Two-minute read.
Loving each other genuinely means understanding what they need emotionally. Sometimes friends need a pat on the back, other times they need a kick in the butt. To understand someone’s emotional needs, we must pay attention to their communication, not only what they say, but also how they say it and their body language. People can say one thing and tell you something completely different with their nonverbal cues; we must pay attention to both.
When a previous student left the tennis court after a tough loss, her body language reeked of disappointment and despair. However, when I asked her, “How are you doing?” she responded, “I’m fine.” I knew she didn’t feel fine and needed encouragement, so I spent the next several moments lifting her spirits. I pointed out everything she did right in the match and helped her identify what she learned from it. Then we talked about things she wanted to improve for the next match. By the time we finished speaking, she felt better and had a more positive attitude.
On the other hand, sometimes I miss communication cues and get it all wrong. Once, while training an assistant in how to deal with unhappy customers, we did a role-playing scenario. Playing the disgruntled customer, I drew on past experiences I had handled for my material. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that the stress of handling complaints had gotten under her skin. Only when she started crying did I recognize my mistake.
As we get to know people better, we’ll pick up on their emotional needs faster. Over time, we’ll begin to recognize the telltale signs of their feelings. Married to my husband for over a decade, I understand him much better now than when we first met. I can tell when he feels irritated, something most people don’t recognize because he hides it well. In the same way, he can identify my emotional needs much better now than when we first met. Taking time to invest in people and understand their emotional needs creates a stronger bond in the relationship and a much healthier friendship.
Become a better friend by understanding others’ emotional needs. You can always ask them what they need if you don’t know. Sometimes, they may not know. But the more time you invest in getting to know and understand someone, the better the friendship. Nothing brings more joy than having healthy relationships with those you love.
Journal Questions:
Describe someone who understands your emotional needs?
How can you become more alert to what others need emotionally?
Who has invested in your life and friendship that sets a good example to follow?
Friendship Application:
Become more attuned to your friend’s emotional needs and help meet them.
