Month: September 2017

“And besides, there is a great chasm separating us. No one can cross over to you from here, and no one can cross over to us from there.’” Luke 16:26
I had the most incredible evening last night, and the most spiritual.  A friend invited my husband and I to go see the Psycadelic Furs with him.  He’s in the music industry, my husband used to be in the music industry.  I went along for the ride.
Because of his position, our friend is granted VIP access.  It is the first time I have ever experienced what it is like behind the scenes in the music industry.
At first, I have to admit, I was nervous.  It reminded me of where I used to be before I started following Jesus.  Then the truth settled in as I remembered, I’m not that person any more.  I am new in Christ.
We had a bird’s eye view.  I stood at the gap looking over the crowd to my left, the stage to my right.  As I gazed out over the people one thought prevailed in my head, “They need Jesus.”  I started thinking this is exactly where Jesus would be, loving on these people.  I realized I had the opportunity to love on these people who I normally would never have met or seen.  I’m not a music girl, I never really have been.  I can count the number of concerts I’ve been to on two hands.
But God had brought me here.  Not only did He bring me here, but He had given me a unique view.  The chasm between the stage.  It reminded me of the distance between heaven and hell.  I kept looking at the people to the left, how desperately they wanted to be on the stage, yet they couldn’t get there.
I’m grateful for us.  We have a way of getting there.  Jesus created the way for us.  He is the bridge which we walk across to our eternity.  Praise be to God!
As I stood there, asking God the best way I could love these people?  I realized it was by praying for them.  I asked God to help them cross the chasm.  I prayed they would all come to know Jesus.  I asked Him to bring people into their lives who would introduce them to Jesus.  I prayed they would all be with me in heaven.  They would all meet my Cody boy one day who is already there.
It was powerful!  I asked the Lord not to let me forget what He showed me last night.  I don’t want to ever forget how far the Lord as brought me.  I’m so thankful He reminded me.
God rocks!

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
I just have to share the most impactful part of my week.  It’s going to be short and quick.
I am working on a writing project.  I wrote a chapter on forgiveness the other day. In my research I used this story.
Cory Ten Boom, a prisoner in the concentration camps during World War II, was confronted with the guard that held her and her sister hostage.  He had come to know Jesus in the years since.  He had listened to her speak on God at a local church.  Afterwards he came up to her and asked her to forgive him for how he treated her while she was imprisoned.  He knew Christ had forgiven him, he wanted her forgiveness as well.
She had just spoken on behalf of God.  She knew she was compelled to forgive.  However she had no desire to forgive.  So she asked God for help in this simple prayer:
“Jesus, help me! I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.”
She describes lifting her hand woodenly, but then a current started in her shoulder and raced down her arm to their entwined hands. She said then a healing warmth flooded her entire body and true forgiveness entered her. She went on to say, after experiencing such a tremendous forgiveness, she never had trouble forgiving again.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this since I wrote it.  I love this prayer.  I now know, sometimes all I have to do is lift my hand.  God will take care of the rest if I ask Him too.
I struggle with forgiveness.  I don’t like letting people off the hook.  I really rather like them to squirm.  But that is not what God does.  That is not what God has done for me.  He has forgiven me completely.  The least I can do is forgive others.
I’m not God, not by a long shot.  I am willing though, to lift my hand, trusting He will do the rest.  It will take some work though.  I pray He gives me the time to do it!
 

“But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.”  Isaiah 53:5 Continue reading “Scars” →

“He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91:4
Labor day signifies so many things.  The end of summer.  The beginning of fall.  The start of the new school year.  The end of a love story.
Labor Day is actually  a public holiday in the United States celebrated on the first Monday in September.  It honors the American labor movement and the contributions that workers have made to the strength, prosperity, laws and well-being of the country.
We all have our definitions of Labor Day.  What it means to each individual is different.  For me, Labor Day will always be the day before…
It’s the day before my nephew Cody died.  Cody wasn’t just my nephew, he was like a son to me.  It’s hard to put into words how precious our relationship was, and in my mind still is.  I never had children. He and his sister Casey are the closest to children I ever had, and probably ever will have.  I’m grateful their Mom was so open in sharing them with me.
Cody was 20 years old when he died.  Just months from his 21st birthday.  Trying to put into words a relationship that was as special as ours, which spanned that amount of time seems impossible.  There were weekend sleepovers, vacations, afternoons at the movies.  There were so many trips…D.C., Florida, Pennsylvania to name a few.  There were quiet afternoons at home.  There were trips to the beach, to the pool, to Water Country.  There was trick or treating and school trips.  Thanksgiving’s and Christmas’s.  Every moment was special.
Cody, and his sister, made me a better person.  They made me want to be a better person for them.  I loved spending time with them.  I didn’t get married until after I was 40 years old.  I joke it was because of them, but in every joke you will find truth.  I preferred their company over anyone else.  Especially when they were young, and dependent on you.  Those were the best weekends, best vacations.
As they got older, it was harder.  They didn’t want to spend as much time with Aunt Beth.  It was understandable, but it still hurt.  By the time Cody died, I hadn’t seen him in months.  We had talked and texted, but I hadn’t physically seen him.  The last time I did see him was at my Mom’s funeral.  It was as I was leaving.  He stood up and gave me the biggest, longest hug.  As I look back on it now, it’s as if he knew that would be the last time.  That hug would have to last me until we meet again in heaven.
Cody was diabetic.  It was his diabetes that won the battle three years ago on Sept. 2.  The day after Labor Day, the day before my world changed forever.  It was a hard fought battle, in so many ways, but in the end, the disease prevailed.
The day before was much like today.  I’m in the same place I was then.  The sun was shining, there was a slight breeze and I was with my husband.  We had had a wonderful weekend camping. I remember feeling sad when the weekend was over, not wanting to go back to our normal lives.  I had no idea what was in store for me.
It was around 3:00 p.m. the next day when my brother called me.  I can still hear his voice telling me, “Cody is dead.”  I hear it often in my mind.  Almost like a reminder that he really is gone.
A lot has changed in the past three years.  A lot of it Cody would be thrilled with beyond words.  Things he wanted to see happen in his lifetime, which didn’t happen until he was gone.
Ironically, he is still making me a better person.  I think of the wonderful person he was.  I think of how he loved me so purely.  I try to be worthy of that love.  Cody wasn’t perfect, no one is, but he was real.  He was genuine.  He was good.
One thing though has not changed, my heart is still broken.  My love for him is stronger than ever.  And Labor Day will always be the day before my life changed forever.  It will always be the day before I lost Cody.
Psalm 91:4 is the verse that represents Cody to his Mom and sister.  Every time they find a feather they think of him.  It has come to represent Cody to us.  A reminder he is with God.  He is with his grandma.  One day we will be reunited again.  Until then, however, I still have work to do here on earth.  For now, I hold onto our last hug, grateful it was so memorable, knowing he knew how much I loved him.
It is true, live at peace with everyone to the best of your ability.  None of us know how long we have.  None of us know when we’ll have a “day before”.