught in the act, put yourself in her position.  John tells us the story in chapter 8.  Caught in bed with a man, she’s dragged naked through the streets to where Jesus is teaching in front of a large crowd.  The law punishes this offense with stoning.   People throw rocks at you until you are dead.  The accusers want to see what Jesus will do in this situation.  In one of my favorite moments in His ministry on earth, Jesus bends to the ground and begins writing in the dust.  Slowly, one by one the people leave.  Eventually it is just Jesus and the woman, whom He forgives and lets go.

Put yourself in her place.  You are in bed with someone.  Men drag you out of bed, through the house, into the street.  Their destination, the local church where Jesus is.  Their intent, to have you stoned to death.  You have to stand in front of a huge crowd in all your glory as the men hash this out.  Then you watch as Jesus bends to His knees and begins writing. You don’t know for sure what Jesus wrote, but you watch as one by one, people begin to leave.  When everyone has left, Jesus rises to His feet, looks with love into your eyes and says:

“Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” (John 8:10-11 NIV)

How can you not love Jesus after that experience?

When you understand the depth of Jesus’s love for you, you want others to know it as well.  Becoming a doulos to Christ is your ultimate desire because of the love He has for you.  Loving like Jesus is the best way to tell others of His love for them.  To love like Jesus, become a slave to everyone.

Question of the Day:

Who are you doulos too?

Further Reading: Nehemiah 9:22-10:39 NIV, 1 Corinthians 9:19-10:13 NIV, Psalm 34:1-10 NIV, Proverbs 21:13 NIV