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“A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.” (Proverbs 27:15-16 NIV)
Wives determine whether they are quarrelsome or not.
Full confession, I’m a quarrelsome wife at times. My husband gets tired of me talking about taking better care of his body. When I bring up the laundry or dishes, he cringes. However, my goal is not to quarrel. How I combat the urge to drip rain on my husband’s day is through gratitude. When I get irritated yet again for the half-drunk soda can left on the table, I thank God I have someone who irritates me. I’m thankful for the work I know he did while he sat there and drank it, work that supports me. When I shift my thoughts, my irritation gives way to gratitude. Every time I get to pick up after my husband, I try to use it as an opportunity to thank God for him. No, I do not always succeed. But I do try.
Quarreling ends with acceptance.
Accepting people’s unconscious behaviors isn’t losing. One story that helps me keep perspective is about kitchen doors. A couple went to therapy because they were constantly arguing. When the therapist asked what they argued about, they said the kitchen cabinets. The husband always left the cabinet doors open, which irritated the wife, then causing an argument. Of course, the husband doesn’t realize he does this, so it’s difficult for him to correct. What the therapist challenged the wife to do is simply close the doors and not say anything. One simple acceptance, her husband was always going to leave cabinet doors open, she would always have to close them, stopped the quarreling. Harmony achieved through acceptance.
Another way to explain acceptance is from coaching. One of the first things I learned was how to analyze someone’s stroke. How people hit a forehand varies widely, even though the technique is fairly simple. A rule of thumb I learned working with adults is that if they aren’t doing anything that harms their bodies, don’t mess with it. In other words, as long as the annoying behavior isn’t hurting anyone, just accept it. Ron leaving half-drunk cans sitting around doesn’t hurt me to recycle it. The man pays the mortgage; I can throw away a can for him. Creating a home he wants to come home to isn’t done with unnecessary quarreling.
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” (Proverbs 31:10-11 NIV)
The Proverbs 31 woman is hard to find. She chooses her battles wisely. Her home isn’t one of quarreling.
Question of the Day:
How can you quit quarreling with acceptance today?