Honest Reflections

“But I have calmed and quieted myself,  I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.” (Psalm 131:2 NIV)

Calm and quiet come with maturity.  Learning to control our emotions is a work in progress.  As children, we threw fits.  I know I was guilty of having a tantrum if I didn’t get what I wanted.  But my mother quickly taught me, tantrums don’t work.  She did not back down when she made a decision.  The more of a fit I threw, the more she stood her ground.  I learned over time, not to waste my energy on tantrums.  My mother taught me how to control my emotions by not giving in to bad behavior.

Learning to control emotions is a lifelong process.  If we were capable of controlling our emotions at all times, we would have no conflict.  People wouldn’t say things they didn’t mean to say.  We wouldn’t do things we didn’t mean to do.  I broke my foot once kicking a chair because I was mad at my brother.  I was in highschool.  I hobbled on crutches for weeks because of one moment of over reacting. When our emotions control us, we lose common sense.  We are unable to view whatever the situation is realistically.  As a result, we cause more harm than good.

Calm and quiet come with maturity.

In order to control our emotions, we have to analyze our reactions.  I ask myself these sort of questions:

• Why did I overreact?  
• What emotion was I feeling?
• What would I do differently if I had a do-over?

And I seek God.  I look into His word for solutions.  I talk to Him about my reaction in prayer.  Recently, I’ve begun asking Him to help me define the emotion.  My typical first response is anger.  But now I’ve learned there are many more emotions than just anger.  I feel disappointment, sadness, rejection and so many other things.  What is tipping off that particular emotion in me?  Once I identify the emotion, I can determine ways to control it.

Solomon gives us this advice:

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty.  And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.” (Proverbs 16:32 NIV)

I ask God to change me.  I pray for His spirit to rule my life.  Instead of responding in anger, I ask God to let me respond in grace and mercy.  I am His work in progress.  I have a very long way to go, but I’m not where I was.

Calm and quiet come when we learn to control our emotions.  God wants our lives ruled with His spirit, not our emotions.  When we do, we’ll have His peace.

Question of the Day:

Have you asked yourself: “Why did I react that way?”

Further Reading: 1 Kings 11:1-12:19 NIV, Acts 9:1-25 NIV, Psalm 131:1-3 NIV, Proverbs 17:4-5 NIV

“When the queen of Sheba heard about the fame of Solomon and his relationship to the Lord, she came to test Solomon with hard questions.” (1 Kings 10:1 NIV)

Solomon had a reputation.  People saw God’s presence in his life.  People wanted to know what Solomon knew.  The only way to find out what someone else knows is to ask them questions.  As Christ followers, people will question our faith.  Just like God’s presence drew Queen Sheba to Solomon, people will draw to you.  You don’t have to know all the answers.  Nor do you have to act like you do.  All you need to truly know is where to direct them for the answers they are seeking.  Hard questions require honest answers.

Hard questions require honest answers.

Admitting you don’t know everything is humbling for some people.  They feel like they have to have all of the answers.  But the truth is, no one has all of the answers.  No one except Jesus.  I don’t know why a 22 year old bride, a week before her wedding died in a car accident.  I don’t know why a friend’s daughter died of cancer at 10 years old.  I don’t know why COVID is plaguing our society.  I don’t know why.  But I do know Jesus does.  And I trust Him.

Recently I posted a short devotional on prayer.  I received a well thought out comment disputing the power of prayer.  The person pointed out how prayer had done nothing to stop the death and heartache in this world over the centuries.  He listed compelling statistics, including the fact a National Day of Prayer was held for our country, yet we’ve still had over 100,000 deaths from COVID.  My heart ached for the pain and suffering he was referring too. But God never promised us a life without pain and suffering:

“I have told you this, so that you might have peace in your hearts because of me. While you are in the world, you will have to suffer. But cheer up! I have defeated the world.” (John 16:33 NIV)

I don’t have the answers to the hard questions.  Faith is believing what we cannot see (Hebrews 11:1).  In today’s world, anyone can research a topic easily on the internet.  Messages from pastors on every topic imaginable are on YouTube.  Inevitably, one hard truth becomes reality: some questions we’ll never know the answers too until we get to heaven.

Don’t let the hard questions scare you.  Understand, some questions don’t have answers.  Hard questions require honest answers.  “I don’t know” is ok to say.  God loves you, even if you don’t know all the answers.

Question of the Day:

Are you comfortable saying, “I don’t know?”

Further Reading: 1 Kings 9:1-10:29 NIV, Acts 8:14-40 NIV, Psalm 130:1-8 NIV, Proverbs 17:2-3 NIV

“Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long. But the Lord is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked.” (Psalm 129:3-4 NIV)

Jesus cuts wicked cords.  Plowmen, in today’s verse, are the masters.  The long furrows are a metaphor for harsh treatment.  I think of Jesus’ whipped back before the crucifixion (cf. Matt 20:19; 27:26; Mark 15:15; John 19:1).  “The Passion of the Christ” exemplified  Jesus’ beating in a way I will never forget.  The sight of His bloody back is not easily forgotten.  Knowing He endured the torture for me is beyond humbling.  But the Lord cuts us free from the cords.  Jesus endured so we wouldn’t.  He took the beating we deserved.  And when He cried out, “It is finished!”, He finished it for all of us (John 29:30 NIV).  

Jesus cuts wicked cords.

Cords hold us captive.  When they are whipping our backs, we can’t move.  To cut free from them, we must first understand what the cords are.  Beloved author Beth Moore describes what holds Christ followers captive:

“A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for him or her.”

― Beth Moore, Breaking Free: Discover the Victory of Total Surrender

Our cords are what keep us from enjoying our lives.  Those things that control us instead of us controlling them.  Reese’s Peanut butter cups have the ability to control me.  If I have a bag of them in the pantry, it doesn’t last long.  Once I start eating them, I keep eating them until they are all gone.  Thus, I have cut the cord by no longer buying bags of them.

The term, “cut the cord,” originates from the phrase, “Cut the umbilical cord.”  The umbilical cord is what connects a mother and child before birth.  The first thing that happens at birth, someone cuts the cord.  In some regards, Jesus cut the umbilical cord of sin in our lives.  He gave us a way out we desperately needed.

Just like a newborn baby can’t cut the cord, Jesus knows we can’t either.  We need His help to resist the temptations in our life.  Without His wisdom and truth in my life, I wouldn’t admit I eat all the Reese’s cups.  But if I don’t admit I eat them, I can’t gain control over them.  I have to do the hard work to understand why I can’t have just one. Jesus helps me find the answers. But only if I accept His truth.

In order for Jesus to cut the cords, we have to submit to Him.  We have to admit we are powerless over the sin in our lives.  Only through Him can we find complete victory.  Jesus cuts the wicked cords.

Question of the Day:

What cords do you need Jesus to cut for you?

Further Reading: 1 Kings 8:1-66 NIV, Acts 7:51-8:13 NIV, Psalm 129:1-8 NIV, Proverbs 17:1 NIV

“It took Solomon thirteen years, however, to complete the construction of his palace.” (1 Kings 7:1 NIV) 

Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived.  He gained his wisdom from God.  Because of his wisdom, he had more wealth than anyone else.  His tasks; building God’s temple and his own palace.  By the time he finished God’s temple, 7 years passed.  The work on his own personal temple took 13 years.  Solomon spent almost twice the time building his palace.  He spent more time on himself than God.

Because of Jesus, our body is God’s temple:

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;” (1 Corinthians 6:19 NIV)

Taking care of our bodies takes care of God’s temple.  We are God’s representative on earth.  When we spend time working on ourselves, we’re working on God’s temple.  However, we have to check our motives.  Are we really going to the gym to tone God’s temple, or are we doing it for ourselves?  Am I volunteering all my time at church to make myself look better, or am I truly serving God?  Am I walking the walk or just talking the talk?  Our heart’s motives determine the temple we’re building.

Our heart’s motives determine the temple we’re building.

When we’re building God’s temple, we’re not exhausted:

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:29-30 NIV)

God’s leading in our lives creates balance.  When we seek God before making a commitment, we say yes to what He wants, no to what we want.  We don’t overschedule ourselves with “good” activities. We understand our limitations.  We realize, we’re not the Savior of the world, Jesus is.

I’m an empath.  I feel others pain deeply.  When a friend tells me she’s hurting, I hurt.  But I had to learn, I can’t fix their issues.  I listen to them, I pray for them.  I seek God’s guidance on what I’m to do, or not do.  And I try, to the best of my ability, to leave them in God’s hands.  I understand, He loves them more than I ever can.  He knows what’s best for them more than I ever will.  He sees the whole picture, I only see in part.  When I try to move without Him, I do more harm than good.  But we all have a common struggle when following Jesus:

“Our problem following Jesus is we’re trying to be a better version of us instead of a better reflection of Him.”  Bob Goff

In other words, we’re spending more time on our temple than God’s.

Question of the Day:

What temple are you spending the most time on?

Further Reading: 1 Kings 7:1-50 NIV, Acts 7:30-50 NIV, Psalm 128:1-6 NIV, Proverbs 16:31-33 NIV

“A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.” (Proverbs 16:28 NIV)

Perverse people cause conflict.  Gossip is a tool they use.  Someone who gossips: One who runs from house to house, tattling and telling news; an idle tattler.  I think of Gladys Kravitz as a gossip.  She was the nosy neighbor of Darrin and Samantha Stevens on the 1960’s hit show Bewitched.  Her character kept a close eye on what was going on in the neighborhood.  She loved to talk about what she knew with others.  As soon as she received a juicy tidbit, she was on the phone sharing it with whoever would listen.  As a result, she was not the most popular person on the block.  Neither is a perverse person who creates conflict.

Perverse people cause conflict.

Sometimes, we’re the gossip.  The song, “Take Me to Church” by Hozier is one that saddens my heart.  The chorus contains these words:

“Take me to church

I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.”

I’m saddened by the words because of their truth.  I’ve sat in prayer meetings where people shared personal and private requests.  They have opened their hearts to vulnerability.  Only for someone to share their request outside of the group.  Deep, deep hurt occurred.  I’ve witnessed this heart ache more than once.  The song isn’t necessarily referring to situations like this, but it is what I think of when I hear the song.

Why are we so quick to share someone else’s misery?  I’ve been guilty of gossip.  Just this past weekend, there was a conversation lull when we were with friends.  I thought of something I had learned juicy. Temptation tried to get me to speak.  Thank God for the Holy Spirit, I felt a check from it.  I knew I wasn’t to talk about the situation.  I didn’t.  But only because of God’s presence in my life.  Without Him, I may have not been quiet.

Words truly hurt others.  When we share things we shouldn’t, we’re perverse.  We’re a gossip.  We separate friendships and kill relationships.  But with God’s presence in our lives, we can learn to let our words honor Him:

“May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14 NIV)

When we put God first in our speech, we won’t gossip.  We will build people up with our words.  We’ll help them become who God created them to be.  We won’t tear apart, we’ll unify.  Perversity will not survive.  Only uplifting and encouraging words will come from our mouth.  But first we have to let God control our tongue.  With Him, all things are possible.

Question of the Day:

How are your words affecting your friendships?

Further Reading: 1 Kings 5:1-6:38 NIV, Acts 7:1-29 NIV, Psalm 127:1-5 NIV, Proverbs 16:28-30 NIV

“Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.”  (Psalm 126:6 NIV)

When our hearts are broken and we still turn to God, we’re weeping while we sow.  We’re trusting He can take the shattered pieces and put them back together again. 

When you sow with tears, you reap joy.

Memorial Day weekend was difficult for me.  The heaviness of the pandemic weighed on my heart.  Friends who are dealing with difficult issues burdened me.  I felt helpless in easing their pain.  I turned to God in my valley.  I asked Him to remove the sadness from me.  I gave Him the anxiety I was feeling.  I lifted up my depression.  With tears, I cried out to Him for renewal and restoration.  Nothing happened.

On the third morning, as I once again felt the sadness sit on my shoulders, tears slipped down my face.  My husband and I had camped at the beach.  We packed up early to head home for work.  The tears fell as we pulled out of our camping spot.  This time, my husband prayed with me.  As I held his hand, I lifted up my depression to God.  Nothing happened.

When we arrived home three hours later, I went to my prayer closet.  I knew the verses I was going to pray:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV)

I wrote the above words in my journal.  I went through each instruction and asked God for help.  I gave Him my anxiety.  I thanked Him for His presence. I asked Him to take away my sadness and depression.  I asked for His peace.  Once I finished writing, I fell to my knees.

For some reason, I felt the need to speak to God.  Not quietly in my mind, but audibly through my mouth.  I spoke to Him and said what I had written.  I used the power of Jesus’ name to rid myself of the demons attacking me.  And then I asked for God’s peace, once again.  Something happened.

I felt the weight lifted from me.  I felt God’s peace enter into me.  I sowed with tears, but I reaped a harvest of joy.  God did what He always does.  He rescued me.  He comforted me.  He strengthened me.  He breathed life back into me.  He restored my hope.

You can do the same.  You can take your troubles and doubts to God.  You may have to do it more than once.  Don’t give up.  Keep trying, no matter how long it takes.  God will sustain you in your valley.  He’ll give you joy for your tears.

Question of the Day:

Are you sowing while you weep?

Further Reading: 1 Kings 3:3-4:34 NIV, Acts 6:1-15 NIV, Psalm 126:1-6 NIV, Proverbs 16:26-27 NIV

“Lord, do good to those who are good, to those who are upright in heart.” (Psalm 125:4 NIV)

Good intentions equals an upright heart.  One of the prayers I pray most often:  “Lord, bless my efforts.”  As I take steps of faith to follow Jesus, I pray I’m heading in the right direction.  Oftentimes, people misjudge our actions.  They don’t understand our intent is good, our actions bumbling.  God understands the intentions of our heart.  He blesses our efforts when our hearts are inline with His.

Good intentions equals an upright heart.

I have a knack for touching the tip of the iceberg with people.  Unwittingly, I ask the right question that touches a nerve.  My intent is not to harm.  However, people aren’t always receptive to the truth, nor do they want to discuss it.  Jesus experienced the same thing in His ministry.  People weren’t receptive to His truth:

“Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. In fact, the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” (John 18:37 NIV)

Why wouldn’t people want to know the truth?  Why wouldn’t they want the unconditional love of Jesus in their life? The Jews rejected the truth of Jesus.  People reject the truth we try to speak into their lives.  One reason, the truth is hard to accept.

The truth is, none of us are perfect.  We are all sinners.  In order to enter into a relationship with Jesus, we have to accept these truths about ourselves.  Admitting I have sinned isn’t easy.  When I’ve offended a friend and have to apologize, it’s humbling.

I have a dog walking business.  When I walk someone’s dog, I always text a picture and update how the walk went.  I’ve forgotten twice in the last couple of weeks to text an update to one of my clients.  The owner had to text me to make sure I walked her dog.  I’m a communication major, yet I failed at the most basic of communication.  Admitting my faults to my client isn’t easy.  But it is necessary.  I have to take responsibility for my actions.  I have to tell the truth.  My client knows my intent isn’t bad.  She understands my humanity.  She gave me grace.  I experienced God’s goodness through my client, who gave me grace.  

Our intentions are what makes an upright heart.  When we try to do good, we please God.  We may falter in our attempts, but He knows our intent: 

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7 NIV)

God sees your heart.  He knows you’re trying.  Ask Him to bless your efforts today.

Question of the Day:

Where do you need God’s help today in aligning your heart with His?

Further Reading: 1 Kings 2:1-3:2 NIV, Acts 5:1-42 NIV, Psalm 125:1-5 NIV, Proverbs 16:25 NIV

“All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had.” (Acts 4:32 NIV)

Sharing creates unity.  The people in today’s verse are the first church.  They listened to Peter and John share the gospel.  The group prayed the Believer’s prayer, God filled them with the Holy Spirit.  The young congregation were of one heart and mind.  Praying united them. Because of their unity, they didn’t consider their possessions their own.  Instead, they pooled their material things with each other.   People who had abundance, provided for those who didn’t.  Sharing creates unity.

Sharing creates unity.

Liberty Healthshare is an example of this verse in today’s world.  My husband and I joined this non-profit organization a few years ago.  Both of us are self-employed.  Our health care costs rose to where we couldn’t afford the premium.  On a cruise for my husband’s 50th birthday we met a family who told us about Liberty.  We came home, did the research and made the decision to join.  We haven’t looked back.   Each month we contribute our share to the co-op.  Those who have bills receive the contribution.  When we incur medical bills, they are likewise shared with the community.   We are one body with the other members.  We share with them, they share with us.  We’re sharing God’s goodness:

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17 NIV)

Understanding that all we have comes from God makes sharing easier.  Our possessions aren’t truly ours.  They are gifts from God, on loan during our time here on earth.  What we do with God’s gifts is our gift to Him.

When we tithe, we’re uniting ourselves with our local church.  We’re investing in the lives of the people who attend.  During the pandemic, a large percentage of people stopped giving to their churches.  Unemployment is at an all time high.  Larger churches like Life Church in Oklahoma are helping small churches survive.  More than ever, Christ followers are banning together as one.  Sharing unifies us.

What are you to share?  Whatever you have:

“They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything–all she had to live on.” (Mark 12:44 NIV)

Jesus is watching the crowd in the temple give.  The wealthy gave from their wealth.  The poor widow gave everything.   She gave her heart, her soul and her possessions, two coins, to Jesus.  The amount isn’t as important as the intent to Jesus. He created us to unite with others. Share your heart with Jesus, become one with His body.

Question of the Day:

What can you share with others today?

Further Reading: 1 Kings 1:1-53 NIV, Acts 4:1-37 NIV, Psalm 124:1-8 NIV, Proverbs 16:24 NIV

“The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction.”  (Proverbs 16:23 NIV)

Wise hearts have prudent mouths.  Prudent means: Cautious; circumspect; practically wise; careful of the consequences of enterprises, measures or actions; cautious not to act when the end is of doubtful utility, or probably impracticable.  In other words, think before you speak.  Think about the words that are coming out of your mouth.

I just finished leading a women’s Bible study.  We looked at the prayers of Paul.  In our last session, we talked about saying things in love.  As Christ followers, we are to speak truth at all times. Speaking the truth isn’t easy.  Of all things, I used the example of someone asking if they looked fat in their outfit.  Arguably, one of the hardest questions to answer without offending the person.  But you can answer the question in love to the best of your ability.  Suggest another outfit they’ve worn which flattered their curves, or an accessory that enhances the outfit.  My husband is a master at answering this particular question with love.  I ask it often.  He has a wise heart and speaks prudent words.

Wise hearts have prudent mouths.

God will hold us accountable for the words we speak:

“But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.” (Matthew 12:36 NIV)

We all speak empty words.  I’ve spoken empty words.  Jesus’ words in this verse help me think about my speech.  I walk away when angry, or try too.  By distancing myself from the person, I’m less likely to say something I will regret.  Once I gain control of my emotions, I think objectively and revisit the conversation.  

When in a difficult situation, I ask God for words as we’re talking.  God amazes me with the words He gives me.  But if I don’t ask Him for help, I get into trouble.  I only know in part, God knows in whole.

Recently, a friend who’s daughter is graduating highschool asked me to do a video.  The topic: what life advice would I give her as she prepares for college.  I prayed for two days before God gave me this simple message:  Call your mother.  

Once the words leave our mouths, they don’t come back.  When we put our words in writing, they are hard to dispute.  The only way we are able to speak prudently is to give God control of our mouths.  Often, the words God gives me are the scriptures I’ve memorized.  The more scripture I memorize, the readier God gives me a response. And sometimes God doesn’t give me words, instead He wants me to say nothing at all.  Let God direct your mouth, He’ll give you a prudent one.

Question of the Day:

Is your mouth prudent?

Further Reading: 2 Samuel 23:24-24:25 NIV, Acts 3:1-26 NIV, Psalm 123:1-4 NIV, Proverbs 16:21-23 NIV

“Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud.” (Proverbs 16:19 NIV)

Better to hang with the downtrodden than the proud.  When we hang out with prideful people, we are asking for trouble.  Webster’s dictionary of 1828 defines pride as:  Inordinate self-esteem; an unreasonable conceit of one’s own superiority in talents, beauty, wealth, accomplishments, rank or elevation in office, which manifests itself in lofty airs, distance, reserve, and often in contempt of others.  

Prideful people lead you down the wrong path.  They have a false sense of security that is easily broken.  They are incapable of recognizing their need for Jesus.  Pride blinds them from the truth.  Pride destroys.  Jesus wasn’t prideful, nor did he hang out with prideful people.  Jesus spent His time with those who were willing to accept His help, the lowly in spirit.  Those humble in spirit are the best companions.

Those humble in spirit are the best companions.

Pride is a battle we all face.  I listened to a podcast interview of Laurie Santos, a professor from Yale. She teaches a class on Happiness, currently available online for free. Part of the discussion was about gratitude.  Practicing gratitude makes you happier.  Laurie studies the science behind the emotions.  In the United States, we compare up. 

Say you’re at a concert.  You are third row from the stage, with excellent seats.  In the U.S., statistics show we’re more focused on the people who have seats three rows ahead of us, instead of appreciating the fact we’re not sitting in one of the hundreds of rows behind us.  Pride makes us jealous of what we don’t have instead of thankful for what we do.  Pride causes us to focus on those who we perceive as better off, versus gratitude for having anything at all.

Solomon warns us about pride:

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18 NIV)

Pride gets us in trouble.  Pride makes us think we’re better than we are.  Pride takes away our ability to see our faults.  Pride causes us to not get the help we need.  Pride causes us to lie to ourselves.  Pride keeps us from Jesus.

When we fall at the feet of Jesus, humility leads the way:

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29-30 ESV)

Jesus led with humility.  He was not prideful.  He spent His time with those who were lowly in spirit and gave them rest for their souls.  Pride destroys our relationship with Jesus and others, humility builds them.  Those humble in spirit are the best companions.

Question of the Day:

How is pride affecting your relationships?

Further Reading: 2 Samuel 22:1-23:23 NIV, Acts 2:1-47 NIV, Psalm 122:1-9 NIV, Proverbs 16:19-20 NIV