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“If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother.”  Matthew 18:15 CSB

Has it ever occurred to you, the person you are in conflict with may not even know you’re upset with them?  People don’t know what we are thinking unless we tell them. Often they learn we’re irritated because of our actions, not because of our words.  We give them the cold shoulder, or the silent treatment, expecting them to know our thoughts. But unless we tell them why we’re upset, they don’t know.  When we have a conflict with someone, we need to be able to talk about it with them. We have to learn to communicate our feelings, in love to them so that there can be restoration.  And we have to be careful not to blame.

For instance, marriage is a stomping ground for conflict. Things can be taken out of context so easily, and so quickly.  My husband is much better at this than I am. He is a better communicator in the midst of conflict, he is able to stay focused on the truth of the situation and not get emotional.  As a female, I get emotional and therefore have to fight that battle as well. But when we approach each other with love and kindness, when we are able to communicate in love how their actions make us feel, then we can find resolution to our conflict.  When we were on our honeymoon we listened to a series by Craig Groeschel on marriage. The free kindle book can be found here.  The quote I have taken to heart most from his talk is: “Healthy couples fight for RESOLUTION. Unhealthy couples fight for VICTORY.”  We have made that a cornerstone statement in our marriage. We fight for resolution, not victory.

If we are able to be transparent with whomever we are in conflict with, it’s a first step to resolution.  We have to be able to say, in love, “Your actions made me feel…” When we are able to discuss our feelings openly and honestly we can start finding resolution.  People can’t argue with how you feel, they are YOUR feelings, and they do matter. We have to become comfortable agreeing to disagree. No one is always right, there is always more than one way to reach a goal, and it doesn’t always have to be our way.  When we can start allowing others to have room to be who God created them to be, we can find peace from our conflicts.

Today I am going to find rest by being transparent. How can you find rest today?  Comment below.

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